Mingmei Yip - The Nine Fold Heaven

Ironically, both gangster heads, once bitter rivals, would come to the same end.

This made me think of the poem “Lamenting Antiquity”:

Sadly, I reflected that this applied not only to the two ruined gangster heads, but also myself. My twenty years had so far been a waste, but I hoped for a brighter future.

Two days later, Jinying’s father died, leaving him grief-stricken, despite his hatred of Lung’s way of life. Even though I’d shared his bed, I didn’t feel much about the old man’s passing. He’d been decent to me, but it had never been my choice to be with him. However, if I had not been his mistress, I’d never have met Jinying, nor had little Jinjin.

A year from now, would anyone still be awed at the mention of Lung’s name? Almost certainly not. The surviving gangsters would be too busy fighting for the number one gangster position. And the politicians who shared their spoils would find other sources of illicit income.

We buried Lung in the secret garden of his country villa. Jinying seemed to feel somewhat consoled once his father received his proper burial, and he had paid a small Daoist temple to say prayers for him. After that, we agreed that it was time for us to resume the search for our baby, Jinjin.

Shadow had carried out her role perfectly, so I kept my promise and paid her handsomely—enough for her to live on for a long time. Sitting together in her hotel room, we had a long chat. Even though no one could hear, we lowered our voices to near whispers, as if we were sharing each other’s deepest secrets.

She told me, “Camilla, I intend to leave Shanghai as soon as I can get a ticket. Do you mind?”

“Of course not. You’re a free woman now.”

“Thank you. I hate to leave you two behind, but I also have to plan for my own future.”

“Shadow, now that you have some money you can do whatever you want. What do you want to do?”

“If I can, find a man who will love me, get married, have a few babies, maybe two boys and two girls.”

I cast her a curious look. “So this will be your ultimate trick? Getting married and settling down?”

She chuckled. “Don’t you want the same for yourself?”

“I guess,” I said, but was not at all sure it was what I really wanted. But perhaps it was, since I was struggling so hard to reunite with Jinying and my baby.

She took a bottle of red wine from the side table, filled two glasses, then handed one to me. We hit our glasses and took generous sips.

She went on. “You’re a lucky woman. I see how men look at you—the young master, and Gao too. You can have whomever you want. As Yu Xuanji, the famous courtesan wrote, ‘It’s easier to find a priceless treasure, than a loving man.’ That’s why I envy you, Camilla; you have Jinying—and he’s rich too.”

“Shadow, tell me, do you have someone?”

“No… but I hope someday…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ll be fine. We’re strong women, remember? That’s why we’re each other’s most worthy rivals, right?”

I remained silent, savoring her words.

She spoke again. “We are talking like two old ladies reminiscing about our younger days.”

We both laughed.

Then I said, “At least we’ve experienced what most girls our age could never even imagine.”

“Is this a good thing or bad?”

“I don’t know, that’s for heaven to decide.”

We laughed again, this time our laughter was tinged with sadness.

Shadow and I toasted each other again, draining our glasses.

I recited the famous farewell poem Song of the Wei City by the Tang dynasty poet Wang Wei, “Please drink one more cup of wine. Once you travel beyond the Yang Pass, there will be no friends to keep you company…”

I felt a special kind of affection for my magician friend. Since we were both tongshi tianya lunluo ren, two forlorn people meeting at the far corners of the earth.

After Shadow went back to her room, I kept thinking of our strange karmic connection—from enemies competing to seduce Master Lung, to partners in our shows, and sort of friends. Perhaps because of the hardships we shared as women, we understood each other in a way different from what I shared with my lovers. Jinying loved me dearly, but he didn’t understand me, not completely. Gao understood my body and loved me with his whole heart, but what sort of future would we have? Every day I would worry if he would live to come home to me.

The following morning after I had dressed to go out, I saw that a piece of paper had been slid underneath my door. I picked it up and recognized Shadow’s handwriting:

My dear friend Camilla,

I stayed up all night to write you this. My letter is not long but has been difficult for me to write. Because you’ll probably never see me again in this life. You needn’t worry about me, I’m not going to kill myself—not after what I’ve struggled through. But now that our friendship has blossomed, it must also end. This way we part from each other with happy memories.

Don’t worry about me. Just like you, I always land on my feet, still breathing in this Ten Thousand Miles of Red Dust. Though I have choked on it many times.

I will always be grateful to you for paying me so much to perform such a simple magic trick at Wang’s birthday. You’ve given me a brightly embroidered future that I’d never dreamt possible.

I used to hate you because you’re more beautiful and talented than me and charmed Lung, the man I most wanted for myself. If you were not in the picture, I might have become the number one woman in the Shanghai underworld. But if this had happened, I’d now be a widow fought over as a prize by rival gangsters.

I envy you. How come no matter how hard I try, you’ve always stayed one step ahead of me? Maybe it’s pointless to ask questions like these. Since heaven will never let us know its grand scheme. Even if we find out, what good will that bring us mortals? All we can do is enjoy our journey, even without knowing its outcome.

Are we what the Chinese call qi nuzi, unusual women? Maybe… but also leftover people from the far ends of society.

I am glad that I had the chance to know you, understand you, admire you, hate you, and now, like you. We were truly each other’s worthiest rivals.

Fate has not been so bad to us, after all. Look at you, not only you get the fame and money, you’ve also gotten the loving man. In this life, how many people can taste both the fish and the bear’s paw?

Farewell my friend, and don’t try to look for me. Please don’t disappoint me or yourself by doing so. So, let’s enjoy our youth and beauty before our faces wrinkle, our hair turns snow white, and our loved ones are no longer by our sides.

After I finished reading, I became lost in thought with Shadow’s letter squeezed tightly in my hand. Then I ran to her room and knocked urgently on the door.

“Shadow, open the door!”

No response. I kept knocking until another door popped open to show an angry face. “Miss, what’s wrong with you? Stop making noise so early in the morning!”

Ignoring his outburst, I dashed down the stairs to the reception area.

I blurted out to the middle-aged, bespectacled man who was immersed in a newspaper, “Mister, has the lady in Room 103 already checked out?”

He put down his magazine and studied me with narrowed eyes above his black-rimmed glasses. “Why, something wrong?”