Nicola Barker - Darkmans

‘I tried to confront him about the yoga the other night,’ Beede interjected, ‘after our conversation at the laundry.’

Huh?

Kane raised his eyebrows.

‘You met up?’ Elen sounded excited. ‘You didn’t say…’

‘Only very briefly.’

Pause

‘He was concerned that he might’ve bruised your arms. He said there were bruises but that you’d hotly denied it…’

Kane flattened both his palms against the door. His jaw tensed.

‘So you talked about the yoga?’ she asked (simply letting the other matter pass).

‘Absolutely. I mentioned that I had some misgivings, that rather than improving matters, his behaviour seemed to be deteriorating…’

‘And how did he respond?’

‘Not well. He seemed very — I don’t know— caught up in the whole thing. He was even keeping some kind of a diary…’

‘Yes,’ Elen interrupted, ‘I often see him scribbling in it.’

‘Have you ever managed to take a peek inside?’

‘ No! ’ Elen sounded shocked. ‘It’s private. I wouldn’t dream of it.’

‘Of course. Of course …’

Beede sounded embarrassed.

Pause

‘Anyway,’ Beede continued, ‘Dory claimed that there was a technique in the Rosen book which his father had taught him as a child. I couldn’t really get to grips with it — not off-hand — it was all rather convoluted…something to do with…with Witnessing, or being a Witness…’

‘I just wish he’d stop ,’ Elen interrupted emphatically.

‘Yes. I know you do.’

Pause

‘Me too.’

Longer pause

Clinking of teacups

‘There was this really awful interlude on the beach…’ Elen finally confided.

‘Really?’

‘Yes. On Winchelsea Beach. Although the first sign of something odd was in Dungeness. He disappeared while we were visiting the lighthouse. He left Fleet and I on the second floor and ran to the very top. I found him outside, on the viewing platform, totally hysterical, hundreds of feet up.’

‘Good God,’ Beede sounded alarmed, ‘you must’ve been terrified.’ ‘Yes.’

Silence

Kane scowled, jealously, wondering what signs of tenderness — if any — this silence might contain.

‘Was he coherent?’ Beede finally asked.

‘Almost. He seem obsessed by the power station. He kept telling me that it was in the way. He said it was obscuring the port.’

‘Which port?’

‘Old Winchelsea.’

‘But Winchelsea’s a town. It’s inland.’

‘I know. I said that. He claimed that there was an old town which was washed away during some terrible storm and that they’d moved the port to a hill. He insisted we went to try and find it…’

‘And did you?’

‘Yes.’

‘How was he at this point?’

‘Surprisingly good, really, all things considered…’

‘So you went to the port?’

‘There was no port. We went to the town and he got terribly upset. He ran off again. We eventually found him on the beach. He was wading around in the mud, clowning around in the mud…’

‘He was very bad?’

‘Terrible.’

‘So how on earth did you get him back?’

‘I didn’t. I got into this ridiculous conversation with a local man — a teacher and writer — who lived in this tiny cottage close by. He took a great interest in Fleet. Fleet was being very…I don’t know…difficult… gregarious . Just letting off steam, I guess. He said he had some books about gifted children which he wanted to give us. He was involved in some government-funded organisation…’

‘Hang on a minute…’ Beede sounded incredulous. ‘You mean to tell me that in the midst of all this chaos some total stranger approaches you on the beach and starts up an arbitrary conversation about Fleet’s giftedness ?’

‘Yes. I suppose it does sound a little strange…’

‘And Dory was rolling around in the mud, meanwhile?’

‘Yes.’

‘Well how in God’s name did you go about explaining that?’

‘I didn’t. I…I just…’

‘Then you went back to his house?’

Beede seemed astounded.

‘It was right next to the beach…’

‘You went alone?’

‘It was complicated. He’d lost his daughter in the Sudan. I couldn’t get out of it. He’d gathered together this big box of papers and stuff…’

‘But what about Dory? Was it safe to leave him?’

‘Yes. Yes . He’d…I don’t know . It was a difficult situation. Embarrassing. I didn’t want to seem rude so I just quickly went to grab this book from him…’

‘A book or a box of books?’ Beede demanded.

‘Pardon?’

‘You said a box, then you said a book. Which was it?’

Silence

‘This is exactly what Dory did,’ Elen said softly.

‘What?’

‘He kept asking all these questions as though he didn’t believe me.’

Kane almost stopped breathing, he was listening so intently.

Silence

‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ Beede backtracked.

‘It does sound improbable, I know. But it was all completely innocent. It was completely…’

‘Of course it was,’ Beede insisted. ‘Ignore me. I’m just…I’m just fractious, just tired.’

‘He’s got so paranoid now, so suspicious, that he thinks I’m having an affair, that I’m keeping things hidden from him. When we were arguing on the way home he called me a slut. In front of Fleet. He can’t bear being around me. He thinks I’m disgusting…’

‘ Stop it!’ Beede chastised her, agonised. ‘ Please . Dory wouldn’t say that. Dory wouldn’t think that. How could he?’

‘But it seemed like him, Beede. He started making fun of me — repeating things I’d said in this awful voice — this cruel voice — private things, word for word, like it was all just some kind of horrible joke , some kind of awful game . But I couldn’t play along because I didn’t know what the rules were. I just wanted it to be all right. I just wanted to make it better, and I couldn’t. …’

She broke down.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Beede’s voice was very soft. ‘Put that down…’

(Clanking of a teacup.)

‘Come on, come here…’

Silence

Kane now had his full body-weight pressed up against the door. To all intents and purposes Kane was the door.

Silence

‘How’s your shoulder?’

It was Elen speaking. Her voice sounded husky, as if she’d been crying. ‘It’s fine.’

(Sound of a nose being blown.)

‘I just really, really want things to go back to how they were before.’ ‘I know you do. Of course you do.’

‘It was manageable before.’

‘Yes. I know. You’ve been very brave. Very patient. It’s obviously…’

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by a loud clattering sound.

Holy shit!

Kane leapt back. His phone. His stupid phone had suddenly begun vibrating against the door.

‘What was that?’ Beede asked, sharply.

Before Elen could answer — or Kane could gather himself together — the door had swung open.

‘Kane,’ Beede said.

‘Hi!’ Kane smiled, flushing to his roots, lifting his hand and waving it, like a fatuous, ceramic Chinese cat.

‘What do you want ?’ Beede demanded.

‘I’m just heading out,’ Kane pointed to the front door, pulling up the collar on his crombie, ‘I just thought you should…I mean in case you…’