Chloe Seager - Friendship Fails of Emma Nash

When I first got there it was much the same as last time. We played board games and I continued to let her win. We made small talk. I was just starting to despair that we’d ever be properly at ease with each other alone, and wondering if that magical moment of closeness on Bonfire Night was just a one-off that had disappeared into thin air… When suddenly… it was like we sort of…reverted to our twelve-year-old selves.

We started flipping through some magazines and Gracie said, ‘Do you think I have weak eyebrows?’

I snorted.

‘Why, do some other eyebrows want to take it outside?’

She pointed at a picture of Cara Delevingne.

‘I’ll never look like her. My eyebrows are so wispy,’ she sighed.

‘Well…no,’ I said, ‘but it’s not really the eyebrows. It’s more like your other features and hair and skin tone and everything else about you.’

‘Draw me some eyebrows!’ she said, all keen.

So I drew some eyebrows on her. Then she drew some eyebrows on me.

We looked ridiculous .

‘What do you think?’ Gracie asked.

‘I think they look like two giant slugs trying to eat the rest of your face.’

Then we started drawing beauty moles on each other and did our hair all big and ending up taking pictures of ourselves in our underwear, pouting and pretending to be Victoria’s Secret models. As you do. Then we realized we look absolutely nothing like Victoria’s Secret models and so put the whole ugly incident behind us. But until that point it was really, really fun. I’ve not had that kind of pure, unadulterated sort of fun where time disappears and you’re just doing really pointless, silly things in…well…I can’t actually remember.

It was sort of like we both sensed we needed to go back in time to before we discovered alcohol, before body hang-ups, before boys and hormones and confusing feelings and just be Emma and Gracie. Emma and Gracie before all those things started getting in the way. It was kind of like…I don’t know, like we were redoing our entire friendship from the beginning.

When I came back in, Mum said, ‘Did you have a good time?’

‘I did, actually,’ I said.

She looked all smug and annoying. So I reminded her of the message from the ‘doctor’ she got all excited about earlier, who turned out in fact to be not a doctor but a self-professed ‘lurve doctor’.

Anyway, I feel sort of…giddy?! It’s like I’ve made a new friend, even though we’ve technically been friends for years.

Sunday, 9 November

posted by EditingEmma 21.14

Does Being A Good Friend Sometimes Mean Being a Bad Friend?

So Steph came over this evening… And I lied to her.

I’ve NEVER lied to Steph. Ever. I mean, there was that time she wore flares and I told her they looked good, when flares categorically cannot look anything but disgusting. But I’ve never properly lied to her.

We were just lazing around discussing what hairstyle Steph should try next (Steph and her sister are constantly changing their hair – at the moment she’s going natural Afro) when she suddenly said, ‘So, what were you and Gracie being so secretive about the other day?’

My brain froze. ‘Um…’

I couldn’t tell her we were only being secretive because we were talking about Gracie’s brother, and Steph is dating Gracie’s brother.

‘No we weren’t. When do you mean?’ I said, unconvincingly.

I really wanted to tell her what we’d actually been saying, but then I remembered my promise to Gracie and her pleading eyes.

‘Never mind.’ Steph shrugged.

Ughhhhh. What do you do when something that means being a good friend to one person, means potentially being a bad friend to another? Obviously I share everything with Steph and I don’t want to keep stuff from her, but this isn’t my thing to share.

It was hard, but I comforted myself with the fact that earlier on I bought her the best birthday present EVER. I got us tickets to the Women’s Premier League. I mean, I’ll probably have to stick pins in my arm to try to stay awake, but she’ll LOVE it. I can’t wait to see the look on her face when I give them to her.

posted by EditingEmma 22.04

The New Friend Plan: Step 2

Before Steph left, she said, ‘How are your resolutions going, by the way?’

‘Ah.’ I tapped my nose. ‘Funny you should mention. Only a few hours ago, I set the wheels of a brand new beautiful and everlasting friendship in motion. Just in time for the new term.’

All this week, I’d sort of been considering putting the friend mission to one side, seeing how well things are going with Gracie. But then I remembered how exposed I felt without Steph and Faith…just for a few days. A few days . What about when Gracie isn’t available, too? What about when it’s for longer periods of time?! I feel like relying solely on three people probably isn’t that different than two.

Plus, given that Steph and Faith are both in new relationships, and Gracie’s been making lots of new friends at her Cambridge prep study group, it seems like everyone else has their own stuff going on. And, well, I don’t.

Now that everyone’s adding more things and more people to their lives, I think I need to as well. Steph, Faith and Gracie are sewn so deeply through the fabric of my life that I don’t even know who I am when I’m not in the context of them. I’m slightly petrified, but I think it’s probably time I try to find out.

So, for now, I’ve decided put the Anika thing down to pure naivety. A youthful indiscretion, if you will. But now I know… if you want to be friends with someone, maybe don’t start off too intense.

Which is why it seemed sensible to choose this next person on my list. Hannah Condom. I don’t need to do tons of research to get chatting to Hannah – her surname is all the conversation starter I will ever need! Step two of the New Friend Plan is a go.

Emma Nash:Hi Hannah, I just wanted to say I’ve never truly appreciated before that your last name is Condom! What lolz. I wish I had a surname like that. And you’ll never forget to use one! X

That should do it. I bet we’ll be BFFs by the end of the week.

Monday, 10 November

posted by EditingEmma 08.32

Back To School

Deep joy.

posted by EditingEmma 13.15

I Will Never Be Friends With Hannah Condom

Oh my God. Something horrific has happened. And it’s only my first day back at college. And it’s not even lunchtime. I kid you not, actually horrific.

I was just getting a drink at the fountain when Steph came over to me.

‘Emma,’ she said. ‘Why is it going round school that you’re cyber-bullying Hannah Condom?’

I spat water all down my top.

‘WHAT?!’

‘Apparently you made fun of her surname?’

‘Oh my God.’ I put my head in my hands. ‘I wasn’t making fun of it. I said I liked it!!’

Steph smirked. ‘You like the name Condom?’

‘Yes!! It’s hilarious!’

‘Hilariously awful.’

‘It’s whimsical!’

Steph’s smirk became a grin.

‘Oh God. You believe me, don’t you?’ I said desperately. ‘I was being sincere!’

‘ I believe you,’ she said. ‘Because I know you’re a total weirdo. But I don’t think anyone else will.’

Just then, I saw a bunch of girls heading my way. Hannah Condom’s friends.

Oh God.

They all started whispering in a huddle, then marched over to me.

‘Hey, what did you say to Hannah?’ one of them said.