Jane Bowles - My Sister's Hand in Mine - The Collected Works of Jane Bowles

MRS. CONSTABLE Lionel’s sick of the Lobster Bowl. I’m not. Molly likes it too, more than Lionel.

GERTRUDE Molly. She couldn’t like it here, not after our life in the ocean house.

MRS. CONSTABLE Tell me more, Gertrude Eastman Cuevas. Did you enjoy the scenery?

GERTRUDE What?

MRS. CONSTABLE Down in Mexico.

GERTRUDE I didn’t enjoy anything. How could I, the way they lived? It wasn’t even civilized.

MRS. CONSTABLE ( Merrily ) Great big lunches every day.

GERTRUDE There were three or four beds in every single room.

MRS. CONSTABLE Who was in them?

GERTRUDE Relatives, endless visiting relatives, snapping at each other, jabbering half the night. No wonder I look sick. ( Sadly to herself ) But I’ll be fine soon. I know it. I will … as soon as I see Molly. If only she’d come back … ( To MRS. CONSTABLE) Which way did she go? Do you think I could find her?

MRS. CONSTABLE She always goes a different way.

GERTRUDE She couldn’t like it in this ugly place. It’s not true!

MRS. CONSTABLE They take long walks down the beach or go digging for clams. They’re very polite. They invite me along. But I never accept. I know they’d rather go off together, all by themselves.

GERTRUDE ( Alarmed ) All by themselves!

MRS. CONSTABLE When they play cards at night, I like to watch them. Sometimes I’m asleep on that bench, but either way I’m around. Inez doesn’t know about it. She goes to bed early. She thinks I leave here at a reasonable hour. She’s never found out. I take off my shoes and I wade home at dawn.

GERTRUDE I don’t know what’s happening to the people in this world.

( Leaves MRS. CONSTABLE.)

MRS. CONSTABLE Why don’t you go back to Mexico, Gertrude Eastman Cuevas, go back to Pepe? (GERTRUDE looks in disgust at MRS. CONSTABLE. More gently ) Then have a drink.

GERTRUDE ( Fighting back a desire to cry ) I don’t like to drink.

MRS. CONSTABLE Then what do you like? What’s your favorite pleasure?

GERTRUDE I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t like pleasures. I … I like idealism and backbone and ambition. I take after my father. We were both very proud. We had the same standards, the same ideals. We both loved grit and fight.

MRS. CONSTABLE You loved grit and fight.

GERTRUDE We were exactly alike. I was his favorite. He loved me more than anyone in the world!

MRS. CONSTABLE ( Faintly echoing ) More than anyone in the world …

GERTRUDE ( Picking up one of the two boxes she brought with her and brooding over it ) It was a senseless dream, a nightmare.

MRS. CONSTABLE What’s in the box?

GERTRUDE Little macaroons. I bought them for Molly on the way up. I thought she’d like them. Some of them are orange and some are bright pink. ( Shakes the box and broods again, troubled, haunted by the dream ) They were so pretty …

MRS. CONSTABLE Aren’t they pretty any more?

GERTRUDE I had a dream about them just now, before I came. I was running very fast through the night trying to get to Molly, but I couldn’t find the way. I kept losing all her presents. Everything I’d bought her I kept scattering on the ground. Then I was in a cold room with my father and she was there too. I asked him for a gift. I said, “I want something to give to my child,” and he handed me this box … ( Fingering the actual box ) I opened it up, and took out a macaroon and I gave it to Molly. ( Long pause. She looks haunted, deeply troubled ) When she began to eat it, I saw that it was hollow, just a shell filled with dust. Molly’s lips were gray with dust. Then I heard him … I heard my father. ( Excited ) He was laughing. He was laughing at me! ( She goes away from MRS. CONSTABLE to collect herself ) I’ve loved him so. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’ve never been this way. I’ve always thrown things off, but now even foolish dreams hang over me. I can’t shake anything off. I’m not myself … I … ( Stiffening against the weakness ) When I was in the ocean house … ( Covering her face with her hands and shaking her head, very softly, almost to herself ) Oh, I miss it so … I miss it so.

MRS. CONSTABLE Houses! I hate houses. I like public places. Houses break your heart. Come and be with me in the Lobster Bowl. They gyp you, but it’s a great place. They gyp you, but I don’t care.

GERTRUDE It was a beautiful house with a wall and a garden and a view of the sea.

MRS. CONSTABLE Don’t break your heart, Mrs. Eastman dear, don’t …

GERTRUDE I was happy in my house. There was nothing wrong. I had a beautiful life. I had Molly. I was busy teaching her. I had a full daily life. Everything was fine. There was nothing wrong. I don’t know why I got frightened, why I married again. It must have been … it must have been because we had no money. That was it … We had so little money, I got frightened for us both … I should never have married. Now my life’s lost its meaning … I have nightmares all the time. I lie awake in the night trying to think of just one standard or one ideal but something foolish pops into my head like Fula Lopez wearing city shoes and stockings to the beach. I’ve lost my daily life, that’s all. I’ve lost Molly. My life has no meaning now. It’s their fault. It’s because I’m living their way. But I’m back now with Molly. I’m going to be fine again … She’s coming with me tonight to my birthday supper … It’s getting dark out. Where is she? (LIONEL enters at bar with basket of glasses ) Lionel. Wait …

LIONEL What is it?

GERTRUDE What did you mean just now.

LIONEL When?

GERTRUDE Before … when I came in. You said you were going, getting out.

LIONEL I am. I sent a wire just now.

GERTRUDE Wire?

LIONEL Yes, to my brother. I’m going to St. Louis. He has a business there.

GERTRUDE But you can’t do that! I’ve come back. You won’t have to live in this stupid Lobster Bowl. You’re going to be living in a house with me.

LIONEL We’ll never make a life, sticking around here. I’ve made up my mind. We’re going away …

GERTRUDE You talk like a child.

LIONEL ( Interrupting ) I’m not staying here.

GERTRUDE You’re running away … You’re running home to your family … to your brother. Don’t you have any backbone, any fight?

LIONEL I don’t care what you think about me! It’s Molly that …

GERTRUDE What about Molly!

LIONEL I’ve got to get Molly out of here, far away from everything she’s ever known. It’s her only chance.

GERTRUDE You’re taking her away from me. That’s what you’re doing.

LIONEL You’re like a wall around Molly, some kind of shadow between us. She lives …

GERTRUDE ( Interrupting, vehement ) I’m not a shadow any more. I’ve come back and I’m staying here, where I belong with Molly! (LIONEL looks at her with an expression of bitterness and revulsion ) What is it? Why do you look at me that way?

LIONEL What way?

GERTRUDE As if I was some terrible witch … That’s it, some terrible witch!

LIONEL You’re using her. You need Molly. You don’t love her. You’re using her …

GERTRUDE You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know anything about me or Molly. You never could. You never will. When she married she was desperate. She cried like a baby and she begged me to stay. But you want to drag her away from me — from her mother. She loves me more than anyone on earth. She needs me. In her heart she’s still a child.

LIONEL If you get what you want she’ll stay that way. Let her go, if you love her at all, let her go away … Don’t stop her …