Rona Jaffe - Mazes and Monsters

“Sure. I was just remembering it for a minute. You don’t have to worry. We went through a bad experience and came through the other side.”

“And you’ll never want to do it again?”

“No,” Daniel said. “Never.” He smiled at her and let the present and future flow into him, and the sick feeling went away. “My life is too full of good things now. I’m not afraid of being afraid, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh, yes,” his mother said. She looked at his father, and for the first time their faces relaxed. They smiled back at him. “Yes, we do.”

It was a beautiful morning at the end of June when Kate, Daniel, and Jay Jay drove from New York to Greenwich to visit Robbie. There were a few white puffs of clouds in the bright blue sky, and the trees were radiant with fat, green summer leaves. Grass was lush on the sides of the highway, and the air sang with all the life of a summer day: birds, insects, animals, children at play. Kate had never been happier.

She was with the people she loved, and while she was at home she had accidentally solved a problem she had thought was insurmountable. She was going to write her novel at last: she had the story she wanted to tell.

That was the greatest thing of all — her novel! Suddenly she was filled with ideas, her writer’s block gone. She would write a book about what had happened to the four of them from playing the game; their fears about life which had been conquered, the terrible thing that had happened to Robbie, and what the game had really meant. Now, at last, she had an experience to tell about, a real story. All her thoughts fell into place so easily. She would simply write about herself and her friends. She would have to reveal her feelings, for the first time — and to strangers — and that would be harder to do than anything she had ever done in her life, but she wanted to. Kate realized that the feelings she’d thought were so shameful, and were so painful, were the same as other people’s, and there was nothing wrong with them. Daniel had taught her that. A wave of such tenderness and love for him swept over her that she felt as if she were melting away.

“She’s thinking about her book again,” Daniel said. “I can always tell when her eyes get glassy.”

“You’re supposed to be watching the road, not my eyes,” Kate said.

“Am I right?” he said. “You’re thinking about your book?”

“Maybe,” she said. She laughed happily.

“I always said we’d all be famous,” Jay Jay said.

“I’ll start it next fall at school,” she said, thinking out loud. “I’ll have to hand in two thousand words a week for my creative writing course, so I can hand in pieces of my novel. If I do more than two thousand words that’s all right too. I feel like I could write the whole book in one year.”

“You had better make me sophisticated and devastatingly attractive,” Jay Jay said.

“Naturally,” Daniel said. “It’s fiction.”

“May your hair fall out when you’re twenty-five,” Jay Jay said.

“Oh, no!” Kate said. They all laughed.

“And Merlin’s going to be in it, isn’t he?” Jay Jay asked.

“Of course,” she said. She looked out the window at the landscape flashing by; suburbs deepening into country, so close to the city and yet so peaceful and different. This was possibly the most gorgeous day she had ever seen.…

“Music!” Daniel commanded. “I want music!” He had given Kate a cassette player for her car for her birthday, and it had become his favorite toy. “It’s Jay Jay’s turn to pick the tape.”

Jay Jay reached over from the backseat and snapped in the score from Spellbound. He had given Kate a dozen tapes for her birthday, and nine of them were from old movies. He had told her they were the classical music of tomorrow.

“I wish you’d play Manhattan, ” Kate said.

“You can play it when it’s your turn,” Jay Jay said.

“How about if I bribe you?”

“There is nothing I want,” Jay Jay said. “I have everything.”

“Bullshit,” Kate said. They all laughed.

“That’s a great-looking watch, Jay Jay,” Daniel said.

Jay Jay held up his wrist, displaying a dull-black steel watch with a complicated dial. “You know what this was? This was going to be the treasure when we finished the game. Actually, I bought one and hid it in the caverns, and then I bought a duplicate for me. Isn’t it great?”

“Yes,” Kate said. She felt a small pang. She would have liked to have won it. “Where’s the other one?”

“In the caverns forever,” Jay Jay said.

“And rest in peace,” said Daniel.

“Amen,” Kate and Jay Jay said.

They turned in at Robbie’s family’s driveway. There was the big white house, the fruit trees, the rose garden, and down the hill the sweep of manicured grass that ended in a vista of weeping willow trees, a pond with ducks swimming on it, and behind that dark, cool woods. It was all green and peaceful out there, the splash of wild flowers the only other touch of color against the silvery water. Kate felt more aware of colors now than she ever had before, just as her skin was more sensitive to touch and changes of temperature. It was as if, now that she knew for certain she was going to be a writer, everything had to be observed and stored away. Or perhaps it was because she had regained the energies she had given to the game.

Robbie’s mother came to the door to greet them. She looked much more rested now, and her skin had the flush of a summer tan. She smiled and drew them into her house.

“I’m so glad to see you,” she said. “Robbie will be happy too. It’s sad — his friends don’t come around anymore. People can be selfish sometimes, can’t they? Would you like some coffee? Are you hungry?”

“Coffee would be fine,” Kate said. “We just finished breakfast. Where’s Robbie?”

“He’s up on the hill behind the house,” his mother said. “It’s his favorite place. The view there is the best one we have, I think.” She poured coffee for all of them and handed them a tray with a pitcher of milk and a sugar bowl on it. They were in the kitchen now; she had herded them all in as if they were her Kindergarten class. Kate had the feeling she was going to make them finish their milk and cookies before they went out to play. I must remember that, she thought. Nice line.

“How’s Robbie doing?” Daniel asked.

“He’s gained back all the weight he lost,” his mother said. “I must say it’s a relief to look at the Robbie I remember.” She smiled. “I drink a lot of coffee. I’m a recovered alcoholic — that’s what they call it. Or ‘recover ing .’ Depends on whom you talk to. Anyway, I do drink a lot of coffee. One vice for another, you might say.” She laughed. “But I feel wonderful. I don’t know why I have this compulsion to tell you this. I’ve noticed quite a few of my friends who’ve licked the alcohol problem tend to announce it to everybody within earshot. I suppose we’re proud of it. Maybe it’s part of the process. Mea culpa … I guess you want to see Robbie.”

“We can finish our coffee,” Kate said. She didn’t understand why she felt so sorry for this woman. Robbie was back home safe and sound, his mother was sober, and yet there was a kind of pathetic, nervous loneliness about Mrs. Wheeling … The kitchen was so quiet Kate could hear the clock ticking.

“I know you’re the ones who played the game with him,” his mother said. Her tone was tense but kind. “I’m his mother, and I can guess these things. But I wanted to tell you that what happened to him wasn’t your fault. Robbie was fragile … damaged … and the game fit his needs. It wasn’t your fault.”