Nicola Barker - Darkmans

Geraldine stared at him, blankly.

‘Is crazy?’ Gaffar asked Kelly.

‘She’s my fuckin’ cousin ,’ Kelly scowled, ‘she’s a Broad . ‘Course she’s fuckin’ crazy. We all are.’

Then she snorted.

Gaffar stared at Geraldine. Geraldine stared back at him, calmly. He thought she was quite beautiful with her skin as pale as steamed haddock and her eyes the colour of roasted aubergine. She wore a powerful perfume…Something heady and exotic. Something which smelled like jasmine. Like chocolate .

‘I have never before see such a thing as this…’

He pointed to her mouth; the four tiny holes pierced above her lipline, the four tiny holes pierced below, and the neat black thread connecting them in the cruellest of zig-zags.

Geraldine raised one, slightly quizzical eyebrow (as if to say, ‘So where’ve you been all your life?’).

‘Turkey,’ he promptly answered, ‘Diyarbakir: the Town of the Black Walls. A town with standards. If my sister ever came home looking like that I’d fucking kill her. Then I’d kill myself. ’

She shrugged, indifferent.

’Although I have no sister,’ Gaffar added, as an afterthought, ‘praise Allah.’

‘She’s a Goth,’ Kelly informed him.

‘Goff,’ Gaffar repeated.

‘Go th. G-o-t-h.

Go th.’

‘Goth.’

Geraldine shook her head, very firmly. Gaffar drew closer. ‘Wha’s this?’ She shook her head, again.

Gaffar turned to Kelly. ‘No. She say she no this… uh …“Goth”.’ ‘Fuckin’ is , mate.’

Geraldine shook her head and flared her nostrils slightly.

‘Now you make her piss !’ Gaffar exclaimed, delighted.

Kelly sat up straight. ‘Well if you ain’t a damn Goth,’ she yelled, ‘why’d you listen to Marilyn fuckin’ Manson , wear antique fuckin’ lace and sew your stupid trap shut? Eh ?’

Geraldine shrugged.

‘And check out her boots for Christsakes…’ Kelly pointed, derisorily, ‘only a fuckin’ Goth’d wear boots like that.’

Gaffar looked down at her boots. They were heavy, black leather, knee-high boots with 6-inch, silver-plated, stack heels.

‘Explain for Gaffar…’

Gaffar perched on the end of the bed, facing her. ‘How you…’ he pointed, ‘how… what’re the actual logistics of this set-up? ’

He made a sewing gesture.

‘What she does,’ Kelly helpfully explained, ‘is get a little bit of string — black, obviously, ‘cos she’s a total, fuckin’ Goth —an’ melts some wax on the end of it so she stiffens it up a bit. Then she threads it through the piercings and sews her mouth together. Natch! She used to have a fella who did the same thing, but they broke up.’

‘Is so?’

Gaffar peered over his shoulder at Kelly. ‘Man do this crazy thing, too?’

‘Yeah. They think it’s art , mate. Or some such. Stupid twats . But then they split , see? She wore him out. He said she just never shut up.’ Kelly made a jabbering motion with her hand. ‘Much too gobby …’

Pause

Gaffar stared at Geraldine, quite transfixed.

‘Jesus Christ ,’ Kelly snorted, ‘I’m fuckin’ wasted on you lot.’

‘I never see this before,’ Gaffar repeated, slowly shaking his head. ‘Is incredible.’

Geraldine looked pleased. She almost grinned, but the stitching stopped her.

‘See that?’ Kelly exclaimed. ‘She can’t even smile properly. It’s so fuckin’ tragic .’

Gaffar nodded. He turned, confidingly. ‘No blow job, eh?’ he stage-whispered.

‘Get you !’ Kelly squealed.

Geraldine reached out a plump, white hand and softly cuffed his leg with it.

‘ Ow! ’ Gaffar yelled. ‘Is joke !’

‘Oh yeah?’ Kelly interrupted. ‘Like earlier? When I lost the bet? And you seriously thought…’

Gaffar looked indignant. ‘Of course I thought — was bet !’

‘Yeah, whatever. So’d you get the scooter yet?’

Gaffar reached his hands into his pocket and produced some keys.

‘You’ve got it for a month, mate, tops .’

He nodded.

‘And I ain’t ever gamblin’ with you again, see?’

He shrugged.

‘So was my mum there when you picked it up?’

Gaffar winced. Geraldine’s eyes widened, in horror. ‘See this?’ Gaffar said, pointing. ‘Even your cousin is scare of you mother.’

‘Everyone’s shit-scared of her,’ Kelly observed proudly. ‘An’ wait till you meet my sister , mate…Although she moved to Gillingham, so we don’t see too much of her no more.’

‘Big, fat …’ Gaffar said, puffing himself up, ‘ like an ox. Like a small shed draped in a huge, lard corset. I stay there two hour.’

‘She make you hoover for her?’

Gaffar nodded.

‘She make you wash up?’

Gaffar nodded.

‘She make you massage her feet?’

Gaffar nodded. ‘But this is… uh …soft feet. Tiny feet. Like…’ he frowned.

‘ Nah . Them hooves is size sixes, mate. It’s all just proportionate.’

‘ Tiny, ’ Gaffar repeated. ‘Then I do…uh…’

He pointed to his shoulders.

‘Your shoulders?’

‘No. Is her …’

‘ What?! She made you massage her shoulders?’

He nodded.

‘An’ did ya?’

He shrugged.

‘You did ?!’ Kelly shrieked.

He shrugged again.

‘ Fuck me! My old ma’s got the hots for ya! D’ya hear that, Gerry?’

Geraldine nodded, gazing at Gaffar, slightly askance.

‘I mean is that fucked up or what ?!’

‘I am good for massage,’ Gaffar protested.

‘Don’t I fuckin’ know it,’ Kelly confirmed.

Silence

‘So’d she get you to fetch her dinner?’

‘ Yah . Pizza. We share.’

‘You shared a pizza?’ Kelly scowled. ‘Nuh- uh . My mum don’t know the meanin’ of the word.’

He nodded. ‘Was my pizza. I bring.’

‘ What?! She ate your pizza?’ Kelly cackled.

Gaffar nodded, mournfully. Kelly fell back on to her pillow. ‘Man, what a dick. She walked all over ya.’

Gaffar grimaced. Geraldine stared at him, poignantly.

‘This cousin is feel sorry for me,’ he said, smiling at her. ’You have a lovely heart, and even lovelier breasts…’ He described her breasts in the air, appreciatively, with his hands. She looked a little shocked.

‘So you fuck around with my scooter and I’ll fuck around with you , mate,’ Kelly informed him.

‘I won’t fuck,’ Gaffar assured her.

‘An’ you can only keep it till my leg heals up.’

‘Sure.’

Gaffar glanced over at the next bed. It was empty.

‘Where she?’ he asked, pointing.

‘What? Her next door?’

He nodded.

‘Dead.’

‘ Wha?! ’

‘Nah. Went home. Cow .’

She paused. ‘Good riddance to bad rubbish. So what’s up with Kane?’ Geraldine rolled her eyes.

‘Yes. Is true,’ Gaffar sighed, ‘always this Kane, Kane …’

Geraldine rolled her eyes again.

‘ HELLO! ’ Kelly bellowed.

‘Kane get foot…’ Gaffar indicated towards his feet, ‘at doctor. But when he come back is…’