T. Boyle - When the Killing's Done

“Greg,” Kat said finally, her face twisted in sudden fury. “His name’s Greg. All right?”

Her mother, who’d been hounding her since she stepped in the door Friday night, looked as if she’d been slapped, and Kat, despite herself, instantly regretted it. “Listen,” she said, “I’m sorry, Mom. I’ve been under a lot of pressure, that’s all. At school. I just need some space, okay?”

At the table, her fingers gnarled and her head bent close to her task, her nana peeled shrimp for scampi as if she’d never done anything else in her entire life. The shrimp, gray and denuded, lay mounded in a glass bowl while their translucent shells accumulated on a sheet torn from the Times . She never glanced up, though there was revolution in the air.

Her mother gave her a hurt look, bunching her lips over a strip of green pepper she kept shifting round her mouth like a toothpick. She said, “I don’t want to pry, but—”

“Then don’t.”

The next time she came home, for Christmas break, her mother emerged from the kitchen the minute the key turned in the lock of the front door. She was wiping her hands on a dishtowel and her smile of greeting flared and died as she crossed the room to peck a kiss to Kat’s cheek before turning to the table in the front hall to retrieve an envelope there and hand it to her. “This came for you yesterday,” she said, fixing her eyes on her.

It was from Greg — Kat could see that at a glance. She’d had a late exam in childhood psychology, but he’d finished earlier in the week and gone home to Santa Barbara to be with his parents for the holidays. He was going to drive down to pick her up the day after Christmas for a camping trip to Ensenada they’d been planning for the last month, six days alone on the beach and in the tent at night, in the same sleeping bag, like (Greg’s joke) Robert Jordan and his Little Rabbit. She might have blushed when she took the envelope, folded it once and stuffed it in the back pocket of her jeans. She didn’t say anything, but her mother was watching her so closely she might have been lasering right through her like in that scene in Goldfinger .

“Take-sue,” she said, mispronouncing the name, “is that Hungarian? Or Bohunk? Or what? For the life of us, Nana and I couldn’t figure it out.”

She wanted to say, You don’t have to , but instead, just to watch the awareness sink deep into her mother’s face, she said, “Takesue. Three syllables. And the last one is suey, like chop suey.”

“Chop suey?” her mother repeated, looking puzzled. There was the sound of voices carrying down the street and through the glass of the front window, drunks coming back from the bars along the boardwalk. She let out a nervous laugh. “You don’t mean—? He isn’t Chinese , is he?”

This was the moment she’d been dancing around since the day Greg had come up to her in the commons, his hair long and thick and shining — longer than George Harrison’s, longer than anybody’s in any band she’d ever seen — bent over the table where she was sitting with her girlfriend Pattie and said, Weren’t you in Bieler’s class last semester?

“No, Mom,” she said, still standing there in the hallway, the letter tucked safely away, her bag over one shoulder and her peacoat hanging limp at her knees, “he’s not Chinese.” She took a moment, shrugging out from under the bag and looking her mother square in the face. “Takesue isn’t a Chinese name, it’s Japanese.”

And then, before her mother could gasp or snort or shout or spin her head around on her shoulders and scream, Japanese? You’re going with a Jap? After what they did to your father? she was across the room, down the hall and firmly shutting the door to her room behind her.

When Greg came up the steps on the day after Christmas, his arms laden with gift-wrapped packages and his father’s maroon Dodge Charger sitting at the curb behind him like a rocket ship at rest, her mother pulled open the door on a vision of beauty, only she didn’t see it that way. “Greg!” Kat called out, sailing across the room to him while her mother staggered back in shock, because not only was Greg a hippie, in a tie-dyed poncho, silver-striped pants, scuffed boots and a wide-brimmed hat with an eagle’s feather jutting proudly from the band, he was Asian too. Worse than Asian: Japanese. With a Fu Manchu mustache that framed his jaw in two dangling transparent wisps. Kat took his hand, led him into the front hall, saying, “Mom, I want to—” but her mother was gone, retreating into the bedroom at the back of the house.

She’d tried to warn him— My mother’s a little strange, you know, after the war and all, I mean, World War II —but she knew him well enough to see that he was as shocked as her mother was, shocked and hurt. Older people, the ignorant and the hidebound, with their fat white faces and five-dollar haircuts, might have derided him for dressing the way he did, for being a hippie, but that he could take in stride. Racism was another thing altogether. He was fifth generation, as American as anybody, his family was prosperous, with their own seafood business based out of Santa Barbara, and he was going to take his place in American society whether anybody liked it or not — and if he went out in the street and protested against the war in Vietnam, that was his privilege and his right. As was the way he chose to dress and what sort of records he played on the stereo and the drugs he put in his own body with the freest will in the world. That was Greg. That was the way he felt. And if the world was nothing but combat, so be it. She felt choked. Her mind was jumping from one misery to another like a cricket on a hot sidewalk. “Here,” she whispered, and she took his hand and pulled him forward.

Shoulders slumped, eyes down, he followed her stiffly into the living room, where her grandmother was sitting in the armchair, watching one of her soap operas.

She took the packages from him and set them down on the sofa. Then she raised her voice so her grandmother could hear and said, “Let me introduce you to my grandmother. Nana, this is Greg.”

Over the past year her grandmother had slipped into confusion, her face immobile, her gaze dulled, her hands jittery in her lap. With an effort, she raised her eyes and lifted her trembling chin. Greg bent forward, offered his hand. “Nice to meet you,” he murmured, but she just stared at the place where his hand was and said nothing in return.

“Greg’s my boyfriend, Nana — the one I’ve been telling you about?” she said, feeling cold suddenly, chilled, as if the house were a glacier that had just split in two, irreparably, forever. Turning to him, she said, “Nana’s a little hard of hearing”—a smile—“aren’t you, Nana? But my mother, I guess she must be changing into something a little dressier. . or something. You wait. I’ll go get her.”

His voice was terse — he was in the chasm of the glacier too. “Don’t bother,” he said.

She always liked to think it was during the vacation in Mexico that she got pregnant with Alma, but that couldn’t have been because Alma didn’t come along until October, so it must have been after they got back to school. At any rate, despite the fact that she was on the pill and on a conscious level didn’t have even the slightest inkling of the tiniest fleeting desire to get pregnant, or not yet anyway, she did, and that pregnancy froze her inside the glacier until it split all over again. She couldn’t go home. She didn’t. She graduated (her mother tearful at the ceremony, without knowing what she was crying over, or the extent of it anyway) and moved in with Greg, in Santa Barbara, and he started working on one of his father’s boats, diving for lobster and abalone off the back side of Santa Cruz.