Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

I say, I had a grateful Sence upon my Mind, of his Kindness and Faithfulness to me, and I resolv’d to show him some Testimony of it, as soon as I came to the End of my Rambles, for I was yet but in a State of Uncertainty, and sometimes that gave me a little Uneasiness too; I had Paper indeed, for my Money, and he had shew’d himself very good to me, in conveying me away, as above: But I had not seen the End of things yet; for unless the Bills were paid, I might still be a great Loser by my Dutchman , and he might, perhaps, have contriv’d all that Affair of the Jew , to put me into a Fright, and get me to run away, and that, as if it were to save my Life; that if the Bills should be refus’d, I was cheated, with a Witness, and the like; but these were but Surmises, and indeed, were perfectly without Cause; for the honest Man acted as honest Men always do; with an upright and disinterested Principle; and with a Sincerity not often to be found in the World; what Gain he made by the Exchange, was just, and was nothing but what was his Due, and was in the Way of his Business; but otherwise he made no Advantage of me at-all.

When I pass’d in the Ship between Dover and Callais , and saw Beloved England once more under my View; England , which I counted my Native Country; being the Place I was bred up in, tho’ not born there; a strange kind of Joy possess’d my Mind, and I had such a longing Desire to be there, that I would have given the Master of the Ship twenty Pistoles to have stood-over, and set me on shore in the Downs ; and when he told me he cou’d not do it, that is, that he durst not do it, if I wou’d have given him an hundred Pistoles, I secretly wish’d, that a Storm wou’d rise, that might drive the Ship over to the Coast of England , whether they wou’d or not, that I might be set on Shore any-where upon English Ground.

This wicked Wish had not been out of my Thoughts above two or three Hours, but the Master steering away to the North , as was his Course to do, we lost Sight of Land on that Side, and only had the Flemish Shore in View on our Right-hand, or, as the Seamen call it, the Starboard-Side; and then with the Loss of the Sight, the Wish for Landing in England , abated; and I consider’d how foolish it was to wish myself out of the Way of my Business; that if I had been on Shore in England , I must go back to Holland , on account of my Bills, which were so considerable, and I having no Correspondence there, that I cou’d not have manag’d it, without going myself: But we had not been out of Sight of England many Hours, before the Weather began to change, the Winds whistl’d, and made a Noise, and the Seamen said to one-another, that it would Blow hard at Night: It was then about two Hours before Sun-set, and we were pass’d by Dunkirk , and I think they said we were in sight of Ostend ; but then the Wind grew high, and the Sea swell’d, and all things look’d terrible, especially to us, that understood nothing but just what we saw before us; in short, Night came on, and very dark it was, the Wind freshen’d; and blew harder and harder, and about two Hours within Night, it blew a terrible Storm.

I was not quite a Stranger to the Sea, having come from Rochelle [145] Rochelle : La Rochelle was the port of embarkation for large numbers of Protestant refugees leaving Poitou. to England , when I was a Child, and gone from London , by the River Thames , to France afterward, as I have said: But I began to be alarm’d a little with the terrible Clamour of the Men over my Head, for I had never been in a Storm, and so had never seen the like, or heard it; and once, offering to look out at the Door of the Steerage, as they call’d it, it struck me with such Horrour, the darkness, the fierceness of the Wind, the dreadful height of the Waves, and the Hurry [146] Hurry : agitation, commotion. the Dutch Sailors were in, whose Language I did not understand one Word of; neither when they curs’d, or when they pray’d; I say, all these things together, fill’d me with Terror; and, in short, I began to be very much frighted.

When I was come back into the Great-Cabbin, there sat Amy , who was very Sea-sick, and I had a little before given her a Sup [147] Sup : sip. of Cordial-waters, to help her Stomach: When Amy saw me come back, and sit down without speaking, for so I did, she look’d two or three times up at me, at last she came running to me, Dear Madam! says she , what is the Matter? what makes you look so pale? why, you a’nt well; what is the Matter? I said nothing still, but held up my Hands two or three times; Amy doubl’d her Importunities; upon that, I said no more, but, step to the Steerage-Door, and look out, as I did ; so she went away immediately, and look’d too, as I had bidden her; but the poor Girl came back again in the greatest Amazement and Horrour, that ever I saw any poor Creature in, wringing her Hands, and crying out she was undone! she was undone! she shou’d be drown’d! they were all lost! Thus she ran about the Cabbin like a mad thing, and as perfectly out of her Senses, as any one in such a Case cou’d be suppos’d to be.

I was frighted myself; but when I saw the Girl in such a terrible Agony, it brought me a little to myself, and I began to talk to her, and put her in a little Hope; I told her, there was many a Ship in a Storm, that was not cast-away; and I hop’d we shou’d not be drown’d; that it was true, the Storm was very dreadful, but I did not see that the Seamen were so much concern’d as we were; and so I talk’d to her as well as I cou’d, tho’ my Heart was full enough of it, as well as Amy’s , and Death began to stare in my Face, ay, and some-thing else too, that is to say, Conscience, and my Mind was very much disturb’d, but I had nobody to comfort me.

But Amy being in so much worse a Condition, that is to say, so much more terrify’d at the Storm, than I was, I had something to do to comfort her; she was, as I have said, like one distracted, and went raving about the Cabbin, crying out, she was undone! undone! she shou’d be drown’d, and the like ; and at last, the Ship giving a Jerk, by the Force, I suppose, of some violent Wave, it threw poor Amy quite down, for she was weak enough before, with being Sea-sick, and as it threw her forward, the poor Girl struck her Head against the Bulk-head, as the Seamen call it, of the Cabbin, and laid her as dead as a Stone, upon the Floor, or Deck, that is to say, she was so to all Apearance.

I cry’d out for Help; but it had been all one, to have cry’d out on the top of a Mountain, where no-body had been within five Miles of me; for the Seamen were so engag’d, and made so much Noise, that no-body heard me, or came near me; I open’d the Great-Cabbin Door, and look’d into the Steerage, to cry for Help, but there, to encrease my Fright, was two Seamen on their Knees, at Prayers, and only one Man who steer’d, and he made a groaning Noise too, which I took to be saying his Prayers, but it seems it was answering to those above, when they call’d to him, to tell him which Way to steer.

Here was no Help for me, or for poor Amy , and there she lay still so, and in such a Condition, that I did not know whether she was dead or alive; in this Fright I went to her, and lifted her a little way up, setting her on the Deck, with her Back to the Boards of the Bulk-head, and I got a little Bottle out of my Pocket, and I held it to her Nose, and rubb’d her Temples, and what else I could do, but still Amy shew’d no Signs of Life, till I felt for her Pulse, but could hardly distinguish her to be alive; however, after a great while, she began to revive, and in about half an Hour she came to herself, but remember’d nothing at first of what had happen’d to her, for a good-while more.