Amitav Ghosh - Flood of Fire

‘I am very glad, Mr Reid,’ she said, ‘that we have been granted this opportunity to meet on our own.’

Suddenly a wave of thwarted desire surged over Zachary and he found himself saying, not without some bitterness: ‘You surprise me, Mrs Burnham. When we parted last I had the clear impression that you wanted to be rid of me.’

From under the cover of her slowly spinning parasol Mrs Burnham shot him an imploring glance. ‘Oh please, Mr Reid; you know very well the circumstances. If I seemed unkind it was only because it was so very difficulty to forsake our … our intimacy. Anyway the past doesn’t matter now: I have something of the greatest importance to say — and I don’t know if there will ever be another opportunity. Mr Burnham will be back all too soon, so there is very little time.’

Startled by the intensity of her tone, Zachary said: ‘What is it, Mrs Burnham? Tell me.’

‘It is about Paulette: I know you have written to her, to sever your connection. She has told me about your chitty.’

‘What did she say?’

‘She did not say much but I could tell that she was deeply, deeply wounded.’

‘Well I am sorry about that, Mrs Burnham,’ said Zachary. ‘I tried to be polite but the truth is that I too was deeply hurt by the things she had said about me.’

‘But that’s just the cheez!’ Mrs Burnham caught her breath with a muted sob. ‘Paulette didn’t mean what I thought she had! It was all a terrible misunderstanding on my part.’

‘I don’t understand, Mrs Burnham.’ Zachary’s voice fell to a whisper. ‘Do you mean that she never implied that she was “with child”?’

‘Not intentionally. No.’

‘But what of her relations with your husband? They were not entirely innocent surely?’

‘Well Mr Reid, I do believe they were, at least on Paulette’s part. I am sure her stories of the beatings were true; I am sure also that she did it without knowing what she was doing — and when she realized what it signified, she fled our house immediately, before things could go any further.’

Over the last many months Zachary had come to be convinced that Paulette had wilfully and maliciously deceived both himself and Mrs Burnham; that his suspicions might be unfounded was hard to accept. ‘How do you know all this?’ he demanded. ‘Did you ask her about it?’

‘No,’ said Mrs Burnham. ‘I did not ask her directly. But one day when my husband and I were in Macau we ran into her unexpectedly. I watched the two of them closely and you can take my word for it that she behaved in a way that entirely gave the lie to the conjectures that you and I had nurtured. She was completely natural and unafraid — it was my husband who seemed sheepish and apprehensive. I am convinced now that she told you the truth about what had passed between them — it was only that and nothing more.’

Still unconvinced, Zachary persisted: ‘I don’t see how you can be so sure.’

‘But I am indeed sure, Mr Reid,’ she said. ‘I realize now that I had let my imagination run away with me. I was at a loss to understand why Paulette had fled our house and the only explanation I could think of was that you had puckrowed and impregnated her. When you came to ask for that job, this suspicion weighed heavily upon me; I thought that if I had you within my grasp, I could make you repent of your loocherism and cure you of it forever. But then something changed; against my own will I found myself drawn to you and was powerless to resist. That was why, perhaps, I was willing to believe the worst of Paulette — yet she was utterly without blame. The fault was entirely mine.’

Now, at last Zachary began to give ground. ‘The fault was as much mine as yours, Mrs Burnham,’ he said grudgingly. ‘What you have owned of yourself is true for both of us. I too was prepared to believe the worst of Paulette — perhaps because it seemed to lessen our own guilt.’

‘Yes, we are both guilty—’

She cut herself short as a skiff appeared in the distance, pulling away from the Wellesley and heading towards the Anahita .

‘Oh there is my husband’s boat!’ said Mrs Burnham breathlessly. ‘He will be here in a matter of minutes and after that I must go into town, to make a few calls. We have very little time left, so please, Mr Reid, you must listen jaldee.’

‘Yes, Mrs Burnham?’

‘We — or rather I — have done Paulette a terrible injustice, Mr Reid. I would have liked to make amends myself, but I dare not, for fear of revealing too much, about us — you and I.’

‘So Paulette doesn’t know about us?’

‘No, of course not,’ said Mrs Burnham. ‘I told her nothing for fear that it might put an end to the possibility of a future for you and her.’

Zachary’s eyebrows rose: ‘What do you mean by “future”, Mrs Burnham?’

‘I mean your happiness, Mr Reid.’ Mrs Burnham raised a hand to brush away a tear. ‘You were destined to be together, you and Paulette — I can see that now. And so you might have been, if not for me.’

She looked him in the face, eyes glistening. ‘I am a vile, selfish, weak creature, Mr Reid. I succumbed to temptation with you and have been the cause of much unhappiness for yourself and for Paulette, for whom I have nothing but affection. I know all too well what it is to have one’s love destroyed and I am tormented by the thought that I may myself have been the cause of it, for the two of you. You cannot let me go to my grave with that weighing upon my soul. I will have no peace until I know that you have been reunited with her.’

‘But there is nothing to be done, Mrs Burnham,’ protested Zachary. ‘Paulette still has my letter — I cannot take it back.’

‘Yes you can, Mr Reid. You can apologize to her; you can explain that you had been deceived by salacious gossip. You can beg forgiveness. You must do it for my sake if not for your own — if ever I meant anything to you, you must do it for me.’

Such was the urgency in her voice that Zachary could not refuse. ‘But Mrs Burnham, how am I to meet with her? I doubt that she would receive me.’

‘Oh do not worry about that, Mr Reid; I have already thought of a way to bring the two of you together.’

Mrs Burnham’s voice grew increasingly hurried now, seeing that the skiff had pulled abreast of the Anahita .

‘You will have an opportunity very soon. On New Year’s Day, we are holding a sunset levée on the Anahita . Mr Burnham wants to receive and entertain some of the expedition’s officers. There will be some ladies too, and I have invited Paulette as well. She has accepted — perhaps because she does not know that you are here. You must come — you can speak to her then.’

With that Mrs Burnham turned around and made her way down to the maindeck, with her parasol on her shoulder. Zachary followed a few steps behind and stood in the shadows, watching as her posture grew more erect. By the time Mr Burnham stepped on deck she had completely regained her usual air of regal indifference. Watching the couple together, as they exchanged a brisk kiss and a few quiet words, Zachary was seized with admiration, not just for her but also for her husband, who was the picture of calm mastery.

‘May I take the skiff now, dear?’ said Mrs Burnham. ‘I thought I would go to Macau to make a few calls.’

‘Yes of course, dear,’ said Mr Burnham. ‘And if I may, I will charge you with an errand.’

‘Certainly,’ said Mrs Burnham. ‘What is it?’

‘You will perhaps remember Mrs Moddie, who we had once met in Bombay? I think I mentioned to you, didn’t I, that she would be travelling to Macau on the Hind ? Her late husband was my colleague on the Select Committee — a most remarkable man. Indeed, this expeditionary force might not be here today if not for Mr Moddie; at a crucial meeting of the committee, it was Mr Moddie who helped carry the day by standing fast in the defence of freedom.’