Steve Biddulph - 10 Things Girls Need Most - To grow up strong and free

Copyright Copyright A Letter from Steve Foreword Your Daughter’s Journey 10 THINGS GIRLS NEED MOST 1. A Secure and Loving Start 2. The Chance to be Wild and Time to be a Child 3. Friendship Skills 4. The Love and Respect of a Dad 5. Spark 6. Aunties 7. A Happy Sexuality 8. Backbone 9. Feminism 10. Spirit Endnotes Further Reading Picture Credits List of Searchable Terms Acknowledgements Other Books by Steve Biddulph About the Publisher

Thorsons

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London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published by Thorsons 2017

FIRST EDITION

Text © Steve Biddulph 2017

Questionnaire design © Bobby&Co Book Design

Cover layout design © HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 2017

Cover photograph © FatCamera/Getty Images

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

Steve Biddulph asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN: 9780008146795

Ebook Edition © April 2017 ISBN: 9780008146801

Version 2017-04-29

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Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

A Letter from Steve

Foreword

Your Daughter’s Journey

10 THINGS GIRLS NEED MOST

1. A Secure and Loving Start

2. The Chance to be Wild and Time to be a Child

3. Friendship Skills

4. The Love and Respect of a Dad

5. Spark

6. Aunties

7. A Happy Sexuality

8. Backbone

9. Feminism

10. Spirit

Endnotes

Further Reading

Picture Credits

List of Searchable Terms

Acknowledgements

Other Books by Steve Biddulph

About the Publisher

A letter from Steve

For forty years I’ve worked with parents in talks and workshops, and it is so satisfying, and so much fun, that I wished I could share it with every parent in the world. So I set about thinking how to do so in a book.

What you hold in your hands is the result. You can read it straight through, like any other book, but – if you wish to go further – on every few pages there are opportunities to respond . These are very simple – a self-evaluation quiz, or an idea to give a quick rating to. These instant-response items take you deeper into awareness of how to better help your girl.

As this is an ebook – and you can’t write on your screen – just use a small notebook and give your ratings or answers there. It works just as well. Or if you want a printed record, you can also download the questionnaires at www.stevebiddulph.co.uk/resources. You can print these out and fill them in. They are incredibly useful to discuss with your partner, or sometimes your child as well.

We have field-tested these questions and found that parents love the sudden flashes of insight they can bring. You will find yourself seeing your family more clearly, and, from this, you will become more the parent your daughter needs you to be.

So, please – give it a try and see.

One more thing – it sometimes happens that the questions can bring tears, or other strong emotions. Be gentle with yourself, and know that all of us parents feel this way sometimes. We send our love to you and our admiration for being willing to grow and learn.

Sincerely,

You can also use this book as a discussion guide with your friends. Taking one chapter at a time, you can create your own ongoing support group to help you care for all your daughters together. That’s how girls were meant to be raised – by a tribe.

Foreword

THE BATTLE TO SET GIRLS FREE

You remember that moment, don’t you? Holding your baby daughter in your arms for the very first time. Her eyes wide open, gazing back into yours. Feeling so protective, so proud, so happy. A daughter!

Throughout the last hundred years, things have got better for girls. People fought hard for our daughters to have more equality and opportunity and to be less pushed into narrow boxes of what a girl, or woman, could be. But about ten years ago – it’s hard to say just when – all this started to change. Girls who had flown up in the sunshine of a century of feminism started to go into a nosedive.

Everyone has noticed this – not just psychologists and counsellors, but parents themselves. They say, ‘Fourteen is the new eighteen,’ or ‘They’re growing up too fast.’ Or they just roll their eyes and say, ‘Girls!’

As I am writing this, the Department for Education is reporting that a third of all teenage girls in the UK suffer from depression or anxiety. They are calling it ‘an important and significant trend’. The NHS says the same; they report that 20 per cent of girls are self-harming – three times as many as ten years ago. Not only that; 13 per cent of girls have symptoms of post-traumatic stress – something we associate with serious trauma or harm. Eating disorders, body-hate, having unhappy and unwanted sex: all are on the increase. It’s not all girls, but it’s enough of them to worry about.