Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

I must put in a Caution however, here, that you must not understand me as if I let my Friend the QUAKER into any Part of the Secret History of my former Life; nor did I commit the Grand reserv’d Article of all, to her, viz . That I was really the Girl’s Mother, and the Lady Roxana ; there was no need of that Part being expos’d; and it was always a Maxim with me, That Secrets shou’d never be open’d, without evident Utility : It cou’d be of no manner of Use to me, or her, to communicate that Part to her, besides she was too honest herself, to make it safe to me; for tho’ she lov’d me very sincerely, and it was plain, by many Circumstances, that she did so, yet she wou’d not Lye for me upon Occasion, as Amy wou’d, and therefore it was not advisable on any Terms to communicate that Part; for if the Girl, or any one else, shou’d have come to her afterwards, and put it home to her, Whether she knew that I was the Girl’s Mother or not; or was the same as the Lady Roxana , or not, she either wou’d not have denied it, or wou’d have done it with so ill a Grace, such Blushing, such Hesitations, and Faultrings in her Answers, as wou’d have put the Matter out of doubt, and betray’d herself and the Secret too.

For this Reason, I say , I did not discover anything of that kind to her; but I plac’d her, as I have said , in Amy’s stead, in the other Affairs of receiving Money, Interests, Rents, and the like , and she was as faithful as Amy cou’d be, and as diligent.

But there fell out a great Difficulty here, which I knew not how to get over; and this was, how to convey the usual Supply, or Provision and Money, to the Uncle and the other Sister, who depended, especially the Sister, upon the said Supply, for her Support; and indeed, tho’ Amy had said rashly, that she wou’d not take any more Notice of the Sister, and wou’d leave her to perish, as above , yet it was neither in my Nature, or Amy’s either, much less was it in my Design; and therefore I resolv’d to leave the Management of what I had reserv’d for that Work, with my faithful QUAKER, but how to direct her to manage them, was the great Difficulty.

Amy had told them in so many Words, That she was not their Mother, but that she was the Maid Amy , that carried them to their Aunt’s; that she and their Mother went over to the East-Indies to seek their Fortune, and that there good Things had befallen them; and that their Mother was very rich and happy; that she (Amy) had married in the Indies , but being now a Widow, and resolving to come over to England , their Mother had oblig’d her to enquire them out, and do for them as she had done; and that now she was resolv’d to go back to the Indies again; but that she had Orders from their Mother to do very handsomely by them; and, in a word , told them, She had 2000 l . a-piece for them, upon Condition that they prov’d sober, and married suitably to themselves, and did not throw themselves away upon Scoundrels.

The good Family in whose Care they had been, I had resolv’d to take more than ordinary Notice of; and Amy , by my Order, had acquainted them with it, and oblig’d my Daughters to promise to submit to their Government, as formerly, and to be rul’d by the honest Man, as by a Father and Counsellor; and engag’d him to treat them as his Children; and to oblige him effectually to take Care of them, and to make his Old-Age comfortable both to him and his Wife, who had been so good to the Orphans: I had order’d her to settle the other 2000 l . that is to say , the Interest of it, which was 120 l . a Year, upon them; to be theirs for both their Lives; but to come to my two Daughters after them: This was so just, and was so prudently manag’d by Amy , that nothing she ever did for me, pleas’d me better: And in this Posture, leaving my two Daughters with their ancient Friend, and so coming away to me, (as they thought to the East-Indies) she had prepar’d everything in order to her going over with me to Holland ; and in this Posture that Matter stood when that unhappy Girl, who I have said so much of , broke in upon all our Measures, as you have heard ; and by an Obstinacy never to be conquer’d or pacify’d, either with Threats or Perswasions, pursu’d her Search after me (her Mother) as I have said , till she brought me even to the Brink of Destruction, and wou’d, in all Probability, have trac’d me out at last, if Amy had not by the Violence of her Passion, and by a Way which I had no Knowledge of, and indeed abhorr’d, put a Stop to her; of which I cannot enter into the Particulars here.

However, notwithstanding this, I cou’d not think of going away, and leaving this Work so unfinish’d as Amy had threatn’d to do, and for the Folly of one Child, to leave the other to starve; or to stop my determin’d Bounty to the good Family I have mention’d: So, in a word , I committed the finishing it all, to my faithful Friend the QUAKER, to whom I communicated as much of the old Story, as was needful to empower her to perform what Amy had promis’d; and to make her talk so much to the Purpose, as one emply’d more remotely than Amy had been, needed to do.

To this Purpose, she had first of all a full Possession of the Money; and went first to the Honest Man and his Wife, and settl’d all the Matter with them; when she talk’d of Mrs Amy , she talk’d of her as one that had been empower’d by the Mother of the Girls, in the Indies , but was oblig’d to go back to the Indies , and had settl’d all sooner, if she had not been hinder’d by the obstinate Humour of the other Daughter; that she had left Instructions with her for the rest; but that the other had affronted her so much, that she was gone away without doing any-thing for her; and that now, if any-thing was done, it must be by fresh Orders from the East-Indies .

I need not say how punctually my new Agent acted; but which was more, she brought the Old-Man and his Wife, and my other Daughter, several times to her House, by which I had an Opportunity, being there only as a Lodger, and a Stranger , to see my other Girl, which I had never done before, since she was a little Child.

The Day I contriv’d to see them, I was dress’d-up in a Quaker’s Habit, and look’d so like a Quaker , that it was impossible for them, who had never seen me before, to suppose I had ever been anything else; also my Way of talking was suitable enough to it, for I had learn’d that long before.

I have not Time here to take Notice what a Surprize it was to me, to see my Child; how it work’d upon my Affections; with what infinite Struggle I master’d a strong Inclination that I had to discover myself to her; how the Girl was the very Counterpart of myself, only much handsomer; and how sweetly and modestly she behav’d; how on that Occasion I resolv’d to do more for her, than I had appointed by Amy, and the like .

’Tis enough to mention here, that as the settling this Affair made Way for my going on-board, notwithstanding the Absence of my old Agent Amy ; so however, I left some Hints for Amy too, for I did not yet despair of my hearing from her; and that if my good QUAKER shou’d ever see her again, she should let her see them; wherein particularly ordering her to leave the Affair of Spittle-Fields just as I had done, in the Hands of my Friend, she shou’d come away to me, upon this Condition nevertheless, that she gave full Satisfaction to my Friend the QUAKER, that she had not murther’d my Child; for if she had, I told her , I wou’d never see her Face more: How, notwithstanding this, she came over afterwards, without giving my Friend any of that Satisfaction, or any Account that she intended to come over.