Henry Green - Back

Oh well this would never do, he thought, and asked himself where she could be. For there was a large choice. While the church was small, this graveyard gaped deep and wide, densely stacked throughout its rising ground with mounds of turf and mottled, moss grown headstones. And, as he was forever asking himself things he could seldom answer, and which, amassing in his mind, left a great weight of detail undecided, the next question he put was, what he could say if a woman came while he searched, if she were to observe that he was lame who was of an age to have lost a leg, in fact what he should do if seen by a village gossip, who might even recognize him, but who, in any case, would have her sense of scandal whetted, so he felt, by a young man with a wooden leg that did not fit, searching for a tomb.

He thought how Rose would have laughed to see him in his usual state of not knowing, lost as he always was, and had been when the sniper got him in the sights.

Indeed, if he had not come such a distance, from one country at war to another, then home again, he might well at this minute have turned back. But as it was he went in the gate, had his cheek brushed by a rose, and began awkwardly to search for Rose, through roses, in what seemed to him should be the sunniest places on a fine day, the warmest when the sun came out at twelve o’clock for she had been so warm, and amongst the newer memorials in local stone because she had died in time of war, when, or so he imagined, James could never have found marble for her, of whom, at no time before this moment, had he ever thought as cold beneath a slab, food for worms, her great red hair, still growing, a sort of moist bower for worms.

Well the old days were gone for good, he supposed while standing by a cypress, holding a briar off his face. The rose, rocking from it, sprinkled held raindrops on his eyes as, with the other hand, he poked his stick at two dwarf box trees which had obscured what he now saw to be a marble pillow. He had time to read the one word, “Sophie,” cut with no name or date, when his glance was held by a nest the walking stick uncovered, and which had been hidden by thick enamelled leaves that were as dark as the cypress, as his brown eyes under that great ivory pink rose. Changing hands with the stick so the rose softly thumped his forehead, he pushed past to lean, to feel with a hand. But the eggs were addled, blue cold as moonlight.

He wiped his fingers. Paper crackled in a pocket, to remind him of the wire, “Report to Officers Rehabilitation Centre Gateacres Ammanford by 20 hours June 12th.” It was now the thirteenth. He supposed they would not shoot a chap because he had not gone, nor, out of spite, make him pay for the new limb waiting there numb and numbered in a box. “E.N.Y.S.” it was signed. More letters standing he did not know what for.

The prisoners’ camp had flowered with initials, each inmate decorated his bunk with them out there, to let it be known what he taught. Such as “I.T.” which stood for Inner Temple, at which Marples, this very afternoon perhaps, was still teaching Roman Law. The idea had been to make the clock’s hands go round. And now that he’d come, he told himself, all he was after was to turn them back, the fool, only to find roses grown between the minutes and the hours, and so entwined that the hands were stuck.

His felt thoughts began to wander. Of course he was lucky to have a job, his seat kept warm. There were plenty still over on the other side would give the cool moon to stand in his shoes. And they would get on with it if they were here, not spend as he was doing a deal of money on travelling to old places. Then there was the coupon question. What should he do? All he had was this suit he stood up in, which he had bought, and which the tailor had not delivered, but had kept safe till he got back. The rest was looted. Oh, he was lost in this bloody graveyard. Where could she be? Rose that he’d loved, that he’d come so far for? Why did she die? Could anyone understand anything? Perhaps it would have been best if they had killed him, he felt, if instead of a sniper’s rifle in that rosebush they had pooped off something heavier at him. Rose would never have known, because she had died some time about that identical week. God bless her, he thought, his brown eyes dimmed suddenly with tears, and I hope she’s having a jolly good rest.

Then he found it was raining. He must have stood there so lost he had never taken in the first few drops. He started to drag as quick as he could for the path, to shelter in the church porch. But he had to go sideways, brushing against cypresses, getting his neck scratched once or twice, having roses spatter in his ears because he could not lift his leg properly, and did not wish to pull it over the green, turfed graves, to scar them with the long souvenir he had brought back from France.

Misery kept his mind blank until he turned the porch. Then he had a bad shock when he found who was sheltering before him. For of all people, of all imaginable men, and fat as those geese, was James. They stared at each other.

“Why good Lord,” James was saying, “why, Charley, my good lad,” he said. Speechless, Charley looked over a shoulder to find whether this widower had been in a position to see where he had been searching for the grave below. “Why, Charley, then they’ve sent you back. Good Lord, am I glad to see you, man.”

“Where’ve you been all this time?” James began once more, as Charley still found nothing. “In Germany?” he went on, not waiting for answers. “Why it must be all of five years. Now how are you?” and he pump-handled Charley who had said not a word. “They often tell us, ‘Wait till the boys come back.’ Well this is it, isn’t it?” James asked. “I mean you’re really home for keeps, for better or worse, richer or poorer, aren’t you? And what’s it like with the enemy? I suppose they put you in hospital, what? How’d they treat the boys, Charley? Pretty rotten I shouldn’t wonder, when all’s said and done. Well you haven’t come back to much I can tell you. My, but I’m glad to see you, man.”

“It’s my leg,” Charley explained. He drawled rather when he spoke.

“Yes, well there you are,” James said.

“There it is,” Charley agreed. One of those pauses followed in which the fat man’s upper lip trembled.

“Well I’d never have guessed if you hadn’t mentioned it, bless my soul I shouldn’t. Never in the world. But they do marvellous things in that line of country now, or so they tell me. Medical science comes on a lot in a war, you know. I often say it’s the one use there is in such things. Terrible price to pay, of course. But there you are.”

“You’re right there,” Charley said.

“But look, how on earth were you going to have a bite to eat? Bit difficult these days, you know, what with the B.R.N.Q., the V.B.S. and the P.M.V.O. Since the war started, no, I’m wrong, it was after the invasion of Holland and all that. Well now we haven’t even got a village bus. They still send the children in to school, of course the C.E.C. see to that, though the whole job is run very inefficiently in my opinion. But you’ll come down now and take pot luck with me, won’t you? As a matter of fact we’ve begun a pig club in the village. P.B.H.R. it’s known by, everything’s initials these days. Only time the people in these parts have got together within living memory. So there’s a piece of ham left over. Tell you the truth I haven’t started the ham, not yet. Oh and I expect we’ll find a little bit of something to go on with.”

“Thanks very much.”

“Don’t mention it, old man. Least one can do, if you know what I mean. No, but you’ll be really welcome, Charley. You got my letter, didn’t you? Must have been about the time you were taken prisoner. It’s made a big difference. But then there’s a lot of changes these days, and there’ll be many more I shouldn’t wonder. Lord yes. But this’ll be a damn good occasion to start that ham. Why on earth didn’t you let me know you were coming?”