Kathryn Ross - A Marriage On Paper

Victoria pulled a face. ‘It would be a better help if you knew how to do these formulas.’

‘I’ll have a look, but maths isn’t really my subject.’ Alicia went over to the fridge. The cool air that hit her when she opened the door was a relief. She felt like leaving it open and pulling their chairs over to sit in the open doorway.

The apartment was far too small for the two of them. There were two tiny bedrooms, with a bathroom between, and then this kitchen-cum-living room. That was it, but it was all Alicia could afford. She was supporting Victoria through school, and that took all her extra cash.

She glanced over at her sister as she threw her pencil down on the kitchen table. ‘This is impossible,’ she groaned, raking a hand through her long blonde hair in frustration.

‘It can’t be that difficult.’ Alicia poured their drinks and went to sit next to her. Although there were only three years between them, Alicia acted more like a mother towards Vicky than a sister. It had been that way since Alicia was just nine years of age and their parents had died in a car crash.

From that first night when they had found themselves at Albany House Orphanage she had felt protective and responsible. She had been the one to comfort Vicky, had remained strong and put on a brave face. It had been a first lesson on how to hide her feelings. Thinking about someone else meant you didn’t have to concentrate on your own feelings of grief, your own fears. In a way it had helped ease the pain of loss. It had certainly made her grow up quickly.

When Alicia had been old enough to leave Albany House she had taken Vicky with her. Now they were quite happy here in this apartment…usually, anyway, when the air-conditioning was working and Alicia didn’t feel quite so nauseous.

They struggled on together with the maths project. It was difficult, and they were both so absorbed in it that Alicia didn’t notice how late it was getting. It was almost nine when Dex finally arrived at their door.

‘Hi, sorry I’m late.’ He reached to kiss her cheek.

‘Are you?’ She glanced at her watch and her eyebrows rose, but she said nothing.

‘God, it’s hot in here! What have you done to the air-conditioning?’ Dex strolled over to the control box on the wall.

‘Nothing. It just won’t work.’ Alicia watched as he opened it up, studied the timing on it, turned a few buttons and snapped it down again.

Cold air gushed from the vents instantly. ‘Your sister is hopeless when it comes to anything mechanical.’ He grinned over at Vicky in a conspiratorial kind of way.

Vicky smiled back at him. ‘Thanks, Dex. You don’t know anything about formulas, do you?’

‘Let’s have a look.’ Dex sat down next to her and pulled the books closer so he could read them.

‘That air system is damn well temperamental,’ Alicia defended herself swiftly. She felt suddenly helpless. Why did Dex make her feel like that…as if her life wouldn’t run smoothly without him? She didn’t like the feeling. She had always been independent, needed no one…until she had met him.

‘This one isn’t right.’ Dex pulled a pen through a line of figures. ‘Look, there’s a very simple way to do this.’ He proceeded to do in five minutes what had taken them half an hour.

Alicia wrinkled her nose. ‘Coffee, Dex?’

‘Thanks, that would be good,’ he murmured without looking up.

‘Not for me, Alli,’ Vicky said swiftly. ‘I’m going to have a shower and an early night. I’m shattered.’

Alicia made the coffee, half listening as Dex very gently and patiently explained to Vicky where she had gone wrong with her work. She’d have to tell him about the baby tonight, she told herself forcefully. As soon as Vicky had gone for her shower she would break the news.

She handed Dex his coffee, then sat down next to Vicky, watching as she finished off her work.

Dex glanced across at her. She looked tired, he thought. He’d have to stop putting so much work on her. Sometimes he relied on her too heavily in the office. She was just so efficient, the best secretary he had ever had. He’d have to tread warily; he didn’t want to lose her.

He looked from Victoria to Alicia. In some ways they were so alike. Same delicate features, same long, naturally blonde hair. Both wearing shorts and T-shirts. Alicia didn’t look much older than Vicky…and Vicky was just a kid really.

‘How’s that?’ Vicky slid the book over towards Dex and he looked at it.

‘It’s exactly right. You’re brilliant,’ he enthused.

‘No, you’re brilliant,’ Vicky told him with enthusiastic emphasis. ‘I don’t know how Alli and I would manage without you.’

He shook his head. ‘You’d manage,’ he said quietly.

Something about the way he said those words made Alicia’s heart squeeze painfully. Maybe they would have to after she’d told him her news. The thing was that Dex didn’t love her. This was just an affair. It was wild, exciting, passionate…but it wasn’t serious. He had made it clear on several occasions that he didn’t intend to settle down and get married. Once he had said that if he did it would be when he was much older, when everything in his life was running smoothly.

‘You mean when you’ve got your pipe and slippers you’ll get a wife to match?’ she had retorted, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

He had laughed. ‘Something like that.’

‘Have you ever been serious about any of your girlfriends, Dex?’ she had asked suddenly.

His expression had changed. ‘I was engaged once…years ago.’

‘She must have been very special.’

‘She was.’ For a moment he’d been quiet, as if far away. ‘Clare and I were childhood sweethearts. We were the same age, grew up together, graduated from university together. I knew from a very young age that one day I would ask her to be my wife.’

Alicia remembered feeling hurt for a while. It was all right Dex telling her he didn’t want to get serious; she could accept that. She enjoyed their relationship, loved being with him. She was happy with the way things were—after all, she had Vicky to think about. But finding out that Dex had been in love once, had asked that woman to marry him, had made her feel disconsolate, made her wish that she could stir up such powerful emotions within him.

‘So what happened? Why didn’t you marry her?’

‘She died in a car crash on her twenty-third birthday. The morning we were to be married.’

The words had been simply said, with little emotion, yet the expression for one unguarded moment in the darkness of his eyes had been one Alicia would never forget. Her momentary pang of jealousy had melted into compassion. She knew what it was like to lose someone you loved.

‘These days I want to put all my commitment into my business,’ Dex had continued rapidly, as if speaking about work helped to chase the emotional shadows away from his mind. ‘Push my career to the limits, and play the stakes to the highest possible levels. If I had a wife and responsibilities I couldn’t take those kind of risks.’

She had gone along with him. ‘I can understand that. I don’t want to get married either. I’m twenty, Dex…I want a career and travel, success and excitement…’

She had meant those words at the time, but they echoed mockingly in her mind now.

Vicky cleared away all her books as if she was beating the clock, dumped them in her bag and headed for her room. ‘I’m just going to make a phone call,’ she muttered over her shoulder to Alicia.

Alicia looked across at Dex. He was still wearing the suit he had worn to the office today, she noted. Had he come straight from his meeting with Maddie? If so it had been a hell of a long meeting.