Aminatta Forna - The Memory of Love

‘Me? I thought it was hilarious.’

‘I don’t mean about the sidecar. I mean, were you angry that he became ill?’

‘Only at God and the angels. We knew , you see. Even though the doctors misdiagnosed it at first. They thought it was thyroid-related. But your father had had an uncle with the disease and he reckoned he knew better and that the doctors were wrong. It turned out he was right. He never hid it from me. I was the one who insisted on the wedding. He was angry because the miracle we assumed would happen when we were young and in love never materialised.’ She smiles and stares into her cup, before setting it down on the saucer. She draws a finger across her dessert plate to collect the last of the cream, puts it in her mouth. ‘He couldn’t stop himself envying you, but he was so proud of you. If there’s one thing he would have wanted, it would be to see you become the person you were meant to become.’

Three days later Adrian stands in front of the long window. The last of the moon is reflected in the silver of the sea. The darkness is giving way to dawn. A fine mist slips in and out of the faraway dunes. He slides open the door and steps barefoot outside on to the new deck. The scent of wood resin hangs heavy in the cool air. He walks down to the grass and then to the shoreline. He picks up a flat stone and sends it skimming across the surface of the water. One, two, three, the stone sinks out of sight.

Six hours later he turns the wheel of his rental car, heads off the motorway on to the slip road and into the London-bound traffic.

On a plastic seat in a row of others, Kai reads his most recent letters from Tejani:

My brother ,

Today is the first day I have a chance to write to you. It’s been crazy busy. This is the first time in weeks I’ve even had half an hour to myself. I keep thinking I could email you and it would be so much quicker. But then I forget you have to go and wait who knows how long at an Internet café. Man, I don’t know how you put up with it. I can’t believe you still have to write all the records at the hospital by hand. So I guess then we stay with what we know. When you come over here we’re going to take some time to teach you how to use a computer properly. But truth is, friend, I don’t mind so much, even though there is only one place in the whole town that sells airmail paper. It gives me time to breathe .

So I’m sitting at a table in the kitchen. It’s fall (as they call it here) and the weather is cold already. Man, once it starts, it eats into you. I need to get myself an attending position or maybe a fellowship somewhere warm. Atlanta, where it feels more like home. I hear there are a lot of our people in that part of the country. Not sure Helena is so keen on the idea, though. She’s working two jobs at two different care homes. She’s a hard worker and she’s making good money. We’re working towards that down payment. Helena says she wants to study, which I’m not saying I’m against, only we’re going to have to make a choice: the duplex or the college fees. So, anyways, we need to talk about that. Hey, you know what I’m thinking — I see an opportunity to exercise a little leverage here, persuade her to move south where the real estate is cheaper .

So you saw big, beautiful Mary, who’s even bigger now. I take it Mamoud’s the lucky man. Tell them both congratulations. Hell, I love that woman. Tell her that for me. I don’t care if Mamoud gets jealous. Tell him he only has her because I allowed him and I might come back and take her away from him, so he better watch himself. Better treat her fine, because she’s one fine lady …

A nurse, sullen and avoidant, steps out of the doctor’s surgery and resumes her place at her desk at the far end of the room without a glance at those waiting. Kai has been sitting there an hour already. The line moves at an interminable pace. A patient emerges from the doctor’s office, followed by the doctor himself, who calls the next patient’s name from his clipboard. A man with a large sore on his neck covered in a clot of strong-smelling herbs rises. Everybody shuffles along the bench. Kai waits. He’d chosen this clinic because of its distance from work, having decided not to do his medical at the hospital. So far only Mrs Mara knows he is leaving. Coming here seems like the simpler thing to do.

He returns to the last lines of Tejani’s letter:

When do you think you will get here? It seems to be taking a long time. You have to keep at them, man. Next thing you know they’ve lost all your paperwork. I would have expected you to be about ready to book your flight any time now .

Another letter, dated some three weeks later:

Hey, bro ,

No point asking when you’re coming. I guess it takes as long as it takes. No worries. The sofa is still here waiting for you .

So maybe you heard about what happened here in one of the primary schools? It was all over the news for two days. Some crazy guy with a machete went into a kids’ playground at recess, Monday. Hacked a whole bunch of them, and the teacher too. Bad, bad stuff. Happens a lot here, so actually maybe the foreign press didn’t bother to report it. Anyway, the point of my mentioning it is this — guess where they brought the wounded kids? Right here. There were four of them. I had been on duty for about an hour when the call came in. Man, you should have seen me. I was flying. Nobody else round here could work out where I learned the stuff, how a junior like me gained so much experience working wounds like that. I didn’t say a word. Who would have believed me, if I said I learned it all during a war in Africa in a country you never even heard about? One of the kids was DOA, but the other three made it through. The chief of surgery asked for me to come see her and offered her congratulations. How about that?

The real bad news is Helena and I split. Guess it had been coming a long time. So there you have it. No big drama, no arguments. She’s looking for a place to move into. In the meantime I’m sleeping most nights at the hospital. Though I can stay here if I want, I guess it’s easier not to. We had some good times together. I’m going to miss her .

That’s it for now .

Cheers, man ,

T .

PS. If there’s anything you need me to do at this end, let me know .

And the last letter:

Dear Kai ,

I feel like I should start the letters ‘Dear diary’ or something, because it feels like you’re the only person I talk to. I don’t mean literally, because I talk to people all day. And I don’t mean I don’t have any friends. It’s just, there’s talking. And there’s talking. You know what I’m saying, right? No, of course you don’t. You were always the quiet one who drove the women crazy. I was the one used to think I had the gift of the gab, but the girls always went for you in the end .

I’ve been forgetting to ask after Abass. Your kid cousin. How’s he doing? He must be coming up for about eight now. Shit! Can’t believe it. Tell him hi from me. Remember me to his mother .

When you come here we should head up to Canada and pay your sister and your parents a visit. I should have gone before, only working for those exams kept me occupied. We could hire a car and drive. I’ve been wanting to do that. See the Niagara Falls. Hey, how do you think it compares with our very own falls back home? We had some good times there. Apparently there are people who go over the side of the Niagara Falls inside a wooden barrel. It’s true, man, I promise you. I’m not kidding. And do you know those falls freeze in the winter? I started to plan our trip and I saw a picture, a photograph from 1911. Frozen from top to bottom, the whole thing. There were people walking on the ice. Maybe we should go in the summer. Makes me laugh to think how excited I was the first time it snowed. I kept a jar of it in the freezer .