William Maugham - Plays - Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honour

It's the same dear scatter-brained, good-hearted Betsy that I used to know.

You're the only person who calls me Betsy now. To all the others I'm only Elizabeth.

Look here, what are you going to do with this dressmaker?

I don't know. I always trust to the inspiration of the moment.

She'll make a devil of a fuss, won't she?

Oh, no; I shall be quite nice to her.

I daresay. But won't she be very disagreeable to you?

You don't know what a way I have with my creditors.

I know it's not a paying way.

Isn't it? I bet you a hundred louis that I offer her the money and she refuses it.

I'll take that.

Here she is.

Madame Claude.

Best of women. This is a joyful surprise.

[ Drawing herself up. ] I 'eard quite by chance that your ladyship was at Monte.

So you came to see me at once. That was nice of you. You're the very person I wanted to see.

[ Significantly. ] I'm glad of that, my lady, I must confess.

You dear creature. That's one advantage of Monte Carlo, one meets all one's friends. Do you know Mr. Fouldes? This is Madame Claude, an artist, my dear Paradine, a real artist.

[ Grimly. ] I'm pleased that your ladyship should think so.

How d'you do.

Now, this gown. Look, look, look. In this skirt there's genius, mon cher . In the way it hangs my whole character is expressed. Observe the fullness of it, that indicates those admirable virtues which make me an ornament to Society, while the frill at the bottom just suggests those foibles – you can hardly call them faults – which add a certain grace and interest to my personality. And the flounce. Paradine, I beseech you to look at it carefully. I would sooner have designed this flounce than won the Battle of Waterloo.

Your ladyship is very kind.

Not at all, not at all. You remember that rose chiffon. I wore it the other day, and the dear Archduchess came up to me and said: "My dear, my dear." I thought she was going to have a fit. But when she recovered she kissed me on both cheeks and said: "Lady Frederick, you have a dressmaker worth her weight in gold." You heard her, Paradine, didn't you?

You forget that I only arrived last night.

Of course. How stupid of me. She'll be perfectly delighted to hear that you're in Monte Carlo. But I shall have to break it to her gently.

[ Unmoved. ] I'm sorry to intrude upon your ladyship.

Now what are you talking about? If you hadn't come to see me I should never have forgiven you.

I wanted to have a little talk with your ladyship.

Oh, but I hope we shall have many little talks. Have you brought your motor down?

Yes.

That's charming. You shall take me for a drive in it every day. I hope you're going to stay some time.

That depends on circumstances, Lady Frederick. I 'ave a little business to do here.

Then let me give you one warning – don't gamble.

Oh, no, my lady. I gamble quite enough in my business as it is. I never know when my customers will pay their bills – if ever.

[ Slightly taken aback. ] Ha, ha, ha.

[ With a deep guffaw. ] Ho, ho, ho.

Isn't she clever? I must tell that to the Archduchess. She'll be so amused. Ha, ha, ha, ha. The dear Archduchess, you know she loves a little joke. You must really meet her. Will you come and lunch? I know you'd hit it off together.

[ More genially. ] That's very kind of your ladyship.

My dear, you know perfectly well that I've always looked upon you as one of my best friends. Now who shall we have? There's you and me and the Archduchess. Then I'll ask Lord Mereston.

The Marquess of Mereston, Lady Frederick?

Yes. And Mr. Fouldes, his uncle.

Excuse me, are you the Mr. Paradine Fouldes?

[ Bowing. ] At your service, madam.

I'm so glad to make your acquaintance, Mr. Fouldes. [ Unctuously. ] I've always heard you're such a bad man.

Madam, you overwhelm me with confusion.

Believe me, Mr. Fouldes, it's not the ladies that are married to saints who take the trouble to dress well.

Now we want a third man. Shall we ask my brother – you know Sir Gerald O'Mara, don't you? Or shall we ask Prince Doniani? Yes, I think we'll ask the Prince. I'm sure you'd like him. Such a handsome man! That'll make six.

It's very kind of you, Lady Frederick, but – well, I'm only a tradeswoman, you know.

A tradeswoman? How can you talk such nonsense. You are an artist – a real artist, my dear. And an artist is fit to meet a king.

Well, I don't deny that I'd be ashamed to dress my customers in the gowns I see painted at the Royal Academy.

Then it's quite settled, isn't it, Madame Claude – oh, may I call you Ada?

Oh, Lady Frederick, I should be very much flattered. But how did you know that was my name?

Why you wrote me a letter only the other day.

Did I?

And such a cross letter too.

[ Apologetically. ] Oh, but Lady Frederick, that was only in the way of business. I don't exactly remember what expressions I may have made use of —

[ Interrupting, as if the truth had suddenly flashed across her. ] Ada! I do believe you came here to-day about my account.

Oh, no, my lady, I promise you.

You did; I know you did. I see it in your face. Now that really wasn't nice of you. I thought you came as a friend.