Дэвид Балдаччи - One Summer

“I don’t even remember my dad. He was gone right after I was born.”

“That must’ve been hard.”

“I guess it could’ve been. But my mom loves me enough for two parents,” Liam said firmly.

“I really miss my mom.”

Liam put an arm around her. “That’s completely normal, Mikki. You should miss her. She was your mom. She helped raise you. She loved you, and you loved her.”

“Pretty sensitive stuff coming from a guy.”

He smiled. “I’m a musician. It’s in our blood.”

He put his arms around her, and they kissed as the rain and wind picked up and the breakers started to roll and crash with more intensity.

Mikki said, “Your mom talked to me the other day about my dad. It made me really start to think about things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t handle things really well when my dad was sick. In fact, I pretty much screwed it up.”

“How?”

“When people are in trouble and they reach out, you can either reach out to them or pull back. I pulled back. I was a bitch to my mom. I was no help to my dad. In fact, I avoided him. I was rebellious, pushed the envelope, did all sorts of crap that made things harder for them.” Tears trickled down her cheeks. “And do you know why I did all that?”

Liam looked at her. “Because you were scared?”

She stared back. “I was terrified watching my dad die. And instead of trying to make the time he had left pleasant, I just ran the other way. I couldn’t deal with it. I didn’t want to lose him, and a part of me hated him for leaving us. For leaving me .” She let out a sob. “And it’s just killing me now that my mom died and all I can think is that I made her life miserable at the end. Just miserable .”

As she started to cry, Liam held her and then undid his cuff button and held his sleeve out for her to use as a handkerchief. When she finally stopped crying, she rubbed her eyes with his sleeve. “Thanks.”

“It’s okay, Mikki. This stuff is hard. No easy answers. It’s not like music. The notes are all there. You just play, have a good time. Families are really hard.”

“Your mom said I needed to talk to him.”

“I think she’s right. You do.”

The rain began to let up, and they made a run for the car. Liam drove her home. As she got out of the car, she said, “Thanks for a great sixteenth birthday.”

“Hey, you made it easy.”

“Right, crying on your shoulder, real easy.”

“I always thought that was part of being a friend.”

She leaned back in and kissed him. “It is. And you are.”

Jack lay on his back in the room of the lighthouse that contained the lighting machinery. His hands were greasy, he was hot and sweaty, there was dust in his throat, and he was not making much progress. He’d followed the schematic detailing of the electrical and operational guts of the machinery to the letter, but still something was off. He angled his work light into a narrow gap between two metal plates.

“Dad?”

He jerked up and hit his head on a piece of metal. Rubbing the injured spot, he pulled himself out from the confined space and looked over at the opening to the area below. Mikki, her hair plastered back on her head, was staring back up at him.

“Mik, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Dad.”

He scrutinized her. “You’re wet.”

“It’s raining.”

He looked out the window. “Oh. I guess I came out here before it started.”

“Can I come up?”

He gave her a hand and pulled her into the small space.

As she drew closer, he said, “It looks like you’ve been crying. Liam didn’t—”

“No, Dad. It has nothing to do with him. Liam was great. We had an awesome date. I... I really like him. A lot.”

Jack relaxed. “Okay, but then why...?”

She took her dad’s hand and drew him over to a narrow ledge that ran the length of the room under the window. They sat.

“We need to talk.”

“What about?” he said warily.

“What happened with Mom, you, me. Everything, basically.”

“Now?”

“I think so, yeah.”

Jack wiped his hands with a rag and tossed it down.

“Look, I know you guys think it’s crazy what I’m doing out here. And hell, maybe it is.”

She put a hand on his arm to forestall him. “No, Dad, I don’t think it’s crazy.” She paused. “Jenna talked to me about some things.”

“What things?” Jack said abruptly.

“Like how you’ve basically been through hell and we all need to cut you some slack and that everybody grieves in their own way.”

“Oh.” Jack looked over at the lighting apparatus and then back at her. “I’m trying to get through this, Mikki; I really am. It’s just not easy. Some days I feel okay; some days I feel completely lost.”

Mikki’s face crumpled, and she began to sob as she poured her heart out. “Dad, I was just so scared when you were sick. I didn’t know how to handle it. So I just thought if I ran away from it all, I wouldn’t have to deal with it. It was selfish. I’m so sorry.”

He put his arm around her heaving shoulders and let her cry. When she was done, he handed her a clean rag to wipe her eyes.

“Mikki, you are one smart kid, but you’re also only sixteen. You’re not supposed to have all the answers. I’m thirty-five and I don’t have all the answers either. I think people need to cut you some slack too.”

“But I still should have known,” she said, another sob hiccuping out of her.

He stroked her hair. “Let me tell you something. When my dad was dying, I did pretty much the same thing. At first I was sad, and then I was scared. I would go to bed at night scared and wake up scared. I would see him walking around in his pajamas in the middle of the day. He was just waiting to die. No hope. And this was a big strong guy I’d always looked up to. And now he was all weak and helpless. And I didn’t want to remember my dad like that. So I just pushed everything inside. And I tuned everyone out. Even him. I was selfish too. I was a coward. Maybe that’s why I went into the military. To prove that I actually had some courage.”

She looked at him with wide, dry eyes. “You did, honest?”

“Yeah.”

“Life really sucks sometimes,” Mikki said, as she sat back and wiped her nose.

“Yeah, sometimes it really does. But then sometimes it’s wonderful and you forget all about the bad stuff.”

She looked down, nervously twisting her fingers.

“Mik, is there something else you need to tell me?”

“Will you promise not to get mad?”

Jack sighed. “Is that a condition of you telling me?”

“I guess not, but I was only hoping.”

“You can tell me anything.”

She turned to face him and drew a long breath. “I was the one who talked to that gossip paper.”

Jack gaped at her. “You?”

Fresh tears spilled down Mikki’s cheeks. “I know it was so stupid. And it got completely out of hand. Most of the junk he wrote he just made up.”

“But how did you know about any of it?”

“I overheard you and Mom talking the night she died. And I saw what that jerk Bill Miller did.”

“But why would you talk to a tabloid? You know what those papers do. It made your mom look...”

“I know. I’m so sorry, Dad. It was so totally stupid. I... I don’t know why I did it. I was confused and angry. And I know you probably hate me. And I don’t blame you. I hate myself for doing it.” All of this came out in a rush that left her so out of breath she nearly gagged.

Jack put his arms around her and drew her to him. “Just calm down. It doesn’t matter anymore. You messed up. And you admitted to it. That took a lot of courage.”