William Maugham - Plays - Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honour

But I'm not quite sure that people would swallow you even as my husband.

They'd make a face, but they'd swallow me right enough. And when I asked them down to the best shoot in England they'd come to the conclusion that I agreed with them very well.

[ Still rather amused. ] Your offer is eminently businesslike, but you see I'm not a business woman. It doesn't appeal to me.

I only ask you to perform such of the duties of a wife as are required by Society. They are few enough in all conscience. I should wish you to entertain largely and receive my guests, be polite to me, at least in public, and go with me to the various places people go to. Otherwise I leave you entire freedom. You will find me generous and heedful to all your wishes.

Captain Montgomerie, I don't know how much of all that you have said is meant seriously. But, surely you're not choosing the right time to make such a proposal when my brother owes you so much money that if you care to be hard you can ruin him.

Why not?

D'you mean to say…?

I will be quite frank with you. I should never have allowed Gerald to lose so much money which there was no likelihood of his being able to pay, if I had not thought it earned me some claim upon your gratitude.

[ Shortly. ] Gerald will pay every penny he owes you to-morrow.

[ Blandly. ] Where d'you suppose he'll get it?

I have no doubt I shall be able to manage something.

Have you not tried this morning, entirely without success?

[ Startled. ] What?

You do not forget that you have sundry moneys of your own which are payable to-morrow?

How d'you know that?

I told you that when I took a thing in hand I carried it through. You went to Dick Cohen, and he told you he'd parted with the bills. Didn't you guess that only one man could have the least interest in taking them over?

You?

Yes.

Oh, God.

Come, come, don't be worried over it. There's nothing to be alarmed about. I'm a very decent chap – if you'd accepted me right away you would never have known that those bills were in my possession. Think it over once more. I'm sure we should get on well together. I can give you what you most need, money and the liberty to fling it away as recklessly as you choose; you can give me the assured and fixed position on which – my father's heart was set.

And if I don't accept, you'll make me a bankrupt and you'll ruin Gerald?

I refuse to consider that very unpleasant alternative.

Oh! I can't, I can't.

[ Laughing. ] But you must, you must. When shall I come for your answer? To-morrow? I'll come with the bills and Gerald's I.O.U. in my pocket, and you shall burn them yourself. Good-bye.

[ Going to her eagerly. ] Hulloa! I wondered what on earth had become of you.

[ With a laugh. ] It's only two hours since I chased you away from me.

I'm afraid I bore you to death.

Don't be so silly. You know you don't.

Where are you going now?

I have rather a headache. I'm going to lie down.

I'm so sorry.

[ Sharply. ] Where are you going, Charlie?

I never asked Lady Frederick if I could do anything.

Good heavens, there are surely plenty of servants in the hotel to get her anything she wants.

Don't you think a drive in the motor would do her good?

[ Unable to control herself. ] Oh, I have no patience with you. I never saw such a ridiculous infatuation in my life.

Steady, old girl, steady.

What on earth d'you mean, mother?

Presumably you're not going to deny that you're in love with that woman.

[ Growing pale. ] Would you mind speaking of her as Lady Frederick?

You try me very much, Charlie. Please answer my question.

I don't want to seem unkind to you, mother, but I think you have no right to ask about my private affairs.

If you're going to talk this matter over you're more likely to come to an understanding if you both keep your tempers.

There's nothing I wish to discuss.

Don't be absurd, Charlie. You're with Lady Frederick morning, noon and night. She can never stir a yard from the hotel but you go flying after. You pester her with your ridiculous attentions.

[ Blandly. ] One's relations have always such an engaging frankness. Like a bad looking-glass, they always represent you with a crooked nose and a cast in your eye.

[ To Mereston.] I have certainly a right to know what you mean by all this and what is going to come of it.

I don't know what will come of it.

The question that excites our curiosity is this: are you going to ask Lady Frederick to marry you?

I refuse to answer that. It seems to me excessively impertinent.

Come, come, my boy, you're too young to play the heavy father. We're both your friends. Hadn't you better make a clean breast of it? After all, your mother and I are interested in nothing so much as your welfare.

[ Imploring. ] Charlie!

Of course I'd ask her to marry me if I thought for a moment that she'd accept. But I'm so terrified that she'll refuse, and then perhaps I shall never see her again.

The boy's stark, staring mad.

I don't know what I should do if she sent me about my business. I'd rather continue in this awful uncertainty than lose all hope for ever.

By George. You're pretty far gone, my son. The lover who's diffident is in a much worse way than the lover who protests.