Kathryn Ross - A Marriage On Paper

‘I am competent and efficient,’ Alicia said heatedly.

‘Of course you are.’ Dex was soothing now. ‘Look, let’s just forget this. We’ve got more important things to think about.’

‘Yes…you’re right,’ she agreed.

There was silence as he parked the car.

Romanio’s was on the seafront. A delightful restaurant, open to the tropical heat of the night, where candlelight flickered invitingly on the tables.

A waiter showed them to a quiet table in the corner and left them to peruse the menu. Alicia could hear the sound of the sea as it broke against the shore. The night was very still, only the small fan whirring above them on the ceiling broke the heavy feeling in the air.

‘Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?’ Dex asked suddenly.

She looked across at him and met his eyes. ‘Thank you.’ She smiled, feeling shy. She was wearing a pale pink summer dress. It had a round neck and a long skirt. It was feminine and pretty, but she knew she didn’t look beautiful.

‘How are you feeling?’

She smiled. ‘Surprisingly well.’

He shook his head. ‘I was thinking about you when I got into bed last night.’

‘Oh?’ Her eyes lit with amusement. ‘Sounds a bit X-certificate. Are you sure you should be telling me this?’

‘No, actually, I’m not.’ He grinned. ‘I kept thinking, I’ll have to go easy on Alicia, not put so much work on her shoulders. Then today…what do I do? I pile more than ever on to your desk.’

Alicia laughed at that. ‘I’m not ill, Dex.’

‘Even so, you must tell me if you can’t manage. I can always get a temp in. It’s the worst possible time, of course, to make changes in the office, but I don’t want you feeling under pressure.’

‘Dex.’ She leaned further forward. ‘Watch my lips. I feel perfectly fine.’

‘No morning sickness?’

She shook her head.

‘No weird cravings?’

She hesitated, and her lips curved in a teasing smile. ‘Nothing I want to admit to in a public place.’

He laughed at that. ‘And by the way.’ He leaned forward the way she had a moment ago. ‘I like watching your lips,’ he told her softly. ‘They are extremely tempting, kissable lips.’

‘It’s talk like that that got us into this predicament in the first place,’ she joked, yet she felt the heat of longing steal through her at his words, at the look in his eyes.

The waiter came to take their order.

‘As I recall you brought me to this restaurant on our first real date,’ Alicia remarked when they were left alone again.

‘By “real date” I suppose you mean the first time I’d got my nerve up to make a pass at you.’ Amusement glinted in the darkness of Dex’s eyes for a moment.

‘Who are you trying to kid?’ Alicia smiled. ‘You didn’t need to get up any nerve. You were always a very confident Romeo, Dexter Rowland. I know I had to field a lot of your girlfriends in my first six months of working for you. What was it you used to tell me to say? “Sorry, he’s away at a conference,” Or the other favourite line, “He’s in a meeting.”’

‘Ouch!’ Dex grinned. ‘But I was nervous about asking you out, Alicia. We’d always been good friends and I was frightened to spoil that.’

‘I know what you mean.’ Alicia thought back. ‘Do you remember when we both worked at MacDales? You always used to say that one day you would leave and start up your own business. We’d loiter over lunch while you dreamed up wild plans for your future, usually culminating in you being worth a fortune before the age of forty.’

‘Couldn’t I plan anything more original than that?’ Dex smiled.

‘You were the most ambitious man I’d ever met.’

‘You were the most beautiful secretary I’d ever met. I used to envy old Jim MacDale having you floating around his office.’

‘No, you didn’t. You hardly noticed me back then.’

‘So how come I came back to get you once my business was off the ground?’ he enquired softly.

‘At the time you gave me a lot of convincing spiel about it being good business sense.’ She grinned. ‘And I knew the work, I was good on computers.’

‘Well, there was that,’ he acknowledged with a wry smile. ‘But it has worked. We’ve been good together.’

‘Yes, I suppose we have,’ she acknowledged softly.

‘So how about making it permanent?’ he asked quietly. ‘I meant what I said to you last night. Marry me, Alli.’

Her heart bounced crazily against her chest. ‘I know I’m a good secretary, Dex, but you don’t need to go to these lengths.’ She tried desperately to hide how vulnerable she was behind a screen of light-hearted humour.

‘I think I do.’ He was very serious.

She was saved from having to make a reply to that by the waiter bringing their meals.

‘What do you say?’ he prompted her as soon as they were left alone again.

She wrestled with her conscience. She wanted so much to just say yes, but the easy option, the one you wanted with all your heart, wasn’t always the right one. ‘You’ve always maintained that marriage wasn’t an option for you…or if it was it would be when you’re old and grey and settled in your ways.’

‘I’ve changed the plan,’ he said wryly.

‘For all the wrong reasons.’ She toyed with the food in front of her. ‘Unlike you, I’ve had a few weeks to think about this situation, Dex. And, yes, I know we’re good together—’

‘Wildly good,’ he interrupted her, a gleam in his eyes.

She smiled, a tremulous half-smile, as she tried to keep her mind clear. ‘Wildly good.’ She nodded. ‘But it’s not enough. I meant it when I said last night that you can’t build a marriage without love, and I want everything,’ she murmured sardonically. ‘Including the band and the crash of cymbals.’

‘I’ll get down on one knee if you want me to?’

She looked across and met the humour in his expression with a wry smile. ‘In my condition that could be dangerous.’

He raised one eyebrow.

‘I could fall off the chair in shock.’

‘You’ve got a warped sense of humour, Alli.’ He grinned, then reached into his shirt pocket and brought out a small blue velvet box. ‘Maybe this will help.’

She looked at him questioningly.

‘Aren’t you going to open it?’

She reached to pick it up. Inside there was a large solitaire diamond, square-cut, exquisite. It took her breath away.

‘The jeweller said that if it doesn’t fit you can bring it in and he’ll adjust it.’

‘It’s beautiful, Dex. When did you get it?’

‘What do you think I was doing today in my lunch-hour?’ he asked with a raised eyebrow. ‘You don’t think I have time to eat, do you?’

She smiled and closed the box. ‘It’s a beautiful ring. Thank you, Dex. It’s a lovely gesture.’ Somehow she kept her voice steady.

He frowned. ‘It’s not a gesture. It’s a proposal—a sincere, serious proposal.’

‘But not as sincere as when you proposed once before, to…what was her name? Clare?’ For a second she lost control of her voice and it trembled.

His features darkened. ‘That was a long time ago. I was another person back then.’

‘You were in love; you still remember what it feels like.’

‘I remember the pain of losing her.’ He spoke bluntly. ‘I remember not being in control of my emotions for a long time after her death. If that’s what love does to you…’ He shook his head. ‘I never want to feel that loss again.’

It was the first time he had ever spoken so openly about that period of his life. Alicia felt the rawness in his words, saw it in his eyes. It shocked her. It made her look at him differently. She’d thought she knew him so well…he was the strong businessman, always in control, realistic. But was he that hard-headed? Was this man, who was always so measured when it came to talking about his emotions, simply frightened of letting go…scared of risking love again?