Jane Bowles - My Sister's Hand in Mine - The Collected Works of Jane Bowles

MOLLY I … I don’t know … I see parts of it dark.

LIONEL Like what?

MOLLY Like woods … like pine-tree woods.

LIONEL I see it dark, but beautiful like the ocean is right now. And like I saw it once when I was a child … just before a total eclipse. Did you ever see a total eclipse?

MOLLY I never saw any kind of eclipse.

LIONEL I saw one with my brother. There was a shadow over the whole earth. I was afraid then, but it stayed in my memory like something that was beautiful. It made me afraid but I knew it was beautiful.

MOLLY It’s my game.

( They start shuffling. )

LIONEL ( Tentative ) Did you ever worry about running far away from sad things when you were young, and then later getting older and not being able to find your way back to them ever again, even when you wanted to?

MOLLY You would never want to find your way back to sad things.

LIONEL But you might have lost wonderful things too, mixed in with the sad ones. Suppose in a few years I wanted to remember the way the world looked that day, the day of the eclipse when I saw the shadow.

MOLLY ( Stops dealing her cards out very slowly, steeped in a dream ) She had a shadow.

LIONEL And suppose I couldn’t remember it. What Molly?

MOLLY She had a shadow.

LIONEL Who?

MOLLY My mother.

LIONEL Oh …

( He deals his cards out more rapidly, becoming deeply absorbed in his game. )

MOLLY It used to come and pass over her whole life and make it dark. It didn’t come very often, but when it did she used to go downstairs and drink fizzy water. Once I went down I was twelve years old. I waited until she was asleep and I sneaked down into the kitchen very quietly. Then I switched the light on and I opened the ice chest and I took out a bottle of fizzy water just like she did. Then I went over to the table and I sat down.

LIONEL ( Without looking up from his cards ) And then …

MOLLY I drank a little water, but I couldn’t drink any more. The water was so icy cold. I was going to drink a whole bottleful like she did, but nothing … really nothing turned out like I thought it would. (LIONEL mixes all his cards up together in a sudden gesture. MOLLY comes out of her dream ) Why are you messing up the cards? We haven’t begun our game … (LIONEL doesn’t answer ) What’s the matter?

LIONEL Nothing.

MOLLY But you’ve messed up the cards.

LIONEL I was trying to tell you something … It meant a lot to me … I wanted you to listen.

MOLLY I was listening.

LIONEL You told me about fizzy water … and your mother. (MOLLY automatically passing her hand over her own cards and messing them up ) I wanted you to listen. I don’t want you to half hear me any more. I used to like it but …

MOLLY ( Pathetic, bewildered ) I listen to you. We had a nice time yesterday … when … when we were digging for clams.

LIONEL ( Looking back at her unable to be angry, now with compassion ) Yes, Molly, we did. We had a very good time … yesterday. I like digging for clams … ( They hold, looking at each other for a moment ) I’m going upstairs. I’m tired. I’m going to bed.

(LIONEL exits up stairs. MRS. CONSTABLE comes out of the darkness, where she has been sleeping on her bench, into the circle of light. )

MOLLY You woke up.

MRS. CONSTABLE I’ve been awake … for a while. I was waiting.

MOLLY I won the game, but it wasn’t much fun. Lionel didn’t pay attention to the cards.

MRS. CONSTABLE I was waiting because I wanted to tell you something … a secret … I always tell you my secrets … But there’s one I haven’t told you … I’ve known it all along … But I’ve never said anything to you … never before … But now I’m going to … I must.

MOLLY ( Wide-eyed, thinking she is referring to VIVIAN) It wasn’t my fault! I didn’t mean to …

MRS. CONSTABLE My husband never loved me … Vivian?

MOLLY Vivian! It wasn’t my fault … I didn’t … She … I didn’t …

(MOLLY starts to sob. )

MRS. CONSTABLE ( Clapping her hand over MOLLY’S mouth ) Shhhhhh … They belonged to each other, my husband and Vivian. They never belonged to me … ever … But I couldn’t admit it … I hung on hard to the bitter end. When they died … nothing was left … no memories … Everything vanished … all the panic … and the strain … I hardly remember my life. They never loved me … I didn’t really love them … My heart had fake roots … when the strain was over, they dried up … they shriveled and snapped and my heart was left empty. There was no blood left in my heart at all … They never loved me! Molly … your mother … It’s not too late … She doesn’t …

MOLLY ( Interrupting, sensing that MRS. CONSTABLE will say something too awful to hear ) My mother wrote me. I got the letter today. She hates it down in Mexico. She hates it there.

MRS. CONSTABLE Molly, if you went away from here, I’d miss you very much. If you went away there wouldn’t be anyone here I loved … Molly, go away … go away with Lionel … Don’t stay here in the Lobster Bowl …

MOLLY ( Commenting on her mother’s letter and then reading from it ) She doesn’t know how long she can stand it … She says she doesn’t feel very well … “The climate doesn’t suit me … I feel sick all the time and I find it almost impossible to sleep … I can’t read very much … not at night … because the light is too feeble here in the mountains. Mrs. Lopez has two of her sisters here at the moment. Things are getting more and more unbearable. Mrs. Lopez is the least raucous of the three. I hope that you are occupying yourself with something constructive. Be careful not to dream and be sure…”

MRS. CONSTABLE Why shouldn’t you dream?

MOLLY I used to waste a lot of time day-dreaming. I guess I still do. She didn’t want me to dream.

MRS. CONSTABLE Why shouldn’t you dream? Why didn’t she want you to?

MOLLY Because she wanted me to grow up to be wonderful and strong like she is. Will she come back soon, Mrs. Constable? Will she make them all leave there? Will she?

MRS. CONSTABLE I don’t know dear … I don’t know … I suppose she will … If she needs you, she’ll come back. If she needs you, I’m sure she will.

MOLLY Are you going to walk home along the edge of the water?

MRS. CONSTABLE I like wet sand … and I like the spray.

MOLLY You’ll get the bottom of your dress all soaking wet. You’ll catch cold.

MRS. CONSTABLE I love the waves breaking in this early light … I run after them. I run after the waves … I scoop up the foam and I rub it on my face. All along the way I think it’s beginning …

MOLLY What?

MRS. CONSTABLE My life. I think it’s beginning, and then …

MOLLY And then?

MRS. CONSTABLE I see the hotel.

(MRS. CONSTABLE exits through oyster-shell door. )

MOLLY ( She reads again part of her mother’s letter ) “Two day ago, Fula Lopez went into the city and came back with a hideous white dog. She bought it in the street. The dog’s bark is high and sharp. It hasn’t stopped yapping since it came. I haven’t slept at all for two nights. Now I’m beginning a cold…”

( The lights fade as the curtain falls. )

Scene ii

The Lobster Bowl. Two months later.

INEZ ( She is middle-aged, full bosomed, spirited but a little coarse. She cannot see into MOLLY’S booth from where she stands behind the bar ) I’d rather hit myself over the head with a club than drag around here the way you do, reading comic books all day long. It’s so damp and empty and quiet in here.