Sharon Creech - Absolutely Normal Chaos

“Oh. Them. Yuh.”

“Are they here at the pool?”

Alex looked around. “Don’t think so.”

“Oh.” When I talk with Alex, I always feel like I’m missing something, like I don’t hear all the words. “How was the party?”

“Party?”

“Christy’s party. Didn’t you go?”

“Oh. Yeah. It was okay. Sort of boring.”

Alex was wearing these cute blue shorts and a T-shirt with “Ohio State University” printed on it. He asked me who I was with.

“You mean here, at the pool?”

“Yeah.”

“Dougie and Tommy, my brothers, well two of them. And Beth Ann. She’s over there, see?” Beth Ann was stretched out on her back, with one knee bent and her hand behind her head. She can really overdo it sometimes.

“Do you come here every day?” he asked.

“Well, nearly. Don’t they have a pool over where you live?” All of these towns have a community pool, and since we live in Easton, we go to the Easton pool. Alex lives in Norton.

“Oh. Yeah.”

“I think you can use a Norton pass here, if you pay twenty-five cents extra. If you wanted to come here, I mean.”

“Yeah. Well, I might someday.”

And then the whistle blew, meaning break was over, and I had to go watch Tommy or he would drown.

Carl Ray magically appeared at dinnertime again. Just as we were putting the food on the table, in he comes and sits right down in the “special” seat. I suppose he thinks that’s his seat now. As usual, he didn’t volunteer any information. In fact, he didn’t say one word until finally, after Carl Ray had had three helpings of meat loaf, three helpings of corn, and two helpings of potatoes (he would have had more, I bet, but they were all gone), Dad said, “So tell us, Carl Ray, how did the job hunting go?”

Every single one of us looked at Carl Ray, who shrugged his shoulders. We all looked back at Dad, who looked at my mom like it was her turn. She said, “Does that mean you didn’t find anything?” We all looked at Carl Ray.

He nodded. He was pretty busy stuffing food into his mouth.

Dad said, “Does that mean yes, you did not find anything?”

Carl Ray nodded again.

It was getting to be like a tennis match, with us all looking down at Carl Ray’s end of the table and then back up at Mom and Dad and then back to Carl Ray.

About this time, Maggie makes her move. “Dad, would you like me to get you another glass of water?”

Dad says, “Sure.”

Maggie says, “Anything else I can get you while I’m up?”

Dougie says, “Well, I’d like another glass…”

But Maggie just glared at him and went in the kitchen. While she was gone, Dennis starts mimicking her, saying, in this real sweet voice, “Mary Louuuuu, is there anything I can get for youuuu?” and then, of course, he starts laughing and I start laughing and my dad tells us to be quiet and watch our manners.

After dinner, I heard Dad talking to Carl Ray about where to look for a job and what to say and how to act when he went in. Carl Ray just listened. Then Dad came into the kitchen and said to Mom, “Doesn’t that boy know how to talk?”

Mom said, “Doesn’t seem so.”

“It could drive a person crazy.”

“He’s your relative.”

Dennis and I went out to play spud with Cathy and Barry Furtz. Cathy and Barry are twins and they’re Dennis’s age. They’re pretty nice, but I don’t think Mr. Furtz likes it when we play spud in the street. I bet the Furtzes are sorry they moved here. Cathy and Barry had to go in at eight o’clock to take a bath! So Dennis and I just sat on the curb awhile, throwing stones across to the other curb. Carl Ray snuck up on us the way he does. I swear, he’s a real spook sometimes. One minute it was just me and Dennis sitting on the curb, and then all of a sudden there was Carl Ray sitting next to Dennis.

Then Mr. Furtz came out with his hose to water the lawn. Last week he offered me fifty cents to do it for him, though I sure don’t know why he doesn’t pay his own kids to do it. I don’t mind, though. Anyway, sure enough, he sees us sitting there and he strolls over and says, “Feel like earning some gold?” That’s what he calls fifty cents: gold.

I said, “Sure, Mr. Furtz.”

Mr. Furtz is an okay guy. He’s sort of funny-looking, all freckly and nearly bald, but he’s not that old, I mean he’s not an old man, maybe a little younger than my dad. Mr. Furtz bought the hardware store downtown, and when Dennis and I went in there the other day, he let us poke around behind the counter because there weren’t many customers in the store.

Carl Ray is intrigued by the strangest things. While I was watering the Furtzes’ lawn, Carl Ray snuck up on me and said, “What’d you call him?”

“Who?”

“That man.”

“Mr. Furtz?”

Carl Ray said, “Furtz? How do you spell Furtz?” So I told him. “Furtz,” he said again. “Furtz.”

Weird guy, this Carl Ray.

When we all finally went inside, Maggie was getting Dad a dish of ice cream. She’s so obvious. Then she sat on the couch and watched TV with everybody. Usually she doesn’t like to do that; she’s usually off with her friends or up washing her hair or painting her fingernails or something.

Not much happened today. About the biggest news is that I took Tommy over to Beth Ann’s, and she was strutting all over because her sister Judy is going to introduce her to her boyfriend’s brother and the four of them are going to the drive-in on Friday night. Beth Ann is thirteen (well, okay, so she’s almost fourteen) years old, not much older than me. Don’t you think that’s a little young to be going to a drive-in with a boy?

Beth Ann is going to be hard to live with after this.

And Carl Ray, by the way, still did not find a job.

It rained all day.

Beth Ann called to tell me some more about Derek (that’s Judy’s boyfriend’s brother’s name). He is five feet seven inches tall, brown hair, and “gorgeous.” Beth Ann hasn’t seen him yet. That’s just what Judy says. Beth Ann must have described every single outfit in her closet, trying to decide what she should wear on Friday night.

Carl Ray, surprise, surprise, did not find a job today.

It is going to be difficult to decide who I should kill first: Maggie, Beth Ann, Dennis, or Carl Ray. To show you what I mean, pretend this is a play.

( The scene: The kitchen of a normal house. A thirteen-year-old girl [Mary Lou] is washing the lunch dishes. Her seventeen-year-old sister [Maggie] is on the telephone, which hangs on the wall in the kitchen. A four-year-old boy sits at the kitchen table, splatting his hand in some spilled milk .)

MAGGIE:( Pause .) Oh, Kenny, I’m just so happeeeeee. ( Pause .) Yes, he did! I thought he might. ( Pause .) We are still going, aren’t we? (Pause.) Kenny? ( Pause .) What do you mean, you’re “not sure”? (Pause. Pause.)

MARY LOU:Tommy, stop that!

TOMMY:No!

MAGGIE:And what is that supposed to mean? (Pause.) You invited Ellen in case? In case ? In case of what ?

MARY LOU:Tommy, stop that!

TOMMY:Noooo!

MAGGIE:Well, just un invite her then. (Pause.) Kenny? (Pause.) You’ll see what you can do? (Pause. Pause. Pause.)

MARY LOU:Tommy…

MAGGIE:Mary Lou, will you be quiet? I’m on the phone .