Lara Bergen - Runaway Hit

“Hooray, it works!” crowed Dr. Doofenshmirtz. “And now, to make some perfectly aged cheese!”

Still wearing his age-accelerating machine, Dr. D. strode back into his office and up to his big wheel of cheese. He took aim — and fired.

The cheese ripened before their eyes. “Ah, perfect!” he exclaimed, delighted, cutting off the laser. “You can actually see the pungent aroma!” He cut off a large, fragrant hunk and handed it to Perry. “Here you go, Perry the Platypus. But I’m warning you.” He wagged his finger. “Once you start, you won’t be able to stop.”

Perry eyed the cheese skeptically. He didn’t approve of the villain’s methods… but his cheese did look good.

“I’ll go get some crackers,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz told him, heading toward the kitchen. He was back in a moment, carrying a tray.

“We’re in luck,” said Dr. Doofenshmirtz happily. “I still have some leftover melba—” But he stopped abruptly and froze in midstep. His hands started to shake, and he dropped the tray of crackers.

CRASH!

“Whoa! Oh, no !” he cried. Where moments before his perfect wheel of pungent cheese had gloriously rested, there was now only an empty pedestal. “The cheese ! What happened to the stinky cheese? Perry the Platypus!” His eyes zeroed in on Perry — who looked more like a Frisbee than a platypus. “You ate all the cheese?” he wailed. “No! No! ”

Perry tried to look innocent. But there was no hiding the distinct wheel-shaped bulge in his belly. It had been fabulously irresistible cheese.

The villain looked up at the machine, which still hung heavily on his back. “I created this for peaceful, cheese-loving purposes,” he moaned, “but now you force me to wield it in anger!”

He aimed the Age-Accelerator… inator at Perry and fired away.

But even filled with cheese, Perry was too quick for him.

“Aargh!” growled the villain as he kept wildly shooting. “Perry the Platypus, hold still! Hold still so I can blast you!”

As you may have guessed, Perry would do anything but hold still.

Back at the movie theater, the young audience was whooping and cheering like crazy.

“Wow, those kids love it!” the producer said with a laugh.

“Yay!” cried Candace. “Superstardom, here I come!”

But out of nowhere, a glowing green beam passed through the roof of the theater. A moment later, the sounds from inside became decidedly different.

“Boo! Boo! ” The audience was livid!

“What’s going on in there?” exclaimed Phineas.

Followed by Ferb and Candace, Phineas ran into the theater. He threw open the heavy doors and discovered a bunch of grumpy old people!

“It’s too loud with all the rock and roll!” shouted one man.

“A waste of my time,” grumbled another.

“Where are my teeth?” an old woman asked.

And out they shuffled in a surly, white-haired mass.

The producer stepped up with a handful of questionnaires collected from the audience. “Sorry, kids, they hated it,” he said. “The movie’s dead.”

He turned and walked off, leaving Candace stunned and speechless.

“Well, at least we had fun!” said Phineas.

“Fun?” exclaimed Candace. “What about me ? I was gonna be a star !” Had she really gone through all that torture for nothing? Nothing at all?

“Don’t worry, Candace,” Phineas told her. “We saved a copy of your best scenes. We’re going to put it on our Web site right away!”

Well… thought Candace skeptically. Her brothers’ site did get a lot of hits. Maybe she could still become famous.

They headed back home, completely unaware of the real drama unfolding thirty stories above their heads.

High in his office, the evil scientist Dr. Doofenshmirtz had Perry cornered at last. After all, a walking wheel of cheese can be only so nimble.

“Yah, ha, ha !” laughed Doofenshmirtz crazily. “I have you cornered!” His gizmo was set at DANGEROUSLY HIGH and poised to shoot.

“This time I’ll hit you with everything I’ve got!” Doofenshmirtz cried. “Say good-bye, Perry the Platypus!”

He pulled the trigger, and everything went green. But it was only a second before the machine exploded, in a blast of noise and light! The room was filled with the screeching of metal being wrecked… and then everything fell eerily silent.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz peered through the smoke left by the explosion.

“Wait, wait, wait. That’s not right,” he muttered, as his ruined machine disintegrated. Then he looked down at Perry. “Oh, Perry the Platypus.” He laughed. “Just… just look at yourself! You really let yourself go.”

Sure enough, Perry appeared to have aged at least eighty years (and not gracefully, either). His fur was wrinkled. His beak was drooping. It was all he could do just to stand with the help of a cane.

Little did Dr. Doofenshmirtz know that he looked a hundred years older — and that Perry had a surprise up his wrinkled sleeve.

The platypus grabbed his chest and ripped off the sagging skin in a single, heroic movement. Underneath was good old young Perry, fit and ready to face crime head-on.

“Oh, so, you had on an Age-Accelerator-inator-proof suit, eh?” cackled Doofenshmirtz. “Well, I have a little surprise of my own!”

He grabbed his lab coat and tore it off (along with all his other clothes), just as Perry had, to reveal… an old man in droopy black socks and polka-dotted underwear! Dr. D.’s aging machine had been effective, indeed.

The old man sighed. “Well, it’s already four thirty,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, looking at his watch. He turned and scuffled off with a sigh. “I think I’m going to bed. Hmph .” He coughed mildly. “Curse you, Perry the Platypus,” he said unenthusiastically.

Back at home, Candace was getting her first look at Phineas and Ferb’s webcast masterpiece.

“Oh, boy!” said Phineas, as the title came on the computer screen: The Swamp Monster of Danville.

“This is going to be great!”

Candace watched excitedly. But her face slowly fell as everyday white shoes came stomping into view on the screen. Where were the fancy costumes?

The shoes flattened a cardboard house… then promptly squashed an unsuspecting monster.

The shot shifted to a fierce, terrifying face — one that was definitely Candace’s. No doubt whatsoever. Her eyes were wild, and her teeth were bared ferociously in rage.