Sait Abasiyanik - A Useless Man

“You’ve got what you wanted. From here on in, there’s no need to tie me up. From now on, I’m just sitting here. I’m going nowhere. No more chasing after pleasure. No more of that for me!”

“So. At last you’ve come to your senses. Good for you!” I said that but I knew full well that before morning, before the next false dawn broke, the city would be calling to him, the streets with its bright and flashing lights. By morning he would be long gone from that corner he’d curled up in, so wretched and so sore. He’d be back on the street.

Until the day I found him in that same corner, staring up at me, wide-eyed and dead.

I could say that everything I know about this man I have on good authority, but please, don’t take my word for it. There is, I think, no need to dwell on the rumors. Let me just confirm that he has a flat stomach and very long legs, with a head of golden hair, and shifty eyes. Let me also make it clear that I have no wish to imply that gossip is a wicked pastime, bringing us no joy. At the end of the day, it can enhance a reputation. We could, if we wished, imagine this man in an old-style photograph — a figure set against a background of shimmering fog. For we are not afraid.

So there he was, sitting on the low wall overlooking that vacant lot and the sea. And there, at his feet, was his dog, resting on its haunches, its front legs stretched out straight, still as a statue but for its cold, wet nose … Every now and then it looked up at its master and whimpered, as if to say, let’s go …

The man lit a cigarette and said:

“Sit. Stay still!”

The dog stretched out its front legs and put its nose between them. It closed its eyes. A gentle breeze rustled through its yellow fur, and the man’s wiry hair.

There was white mixed in with the gold. Beneath each line on his face were untold stories. Unrequited loves. Bitter heartaches. Lost looks. Lost books. Years wasted on drink and inner turmoil. Had I all the time in the world, there’s no telling what I could have found there. And what if I said that those crow’s feet around those blue eyes of his were not from laughing but from squinting at the sun? You’d just have to take my word for it! That said, I’m sure he utters those exact words whenever he happens to catch a glimpse of his reflection. I’m sure it’s what he tells his dog. But if you asked me how I can dare to make such a claim, when not a single neighbor has ever heard him utter these words, I would urge you to forget about neighbors and think instead about postmen — a nosy postman who can’t get this man out of his mind. And so there he is, in the middle of nowhere, passing the time of day with a man who has just offered him a cigarette, and saying:

“Aha! Oho! You mean that man who talks to his dog? Well, let me just tell you. The other day I took him a letter. The front door was ajar. I could hear all kinds of strange noises inside. Of course I pricked up my ears! I said to myself, ‘Now, there’s no one else inside but the man and his dog. Oh my God! What sort of dark business is this? Who could this man be talking to?’ So I peer inside to take a look. And wouldn’t you know it? He’s in there talking with his dog. A Rumeli Turk, chattering away with his dog — in Greek …”

The man who has given him the cigarette says:

“Good God, what was he saying? Or don’t you know Greek?”

“My good sir! How could I not? This is a Greek village. I’ve been the postman here for fifteen years. Of course I know Greek. Except … Forgive me, my good sir. But my throat’s a little dry. You wouldn’t mind stepping across there and fetching me a lemon soda? The good gentleman will be well aware that it’s no easy business traipsing all over town. Let me confirm that officially, my good sir. There are evenings when I pull off my shoes to find my feet aren’t the ones I left with in the morning. They’re twice the original size … Twice at least! Oh dear! All the same … Ah, what a pig! This soda’s ice cold! It’s not always like that … So where was I? Oh, so I peered inside and listened: ‘You,’ he said, ‘you think I’m old, don’t you?’ And then he says, ‘No, of course you don’t. I know you and you know me. So let me ask you … Do I ever tire of stomping over these hills and dales? You could try and tell me I’d had my fair share of laughter. You could point at all those wrinkles around my eyes … and around my lips … But you wouldn’t, my fine friend. Would you? I can’t say I never laughed, because I have. But I have never truly laughed. Not from the bottom of my heart. Whenever that urge comes to me, I recall something my mother liked to say: ‘Laugh from the bottom of your heart and you shall weep as many tears.’ I simply can’t laugh the way I want to. You know how people smile when they meet someone they know. Well, that’s the best I’ve ever managed, in my happiest moments. If I hold back my smiles when I greet people, it’s because I’m afraid they might lead me to cry. But I’m rambling, dear friend! All I meant to say was that those crow’s feet aren’t from tears or laughter. They’re from that sun up there … Up there in the sky. You know how I wander about all day under the sun. Now look closely right here. There are more wrinkles around my left eye, aren’t there? That’s because the squint in that eye is stronger. Because the eye itself is more sensitive to light. It’s been that way since the day I was born. The other eye’s fine, thank God. So I can get by. Otherwise I’d have to wear a monocle. Imagine that, my friend. A one-eyed dandy!”

Could we imagine the postman uttering the very words I have just set down on paper? I ask because he never did. But just imagine that he had. Imagine his voice, hissing like a serpent. Imagine the cold, jaundiced glint in his lying eyes. Imagine all that and you can see the listener bidding the postman goodbye, and going off to repeat the story, and not just the story, but the fidgeting. The hissing voice. The gaze. That much you would agree. So now that I am ready to write what remains of this story — beyond the episode that cost me a cigarette and a lemon soda — allow me to indulge in a modest preamble, in which I’ll reveal the secrets of my trade. From now on, I shall write in such a way as to stir you to ask, “And how do you know all this?” How I know such things I decline to say. But I can’t stop myself from saying this: maybe I live with this man. Though I won’t say that maybe he’s me. Say if I were to write, “Alone in his room, he scratched his head.” You might ask me how I knew that, or if I had seen him do it. Or if I were to say, “He wakes up in the morning with a heavy heart.” What a ridiculous line that would be! You might ask, “Are you this man? Stop playing games! Enough! How could you ever know how the bastard feels?” You have every right to lose patience … Please forgive me. I shall make the same mistake many times over in the story I am about to tell. I can no longer remember if I mentioned the remarkable affinity I feel for this man. But there is one last point I’d like to make before proceeding to the heart of the matter; though this man is a kindred spirit, I have no real connection to him. I am simply setting down what our inquisitive postman and others like him have told me. So if that much is clear …

Like the postman said, I don’t think he’s avoiding people. But surely there’s a reason he spends so much time alone … He himself might not know the reason why. As the postman pointed out, he doesn’t seem cut out for life on an island, surrounded by water on all sides. He belongs in the city, surrounded by throngs. No one here in this little place would ever talk to such a man, let alone drink rakı with him; people might befriend him early on, just to learn a bit about him, but then they would peel away, leaving him alone with his dog. No one bothers him. So let’s leave behind what the postman had to say and turn to the barber: