John McGahern - Amongst Women

‘That’s just a way Daddy has. He liked you very much but it’s hard for him to show it. He said that he was very happy that we are going to be married.’

‘We’d be married anyhow whether he was happy about it or not.’

‘It’s far nicer though that Daddy agrees to it.’ She had taken the engagement ring from her purse and slipped it back on her finger. She raised the ring to the window so that the three small rhinestones caught the rushing light. ‘The ring will never leave this hand now,’ she said.

‘Would you like me to bring you a beer back?’ Mark asked.

‘I’ll come with you. We can have a drink together in the bar.’

When they reached an empty corridor between two carriages they paused and held each other in a long embrace before going on to the bar.

They were married that July in London. All the house was at the wedding except Moran and Rose. Mona was bridesmaid. Luke stood in for Moran and Maggie walked up the altar on his arm. The reception was held in a large room above the Three Blackbirds. After the meal and the toasts there was dancing to a piano. Most of the guests were in their twenties, young men bronzed from the building sites, girls from the hospitals. Moran wrote that London was too far off of a journey for him and Rose to travel to at their age and he enclosed a cheque that covered most of the cost of the reception.

‘It would be too hard on Daddy to see you married in London,’ Mona and Sheila joined to counter Maggie’s disappointment that Moran did not come to her wedding. ‘He and Rose aren’t young any more.’

As if the wedding itself was a breach they were determined not to let widen, the girls beat an even more vigorous path back to the house that summer and winter than ever before. Mona or Sheila, and often both of them together, came every weekend. They took their holidays to coincide with the hay, the only time of year when there was any stress of work now, and they helped Moran and Rose save and gather it into the sheds.

Michael broke his leg in an accident on the buildings. He came home that winter for several weeks while convalescing. All the old trouble between the son and father had been forgotten about; Michael even laughed out loud once when it came up by accident. Rose loved to see Michael home. He was more her natural child than any of the girls. When alone they could be heard chattering away and each of them would cease instinctively the moment Moran entered the room. During these chats he told Rose that he was abandoning casual labouring work as soon as he returned to London. Luke told him that he would find him a place in the City that could lead to qualifying as an accountant if he passed his exams. Already he was studying books that Luke had given him to read while his leg healed. Rose passed all this information on to Moran. ‘He could be qualified now if he had minded his manners when he was at school. He always had brains enough. He had to learn manners the hard way.’

As great a pall would fall on the conversation when Luke’s name came up as fell on Rose and Michael’s bright chatter the moment Moran entered the room. Rose told the girls that Moran was secretly grieving for Luke, and the more they discussed it among themselves the more indignant they grew. They felt that Luke’s whole behaviour was unnatural and hard and unforgiving. They all had grievances enough but there was little use in holding on to them for ever.

Luke had to be challenged. Maggie volunteered to face him. She rang him at work. He readily agreed to meet her in a little pub close to Leicester Square station. Mark came with Maggie. Luke was alone when they arrived. Despite Mark’s pressing him to take a pint, he would only have a half of bitter and he nursed it through the meeting. Mark was drinking pints, Maggie halves of lager. They were dressed up and looked as if they were intending to spend the whole evening in the pub.

‘What’s wrong with you? You don’t look sick to me,’ Mark said laughingly, relaxed and prepared to be charming.

‘It just does nothing for me,’ Luke raised his glass.

‘I hope the same will never happen here. Good luck!’

‘Daddy is upset you’ve not gone home in all these years. He’s getting old now. He wants you to go home.’

‘It would do no good.’

Though tall, Luke had always been slight of build and he hadn’t filled out much with the years. His eyes were clear. He was taut, watchful and hidden, in direct contrast to his younger brother’s sunny good looks.

‘You hold too much of a grudge,’ Maggie said.

‘I hold no grudge. That would be stupid. But I have a good memory.’

‘Your father wants you to go home,’ Mark supported Maggie.

‘If he wants to meet me he could have come over for your wedding and we could have taken it from there. He just wants everything on his own ground.’

‘Daddy is old now.’

‘Much older men come to London to go to their daughter’s wedding. I have no quarrel with his age. It’s his carry-on I can’t take.’

‘Daddy has changed.’

‘I don’t believe it.’

‘It’s true,’ Mark urged.

‘I don’t think people change, their circumstances maybe, that changes them around a bit but that’s not real change.’

‘This is above me,’ Mark said. ‘I’m getting another pint.’

‘It’s my round, Mark.’

‘You’re not drinking.’

‘That doesn’t matter.’ He got a pint for Mark. Maggie refused a drink.

‘Are you going light on your own round?’ Mark teased mockingly.

‘I have work to do.’

‘There will be work long after you,’ Maggie said.

He did not answer her but his silence was unyielding.

‘You probably have as much in the bank already as would do me for the rest of my life,’ Mark joked, loosened with the alcohol.

Luke still did not answer. He smiled in a gesture of amiable separateness.

Mark had finished his pint and was preparing to go to the counter for another round. ‘Aren’t you having anything more yourself?’ he asked with the unease of heavy drinkers.

‘I still haven’t finished this one and I have to go in a few minutes.’

‘I thought we were going to make an evening of it,’ Maggie said resentfully. ‘We hardly ever see you now.’

‘I’ll ring you. Why don’t you come over to my place for dinner some evening?’

‘ We have tea in the evenings,’ Mark said aggressively as he came back to the table.

‘You can have tea as well. I’ll give you your choice.’

‘And you’ll go home to see Daddy?’

‘No, I said I wasn’t going home.’

‘It’s not natural.’

‘I know. I didn’t choose my father. He didn’t choose me. If I’d known, I certainly would have refused to meet the man. No doubt he’d have done likewise with me,’ Luke laughed for the first time in the meeting.

‘That’s not funny,’ Maggie said angrily.

‘It may not be natural but it’s true.’

‘So you’re not going home?’

‘No.’

‘Well then. You can forget about asking us to that famous dinner in your place,’ Maggie said with confrontational sarcasm.

‘I’m sorry then,’ Luke rose and offered them his goodbye. He lingered uncomfortably for a moment but when they made no answer he shrugged and walked out of the bar.

‘You sure come from an odd family. I think your father is easier than that brother of yours. I can’t see the two of them having much to say to one another,’ Mark said as soon as Luke left.

‘Daddy is not near as hard as that,’ Maggie protested on the point of tears.

‘They’re welcome to one another.’

‘Daddy is different. He has his ways. I never thought Luke would get so hard. I hope you don’t think I’m odd.’