Дэвид Балдаччи - One Summer

Mikki gave her a quick hug. “Thanks. You’re a lifesaver. So when do you think you’ll talk to him?”

“I think I know where to find him at the right time.”

At a little past midnight, Jack stood on the catwalk of the lighthouse, staring out at a clear sky. After his conversation with Mikki and the disappointment so evident on her face, he had really tried to not come out here, but something made his legs move, and here he was.

He’d worked all day with Sammy on Anne Bethune’s project, which had also given him time to see her camp. He had to admit that Jackie and Cory were having a wonderful time, and they were learning things too. Anne had an instructor who took the kids down to the water and showed them about marine life and other science subjects appropriate for younger kids. Cory was in his element with painting and acting out scenes that he had written in a performance art workshop the camp also offered. It was exactly the sort of experience Jack had hoped for when they came down here for the summer. However, Jack was trying not to focus on the fact that he wasn’t an integral part of that experience, that it was being done through what amounted to surrogates.

If I can just finish the lighthouse.

He walked back inside the structure and gazed down at the new stairs. He’d just driven in the last nail a few minutes ago. Work still needed to be done on them, mostly finishing items, but they were safe to walk on and would last a long time. He planned to start disassembling the scaffolding tomorrow night and return it to the hardware store. He picked up Lizzie’s doll and went back out on the catwalk. Sweaty from all the hard work in the confines of the lighthouse, he took off his shirt and let the cool breeze flow over him.

He looked at the doll and then gazed up at the sky. Heaven was somewhere up there. He’d been thinking about where a precocious little girl would have thought it was located. He looked at discrete grids of the sky, much like he’d compartmentalized and studied the desert in the Middle East when he was fighting in a war there. Which spot was most likely to hold an IED or a sniper?

Only now he was looking for angels and saints.

And Lizzie.

He set the doll down and took the letter from his shirt pocket. Now that he’d finished the stairs, he told himself it was time to read the next one. The envelope had the number four written on it. He slipped the letter out. It was dated December twenty-first. He leaned against the railing and read it.

Dear Lizzie,

Christmas is almost here, and I promise that I will make it. It will be a great day. Seeing the kids’ faces when they open their presents will be better for me than all the medications in the world. I know this has been hard on everyone, especially you and the kids. But I know that your mom and dad have really been a tremendous help to you. I’ve never gotten to know them as well as I would have liked. Sometimes I feel that your mom thinks you might have married someone better suited to you, more successful. But I know deep down that she cares about me, and I know she loves you and the kids with all her heart. It is a blessing to have someone like that to support you. My father died, as you know, when I was still just a kid. And you know about my mom. But your parents have always been there for me, especially Bonnie, and in many ways, I see her as more of a mom to me than my own mother. It’s action, not words, that really counts. That’s what it really means to love someone. Please tell them that I always had the greatest respect for her and Fred. They are good people. And I hope that one day she will feel that I was a good father who tried to do the right thing. And that maybe I was worthy of you.

Love,

“Am I interrupting something?”

Jack turned to see Jenna standing there on the catwalk, a bottle of wine and two glasses in hand. She saw the letter in his hand but said nothing as he thrust it in his jeans pocket and quickly pulled his shirt on, his fingers struggling to button it up as fast as possible.

“What are you doing here?” he said a little harshly.

She took a step back. “I’m sorry if I snuck up on you.”

“Well, you did.”

“Look, I’ll just leave.”

She turned to go when he said, “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just wasn’t expecting anyone.”

She smiled. “I wonder why? It’s after midnight and you’re standing on your own property at the top of a lighthouse. I would’ve thought there’d have been hundreds of people through here by now.”

His anger faded, and a grin crept across Jack’s face. “Dozens maybe, but not hundreds.” He eyed the wine. “Coming from a party?”

She looked around and set the glasses on an old crate while she uncorked the wine. “No, hoping I was coming to one.”

“What?”

She poured out the wine and handed him a glass, then clinked hers against his. “Cheers.” She took a sip and let it go down slowly as she gazed out over the broad view. “God, it’s beautiful up here.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“So you finished the stairs, I see.”

“Still need to do some work, but the heavy lifting’s done.”

“I guess you’re wondering what the heck I’m doing here?”

“Honestly? Yeah, I am.”

She told him about Liam and Mikki entering the talent competition but withheld the reason why.

“Hey, that’s great. I bet they have a good chance to win.”

“They do, actually. I’m no expert, but I’d pay money to hear them.”

Jack swallowed some of his wine. “But why didn’t Mikki just come and tell me?”

“I’m not really sure. She asked me to, and I agreed. Maybe you should ask her.”

Jack slowly nodded. “I know I’ve gotten my priorities screwed up.”

“Well, realizing the problem is a good first step to fixing it. And like you said, you fix things.”

“Yeah, well, lighthouses are easier than relationships.”

“I would imagine anything is easier than that. But that doesn’t mean you can ignore it.”

“I’m starting to see that.”

“I know what you told me before, but why is this so important to you, Jack?”

He put his wineglass down. “This feels like the place I can be closest to her,” he said slowly. He glanced over to find Jenna staring at him with a concerned expression. “Look, I’m not losing touch with reality.”

“I didn’t think you were,” she said quickly.

“But it’s still crazy, right?”

“If you feel it, it’s not crazy, Jack. You’ve been through a lot.”

“The Miracle Man,” he said softly.

Jenna gazed at him but said nothing, waiting for him to speak.

“I wasn’t supposed to be here, Jenna. I mean living. I was just hanging on ’til Christmas, for the kids. For Lizzie.”

She touched his shoulder. “I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t owe me an explanation about anything.”

“No, it’s okay. I need to get this out.” He paused, drawing a long breath, seeming to marshal his thoughts. “I spent half our marriage in the army, most of it away from home.” He stopped, glanced at the dark sky. “I was crazy in love with my wife. I mean, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder? I could be in the next room and miss Lizzie, much less halfway around the world.”

A tear trickled from Jack’s right eye, and Jenna’s mouth quivered. She swallowed with difficulty.

“I always saw Lizzie and me as one person whose halves got separated somehow, but they found each other again. That’s how lucky I was.”

Jenna said quietly, “Most people never have that, Jack. You were truly blessed.”