Mingmei Yip - Memoirs of a Courtesan

It was not exactly right to say that I had no feelings, although it had been my training to stifle them. However, as I was not supposed to have feelings for people, I’d secretly developed them for my singing. I wondered if my boss, Big Brother Wang, understood the irony: if I was trained not to feel, how could I become a great singer? Maybe he didn’t think that far, or maybe he thought this was just life’s inevitable dilemma. Or maybe my vigorous training had enabled me to perform anything, like a magician; from putting great feelings into my singing to hurting people without a twinge of guilt.

For four years I worked as a singer at Bright Moon Nightclub while secretly being trained to become a spy. Then, the summer I turned eighteen, I won the coveted title of Heavenly Songbird from the Recording Songstress Contest organised by the Big Evening News, a newspaper secretly sponsored by the Red Demons gang. Madame Lewinsky had thrown me a big celebration party and flooded me with gifts – chocolates, cake, clothes, small jewellery, sweet little somethings.

Privileges soon followed. I was assigned to sing solo and given my own apartment. I had more good luck in that Lung, though an extremely mistrustful person, never suspected my real standing. My background as an orphan was just too plain to arouse any doubt.

Then, one night, I was sitting inside my private dressing room, scrutinising my illusory self in the big gilded mirror. Standing beside me was Old Aunt, whose job was to do my make-up and hair.

Old Aunt was now putting her finishing touches on my melon-seed-shaped face. ‘Miss Camilla, if you were not a performer, you would not need make-up. You must have heard the saying, “I lament using make-up that only mars my natural beauty.”’

‘I never thought about it one way or the other. I only do what I’m supposed to.’

She nodded at me knowingly, then pinned a flower above my right ear to complete my Heavenly Songbird look. ‘Miss Camilla, you look perfect. Now go out to charm Shanghai.’

‘Thank you, Old Aunt.’

I stood up and cast a last glance at the mirror. Tonight I was dressed in a turquoise body-hugging cheongsam with high slits up the sides. On the front were embroidered pale golden camellias, enhanced by matching elbow-length gloves and dangling gold earrings. During my training, I was constantly told, ‘People respect your clothes before they respect you.’ And, ‘Women need beautiful clothes like the Buddha needs golden robes.’ The message is obvious: if you want to be accepted into high society, dress like a high-society lady. If you want respect, dress elegantly. If you want to lure a huge following, dress in gold.

But the main reason I dressed my best was to lure Master Lung to keep visiting my bed so I could fulfil my mission: learning all his secrets, then eliminating him.

I took a deep breath, smoothed my facial muscles, thrust out my chest and pranced onto the stage in my shredded-golden-lotus steps. The sensuous silk rubbed against my thighs as the cool air caressed my alternately hidden and exposed legs.

As soon as the audience spotted me, thunderous cheers flooded the packed hall. I took my place at centre stage, under a banner emblazoned with big gold characters against a crimson background: Bright Moon Celebrates Heavenly Songbird Camilla’s Performance.

My eyes scanned the audience until they landed on a scrawny man in front with a crew-cut head and a monkey face – Master Lung. For the last few weeks, Lung had been coming here regularly to watch my performances, always accompanied by his underlings and a slew of bodyguards. Because of his infamous reputation, he and his entourage were constantly fussed over by nervous waiters and the fawning manager.

Lung alternated between chugging down expensive wine and twiddling a fat cigar in his bony fingers as he stuck it between his thin lips. While his fingers and lips were engaged in these suicidal activities, his eyes molested me unrelentingly. To my satisfaction, I saw him rhythmically strike his fist against his thigh, showing how excited he was by me.

But something was different tonight, and at first I could not place what it was.

I decided to make this audience wait while I took time to study them. The usual crew: successful businessmen, influential politicians, high government officials, black-society members. Also poets, artists, writers, a few professors: all no doubt the indulged sons of rich families. And the women with them: older ones who were obviously wives, younger ones who were just as obviously concubines, mistresses, courtesans or just prostitutes hired for the evening. But not everyone was what he or she seemed. A bomb-carrying revolutionary or two might be concealed in the crowd of revellers.

High-end nightclubs were miniatures of the greater Shanghai. I knew well that the expensive attire, polite speech and elegant manners were but tools to hide the itch for blood and money. As if oblivious of the tension in the air, white-shirted and black-suited waiters busied themselves topping up wine glasses, warming teapots, proffering hot towels, extending trays laden with cigarettes and depositing a variety of respect dishes – complimentary snacks.

Every evening I began with ‘Night-time Shanghai,’ a syrupy tune favoured by the rich and decadent. The small orchestra – consisting of a pianist, violinist, drummer and trumpet, trombone and double bass players – watched me, ready to strike the first note.

I always held a prop – an embroidered handkerchief, a painted fan or simply my long, red-nailed fingers imitating an orchid swaying in a gentle breeze. Tonight the prop was a golden fan adorned by a red camellia, a gift from Master Lung. Holding the fan to hide my lips, I meditated a bit more, then dropped the fan to breathe out my first note, trying to make it as tender as a baby’s breath.

Night-time Shanghai, night-time Shanghai,

A city of sleepless nights,

Lights dazzling, cars hustling,

Crooning songs and flirtatious dances filling up the night …

I half closed my eyes to let the tune, the dreamy air and the audience’s hushed attention wrap around me like a silk cocoon. I didn’t know what I was thinking, if anything. But I did feel, maybe a little nostalgic, even melancholy. About what, I had no notion.

I continued to croon as I swayed my waist in synchronicity with my fan, on which the painted flower seemed to be shyly nodding in approval.

They only see my smiling face

But will never guess my heart’s pain.

Singing for my living,

Intoxicated not by wine but by this lush nightlife.

My years are spent in dissipation.

When someday I finally awaken,

I will still love Shanghai at night.

I could identify with the sentiments of the song. But had I been spending my life in debauchery? Did I still love Shanghai at night? Thinking, I let the last note end its decadent incarnation in the air.

The audience, as if awakened from a dormant past life, burst into thunderous applause.

‘Wonderful!’

‘What a heavenly voice!’

‘Wah, melts my ear wax!’

Again, my eyes made their obligatory rounds, right, left, middle, back. But then they stopped at a new face among a group of richly attired, refined-looking young men. He looked shy, seemingly ill at ease, as if he had been raised in a different environment and was thrust into a nightclub for the first time. Since the people with whom I had grown up all lived by cunning and cruelty, innocence always surprised me.

I threw this youth a nonchalant glance, bowed deeply, then threw the fan in his direction before sashaying backstage in my golden stiletto heels.

Ten minutes later, after the crowd had quieted down, I left my dressing room and headed straight to Lung’s table under the audience’s intense scrutiny. Because of my popularity, I was usually expected to make my rounds, stopping at different tables and pleasing the patrons by making sexy small talk. But for the past few weeks, I could sit only with Lung. Once the other men realised I was Lung’s favourite and might be his concubine someday, they quietly backed away. Because Lung or his thugs would not hesitate to strangle anyone – not only men but even a crippled oldster, a pregnant woman or a newborn baby.