John McGahern - Amongst Women

‘I’m learning to drive.’

‘Drive what?’

‘A digger and a dumper. The best paid of all is if you can get to drive the crane.’

‘How do you go about learning that?’

‘You get them to show you after the job stops, the fellows that drive, that is.’

‘How do you go about that?’

‘They have to sort of like you and you buy them pints. If you buy them enough pints it goes a long way.’

‘I believe my eldest son works in somewhat the same line of business,’ Moran changed awkwardly.

‘No. He’s in renovation,’ Mark explained patiently. ‘They buy up old houses and convert them into flats. I’ve always worked on big open sites.’

‘I wouldn’t know,’ Moran said testily. ‘He doesn’t choose to tell me what he does.’

‘He’s away with it. He’s a director of that company.’

‘I wouldn’t know,’ Moran had now had enough. ‘And it wouldn’t make any difference if I did. I look on all my children as equal no matter what their station in life is. Anybody they choose to bring into the family I also look on in the same way.’

Rose started to make the tea they had each night before going to bed. Mark saw that there was still a good hour to go before the pubs closed. After the tension of the long evening, the interrogation by the fire, he felt in terrible need.

‘I’d like to go for a drink,’ he said to Maggie.

‘The nearest tavern is four miles,’ Moran said drily.

‘I’m sure there are some cordials in the house since Christmas,’ Rose offered.

‘I’d like to go out for a drink. Couldn’t we borrow the car?’

Maggie stood frozen before the confrontation. So great was Mark’s need to get out for a drink that it enabled him to confront Moran’s formidable authority within the house.

As slowly as it seemed possible Moran took the car keys from his pocket and threw them on the table with a contemptuous little flick.

‘I don’t like the idea of people driving who drink,’ Moran said.

‘We’ll be careful. We’ll only have one drink or two at the most. It’s just to get out of the house.’

‘I can’t imagine what you’d do after a week in the house if you’re that wild to get out now,’ Moran said sarcastically but Mark didn’t hear. He had the car keys. He was already walking into the door of a strange bar, smelling the freshness of the porter, savouring the white collar.

Maggie put on her coat and went up to Moran to kiss him good night. He allowed her to kiss him but he did not return it.

So uncomfortable was the silence that Mark asked, now that he had the keys in his hand, ‘Are you sure you and Rose wouldn’t come with us, Michael?’

The proposition sounded so ludicrous to Moran that the very idea seemed an echo of the glittering jacket, and he began to laugh harshly. ‘No, Mark. We wouldn’t like to go with you but enjoy yourselves.’

It took some time for them to start the car. As they heard it drive away Moran said reflectively to Rose, ‘We are made up at last. We’ll have the town poor in the family next.’

‘I wouldn’t mind the jacket. That’s just the fashion. It’ll change,’ Rose said tentatively.

It’s not the jacket. It’s the man. There were some of those types in our battalion for a while. They could put on a show and swagger but when it came to any crunch they had no backbone.’

‘He’s nice-looking and he seems to suit Maggie. He looks kind.’

‘I was never much on the lookout for kindness, but don’t worry, Rose. If he suits her he’ll suit me,’ he said.

They went to bed but did not sleep until after the car was returned to the shed. A door banged and Mark’s voice was loud as they came in. Then they heard Maggie’s low urgings that he keep his voice down.

‘That’s going to be their life,’ Moran said. ‘Gather money, then a spree; gather more money, then another spree. It’s not going to be easy to keep it going. I’ll help any of my family in any way I can but I draw the line at helping to keep the sprees going.’

The following days went more easily. Maggie had always been by far the most gregarious of the girls. She was known in every house around. Now she could show Mark off. In such a quiet place the young couple was excitement and brought news. When Mark’s good looks were admired Maggie blossomed and grew prettier in the praise. Usually he was given a large glass of whiskey with the customary tea and sweet cake or biscuits. He glowed in the attention and alcohol and came home to Rose’s meals in high good humour. In spite of the severity of the family he was beginning to feel that it was flattering to be connected to such a house, this house that was at the centre of Maggie’s being. In such a mood, at Maggie’s prompting, he would search Moran out in the fields to chat. Moran saw him as no threat and was unusually indulgent. Maggie’s pleasure was so intense that she could not speak when she saw the two men come together into the house. It was in the evenings, until the Rosary was said, that Moran’s brooding silence, broken by occasional sallies, always had to be watched and it was the Rosary itself that Mark found hardest; but then he could take the car to the pub. He found a bar of his own in town where he had ingratiated himself with the owner and a few regulars.

A few hours before they were due to leave for the train Maggie alone, in great trepidation, went into the fields to look for Moran. She found him stretching barbed wire that had loosened on a boundary fence and he was stapling it to fresh posts. As soon as he saw her he knew at once why she had come, and waited.

‘We’re going today, Daddy.’

‘I know. I’ll drive you to the station but it’s not time yet.’

‘I want to know what you think of Mark, Daddy.’

‘Why do you ask?’

‘We are thinking of getting married.’

He let go of the strand of wire and faced her directly. ‘If he does you, Maggie, he’ll do me.’

‘You have nothing against Mark then?’ What he said had been a great deal less than she had hoped for.

‘I look on all my children as equal. Anybody they choose to bring into the family will get looked on in the same way. If you marry Mark, he’ll be like any other member of the family, neither more nor less. There’s one thing I would say to you. I’d say it to anybody. I do not think the tavern every night is the best preparation for a great marriage.’

‘That’s just because it is our holidays, Daddy.’

‘I sincerely hope so,’ Moran said firmly.

‘Is it all right for me to marry Mark then?’

‘If he does you, Maggie, he’ll do me. I hope you’ll be happy.’

There were tears in her eyes as she kissed him. In the weeks ahead this grudging approval would grow in her mind into an ecstatic welcome of Mark by the whole family.

Rose smoothed Maggie’s arms down from the shoulders, holding her young body out at arm’s length in order to give it full admiration as they took their leave. ‘You have a beautiful figure, Maggie. It’s a wonderful thing to see a handsome couple starting out on their lives.’

Moran drove them to the station and waited with them on the platform until the train came.

‘Thanks for everything, Michael,’ Mark said manfully as they shook hands.

‘Please God, you’ll both be happy,’ Moran said.

‘Thanks, Daddy,’ tears were slipping down Maggie’s cheeks as she raised herself to kiss him goodbye.

As soon as the train was moving Mark said, ‘I need a drink. I need several drinks. I feel as if I’ve just got out of jail.’

‘You were allowed to go anywhere you wanted.’ Maggie was stung by the implication. ‘Daddy even gave you the car every night.’

‘I’m not complaining. It’s just a feeling. No matter what you did you felt it wasn’t awanting.’