Sharon Creech - Absolutely Normal Chaos

MARY LOU:Surprise, surprise.

MAGGIE:Yes Kenny, I’m still here. (Pause.) Fine. (Sarcastically:) I’ll just sit here and wait for you to let me know! (She hangs up the phone. To Mary Lou:) Couldn’t you keep quiet for five lousy minutes?

MARY LOU:What’s your problem?

MAGGIE:Oh, nothing. My life is just ruined, that’s all. (She runs out of the room, crying.)

(Tommy continues to splat the milk. The phone rings. Mary Lou answers it.)

MARY LOU:Finney residence, Mary Lou speaking. (Pause.) Oh, hi, Beth Ann. (Pause.) Oh. (Pause.) Really? (Pause.) Ah. (Pause.) Well… (Pause.) Maybe… (Long pause.) The blue blouse and the white skirt. (Pause.) Oh. (Pause.) Ah. (Pause.) The red blouse…. (Pause.) Oh. (Long pause.) Uh-huh. (Pause.) Yup. (Pause.) Glad I could be of some help. (She hangs up the phone.)

(Tommy continues to splat the milk. The phone rings. Mary Lou answers it.)

MARY LOU:Finney residence, Mary Lou speak— (Pause.) Oh, hello, Beth Ann.

(Mary Lou’s brother Dennis, age twelve, enters, running, and stops behind Mary Lou, where he proceeds to pull on the phone cord and make faces.)

MARY LOU:Stop it! (Pause.) No, I meant Dennis. Stop it! (Dennis doesn’t stop it.) He’s pulling on the stupid cord. (Pause.) Oh. The green blouse…. (Pause.) Ah. Stop it! (Pause.) No, I meant Dennis. He’s still pull— (Pause.) Oh, God. (Pause.) No, I’m not mad.

DENNIS: (putting his mouth by the phone) You’re just jealllll-ous, Mar-eee Louuuuu.

MARY LOU: (pushes Dennis away) Will you just STOP it? (Pause.) No, I meant… (Pause.) No, I am NOT jealous….

(Scene fades out. Next scene opens as family is finishing dinner. Mary Lou, Maggie, Tommy, Dennis, their mother, their father, another brother—Dougie, age eight—and a cousin named Carl Ray, age seventeen, are at the table.)

DENNIS: (to no one in particular) Mary Lou is jealous ’cause Beth Ann has a DATE.

MARY LOU:Be quiet.

MOTHER:Is that true, Mary Lou?

MARY LOU:NO! God.

MOTHER:Don’t say “God.” Beth Ann doesn’t have a date?

DENNIS:She does too.

MOTHER:Well, does she or doesn’t she, Mary Lou? Dennis, stop poking Dougie.

FATHER:Carl Ray, did you get a job today?

CARL RAY:Un-uh.

FATHER:Does that mean no, you didn’t?

CARL RAY:Uh-huh.

FATHER:Does that mean yes it’s right that no… (He stops, looks at mother. He seems to be in pain.)

(Scene fades to kitchen, where Mary Lou and Maggie are washing dishes while mother puts things in refrigerator.)

MOTHER:Mary Lou, I want to talk to you about Carl Ray’s room.

(Mary Lou keeps washing the dishes.)

MOTHER:His bed looks like Tommy made it up.

MARY LOU:He did.

MOTHER: Tommy made it up?

MARY LOU:Yup.

MOTHER:And why was that?

MARY LOU:What?

MOTHER:Why did Tommy make up Carl Ray’s bed?

MARY LOU:Don’t rightly know.

MOTHER:Mary Lou Finney…

MARY LOU:Okay, okay. Tommy made it up because I asked him to because I am sick and tired of cleaning up after that…

MOTHER:Mary Lou Finney, you will make up our guest’s bed and you will clean his room. For the first two weeks he’s a guest. Remember?

(Mother leaves room.)

MARY LOU:Brother.

(The phone rings. Maggie practically breaks her neck running to answer it.)

MAGGIE:Finney residence, Maggie speaking. (Pause.) Oh, Angie… (Pause.) You talked to Ellen? Oh, good. What did she— (Pause.) And you told her about me and Kenny…. (Pause.) Oh, good. She is? He did? Oh, good. (Pause.) Okay, ’bye. (She hangs up, smiles. The phone rings and Maggie grabs it.)

MAGGIE:Finney residence, Mag— (Pause. Sweetly.) Oh, hello Kenny. (Pause.) You did? (Pause.) You do? (Pause.) Well… (Pause.) I guess so.

(Scene fades out.)

And that’s just the way the day went.

Right now Beth Ann is probably still out on her big date. I’m going to have to hear every little detail tomorrow. Today I stopped over at her house and she modeled about fifteen outfits, still trying to decide what she was going to wear. Honestly, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Guys never notice anyway. She finally decided on a red blouse and white slacks. I thought she looked a little fat in that outfit, but she was such a wreck that I didn’t dare say so.

Then she messed around with her hair for about three hours, trying to decide whether it looked better up or down. At about four o’clock she said she had to take a bath and start getting ready. Derek and his brother were arriving at seven! I sure hope she had enough time.

Maybe I am a little jealous, but also I am sort of happy for her, because she thinks this is such a big deal. I don’t think I would want to go out with someone I had never met before, though. I mean, what if you didn’t like the guy?

I guess you could probably tell from the play I wrote yesterday that dear ole Maggie got permission from Dad to go to the big party on Saturday with Kenny. Cinderella Maggie has to be home at midnight, though.

Today was Maggie’s day to watch Tommy, but she traded with me because she had to go out and buy a dress. Brother. She came home with this skin-eeee black dress that has almost no back.

I think Carl Ray is putting on a few pounds (no wonder). Maybe he didn’t get fed at Aunt Radene’s. The biggest news of the day came at dinner, when Dad said, for about the millionth time, “So, Carl Ray, find a job today?”

Carl Ray nodded . We almost missed it, because we are so used to him saying “Un-uh” or “Nope.”

Dad said, “Does that mean…”

Mom said, “You got a…”

And for the first time since Carl Ray arrived, he actually grinned. “Yup,” he said.

Boy, did Dad look happy. “Well, now, that’s great news!”

“Sure is, Carl Ray,” I said, and all around the table everyone was saying “Wow” and “Good” and “My, my.”

Carl Ray kept grinning. He actually had to stop shoveling food into his mouth because he was grinning so much. This is how it went after that:

DAD:So where is this new job?

CARL RAY:Hardware store.

MOM:Furtz’s Hardware?

CARL RAY:Yup.

DAD:Well!

MOM:And what will you do there?

CARL RAY: (after a pause) Don’t rightly know.

DAD:You don’t know what your job entails?

CARL RAY: (after a pause) Un-uh.

MAGGIE:When do you start work, Carl Ray?

CARL RAY:Monday.

Do we sound like a boring family or what?