Amy Morin - 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

HarperThorsons

An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published in US by William Morrow, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers 2015 This UK edition published by HarperThorsons 2015

Designed by Jamie Lynn Kerner

© Amy Morin 2015

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

While every effort has been made to trace the owners of copyright material reproduced herein and secure permissions, the publishers would like to apologise for any omissions and will be pleased to incorporate missing acknowledgements in any future edition of this book.

Amy Morin asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

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Source ISBN: 9780008105938

Ebook Edition © 2014 ISBN: 9780008105945

Version: 2014-12-15

To all who strive to become better today than they were yesterday

Cover

Title Page

Copyright Copyright HarperThorsons An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF www.harpercollins.co.uk First published in US by William Morrow, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers 2015 This UK edition published by HarperThorsons 2015 Designed by Jamie Lynn Kerner © Amy Morin 2015 A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. While every effort has been made to trace the owners of copyright material reproduced herein and secure permissions, the publishers would like to apologise for any omissions and will be pleased to incorporate missing acknowledgements in any future edition of this book. Amy Morin asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books. Find out about HarperCollins and the environment at www.harpercollins.co.uk/green Source ISBN: 9780008105938 Ebook Edition © 2014 ISBN: 9780008105945 Version: 2014-12-15

Dedication To all who strive to become better today than they were yesterday

Introduction

What is Mental Strength?

Chapter 1They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Chapter 2They Don’t Give away their Power

Chapter 3They Don’t Shy away from Change

Chapter 4They Don’t Focus on things they can’t Control

Chapter 5They Don’t Worry about Pleasing Everyone

Chapter 6They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

Chapter 7They Don’t Dwell on the Past

Chapter 8They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

Chapter 9They Don’t Resent other People’s Success

Chapter 10They Don’t Give Up after the First Failure

Chapter 11They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Chapter 12They Don’t Feel the World Owes them Anything

Chapter 13They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

ConclusionMaintaining Mental Strength

Acknowledgments

References

About the Publisher

When I was twenty-three, my mother died suddenly from a brain aneurysm. She’d always been a healthy, hardworking, vibrant woman who had loved life right up until her last minute on earth. In fact, I saw her the night before she died. We met at an auditorium to watch a high school basketball tournament. She was laughing, talking, and enjoying life like she always did. But just twenty-four hours later she was gone. The loss of my mother affected me deeply. I couldn’t imagine going through the rest of my life without her advice, laughter, or love.

At the time, I was working as a therapist at a community mental health center, and I took a few weeks off to privately deal with my grief. I knew I couldn’t be effective at helping other people unless I was able to productively deal with my own feelings. Becoming used to a life that no longer included my mother was a process. It wasn’t easy, but I worked hard to get myself back on my feet. From my training as a therapist, I knew that time doesn’t heal anything; it’s how we deal with that time that determines the speed at which we heal. I understood that grief was the necessary process that would eventually alleviate my pain, so I allowed myself to feel sad, to get angry, and to fully accept what I’d truly lost when my mother passed away. It wasn’t just that I missed her—it was also the painful realization that she would never be there again during the important events in my life and that she would never experience the things she’d looked forward to—like retire from her job and become a grandmother. With supportive friends and family, and my faith in God, I found a sense of peace; and as life went on, I was able to remember my mother with a smile, rather than with pangs of sadness.

A few years later, as we approached the third anniversary of my mother’s death, my husband, Lincoln, and I discussed how to best honor her memory that weekend. Friends had invited us to watch a basketball game on Saturday evening. Coincidentally, the game was being played in the same auditorium where we’d last seen my mother. Lincoln and I talked about what it would be like to go back to the place where we’d seen her, just three years ago, on the night before she passed away.

We decided it could be a wonderful way to celebrate her life. After all, my memories of her that night were very good. We’d laughed, had a chance to talk about all kinds of things, and had an all-around great evening. My mother had even predicted my sister would get married to her boyfriend at the time—and a few years later that prediction came true.

So Lincoln and I returned to the auditorium and we enjoyed spending time with our friends. We knew it was what my mother would have wanted. It felt nice to go back and feel okay about being there. But just as I took a sigh of relief about my progress in dealing with my mother’s death, my entire life was once again turned upside down.

After returning home from the basketball game, Lincoln complained of back pain. He’d broken several vertebrae in a car accident a few years prior, so back pain wasn’t unusual for him. But just a few minutes later, he collapsed. I called for paramedics and they arrived within minutes and transported him to the hospital. I called his mother, and his family met me in the emergency room. I had no idea what could possibly be wrong with him.