Rabih Alameddine - The Hakawati

“My father has his pigeon stories and I have mine, for life, like a good tale, repeats itself. I noticed my first flock of pigeons in the skies of Beirut when I was a boy of thirteen. They were always there, but, like most people, I’d been oblivious. Notice their existence once and you begin to see them everywhere, all the time. I had no idea at the time that my father had been a pigeoneer when he was young, and apparently a terrible one. My father told us very little about his growing up. I guess he was embarrassed about his background, or maybe he was saving his best stories for you. I saw my first flock, and ten minutes later I saw my second, and then my third and fourth, and all of a sudden my skies brimmed with pigeons. One afternoon, atop Charlemagne, while admiring a flock in flight, I began to guess at the presence of magic. I was able to discern the art, as well as the logic, of flight patterns. The realization was both gradual and instantaneous. Magic. And as soon as I had my epiphany, my eyes understood where to look for the locus of the sorcery. Though I couldn’t see him, the wizard himself must have been on the roof of the old three-story building below the school.

“The following afternoon, I ran to the building and asked about the pigeons. The shopkeeper on the ground floor told me to go up to the roof. The pigeon fancier, an aged man, realized I was a smitten boy. He allowed me to walk around and look at his prize collection.

“There were five cages on the roof, each of them bigger than my bedroom. One cage had young pigeons of different breeds, another had only coupled pigeons. One was empty because the birds were being flown. I walked around and fell in love. I wanted to say something clever, so that the pigeoneer would like me and I’d be able to visit again, but my mind was numb. He was obviously a gentleman, but I wondered whether he’d let me come up a second time, or a third. Wouldn’t he quickly tire of a young boy who wanted to spend time with pigeons? I got scared and stuttered, ‘Can I work for you?’

“The pigeoneer looked me up and down. He smiled and shook his head no. He said I was too young and obviously from too good a family to work for him. I went from taciturn to loquacious in less than a second. I told him that I could come every day after classes, he was only a few meters from the school, and I was a fast learner, and would do whatever he asked and never complain, and that I looked like I was from a good family because I was going to a good school, but I was from the mountains, and my family was still up there, and I really wanted to make the pigeons fly, and he should try me out. It became obvious that he was trying his best not to laugh out loud. He said he could only afford one lira a week — which was a fortune, and he knew it. Had I walked away when he told me he wouldn’t hire me, I would have failed the first test of a pigeoneer. He always said he knew the instant I came to the roof that I would end up a pigeoneer, that he saw it in the obsessive twinkle of my eyes.

“The man’s name was Ali Itani. He was a Shiite, and he owned the old building — which had no elevator, I should add. I showed up to work the following afternoon and found him arguing vociferously with Kamal Hourani, a man who looked like his identical twin except he was a Catholic. ‘You brother of a whore wouldn’t know what honor was if it smacked you on the side of the head,’ one would say, and the other would reply, ‘Honor? You lowlife want to talk to me about honor?’ They were both seventy-one at the time, and they wore the exact same clothes, except for the shoes: checkered navy-blue shirts, and tailored pants that were worn and frayed. Ali’s shoes were black moccasins, whereas Kamal’s were burgundy, both pairs comfortably kneaded by years of wear. Though their insults were getting worse and worse, they were standing close to each other in a relaxed posture. My Sherlock Holmes mind reasoned that their arguing was a common occurrence. It turned out that Ali Itani and Kamal Hourani had been best friends since they were six years old. They both swore to me that they had been insulting each other nonstop since 1898. They had lived through schooling, work, marriage, family rearing, widowhood, two occupying powers, one Great War, numerous small wars, religious conflicts, and independence, without ever thinking of ceasing their rude insults. I felt I had entered the Garden.

“That was my first interaction with the great city of Beirut. Of course, I had been living there for over seven years, since I was five, but it seemed that I had only been a tourist. Like all cities, Beirut has many layers, and I had been familiar with one or two. What I was introduced to that day with Ali and Kamal was the Beirut of its people. You take different groups, put them on top of each other, simmer for a thousand years, keep adding more and more strange tribes, simmer for another few thousand years, salt and pepper with religion, and what you get is a delightful mess of a stew that still tastes delectable and exotic, no matter how many times you partake of it. Those men seemed to have been together for eons, and since they’d run out of conversation long ago, all that was left was ribbing and mockery and repeating the great tales to each other.

“At the first lull in the faux shouting match, Ali noticed me standing there, pointed at me, and said, ‘This is the young man I told you about.’ Without even allowing him to finish the sentence, Kamal yelled, ‘Run away, young pup. Run as fast as your legs can take you. Stay away from this invertebrate of a man, whose only intention is to worm his way into the life of his betters and feed on their loves, for he has none of his own.’ See? I told you I had found home.

“Of course, Ali told me to ignore Kamal and began to explain my duties. I had assumed I’d be cleaning up after the pigeons and feeding them, but he already had another boy for that. No, he surprised me. He wanted me to seduce the birds. A confounding task, if I say so myself. ‘Make them fall in love with you,’ Ali said. ‘I want the pigeons to want to return home for you.’ I had no idea what he was talking about. I must have stood there staring at him like a fool, which elicited gales of laughter from the two old coots. ‘Don’t worry, young pup,’ Kamal said. ‘You’ll soon understand Lazy Brain’s speech. He wants you to go into the cages with the birds and get them used to you. It’s another one of those easy tasks that Lazy Brain can’t master.’

“So my job was to be with the pigeons, spend time in the cages, hold them and pet them if they let me. That’s what I understood, and that’s what I did for the first few days. I’d show up after school. The elderly twins would be chatting up a storm and arguing about little things and big things. I thought at first that there was nothing they could agree on, but I was wrong, of course. They could both agree that it was a lot of fun to tease me.

“ ‘Are you loving those two Tumblers enough?’ Kamal would ask, and Ali would add, ‘Look at that Lemon. She seems to be moping because you’re not paying attention to her.’ I’d get so flustered that I’d walk to the pigeons they were talking about, and the pigeons would move out of my reach. I thought I could never get them to love me. Yes, I was that gullible.

“There was a wonderful pair of Istanbuls that I admired a great deal. Beautiful to look at, dark-gray feathers speckled with white, and an orange chest that seemed to have been inflated with an air pump. They’d grown to an immense size, as big as chickens. They were inseparable, and the cock seemed totally smitten with his mate. He’d coo to her, and she loved it. Four or five days after I had started, I was watching them, and my world seemed to shrink to the size of those lovers. She strolled on the ground, jerkily pecking at seeds, and he followed her every step, cooing and engrossed. She stopped and turned toward him, and he nuzzled her neck. Then he started to stroll, and she followed. ‘You’re beautiful,’ I said to them. I realized that I had spoken out loud to a pair of birds. I looked around, and the twins seemed bemused. ‘You do know how to pick your boys,’ Kamal said to Ali. It was the first time I’d heard one address the other without a slur.