David Baddiel - Birthday Boy

First published in Great Britain by

HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2017

HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd,

HarperCollins Publishers

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

The HarperCollins website address is:

www.harpercollins.co.uk

Text copyright © David Baddiel 2017

Illustrations copyright © Jim Field 2017

All rights reserved.

Cover illustration copyright © Jim Field 2017

David Baddiel and Jim Field assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of the work respectively.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Source ISBN: 9780008200473

Ebook Edition © 2017 ISBN: 9780008200497

Version: 2018-09-18

To Grandpa Colin

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2017 HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd, HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF The HarperCollins website address is: www.harpercollins.co.uk Text copyright © David Baddiel 2017 Illustrations copyright © Jim Field 2017 All rights reserved. Cover illustration copyright © Jim Field 2017 David Baddiel and Jim Field assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of the work respectively. A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins. Source ISBN: 9780008200473 Ebook Edition © 2017 ISBN: 9780008200497 Version: 2018-09-18

Dedication To Grandpa Colin

Part 1: For he’s a jolly good fellow …

Chapter 1: Birthday Boy

Chapter 2: Um …

Chapter 3: The Star-Watcher Explorer

Chapter 4: 11.59PM

Chapter 5: When you wish upon a star

Chapter 6: Birthday Two

Chapter 7: Everyday magical

Chapter 8: New kid

Chapter 9: This could get complicated

Chapter 10: The whole school

Chapter 11: Hodgepodge

Chapter 12: A packet of Werther’s Originals, some shoelaces and a jar of Duraglit

Chapter 13: It always just points straight back at me

Chapter 14: Can’t make out what you’re saying there at all

Part 2: For he’s a jolly good fellow …

Part 3: For he’s a jolly—oh.

Chapter 15: Too much

Chapter 16: You’ll what?

Chapter 17: Feeling a bit low

Chapter 18: Sir Guinea Pig and the Green Knight

Chapter 19: Nobody knows

Chapter 20: Never mind

Chapter 21: Especially on your birthday

Chapter 22: A weird wish

Chapter 23: That island in the middle of the river

Chapter 24: With great poo-er

Chapter 25: The rozzers

Chapter 26: It’s a deal

Chapter 27: Don’t look now

Chapter 28: Like a superhero

Chapter 29: Skateboat

Part 4: And so say all of us

Chapter 30: Over the waves of a concrete sea

Chapter 31: Brick. Wall.

Chapter 32: A feeling

Chapter 33: The one thing you definitely need on a dangerous secret mission

Chapter 34: Altogether a strange sight

Chapter 35: Keep it zipped

Chapter 36: How much of an idiot is he?

Chapter 37: Schropplingythingy

Chapter 38: Bon voyage

Chapter 39: Let’s go

Chapter 40: Extremely dark and muddy

Chapter 41: Midnight feast

Chapter 42: Born to be wild

Chapter 43: Some sort of rhythm

Chapter 44: Moonlight motorcade

Chapter 45: Crunch

Chapter 46: Flick. Flick. Flick. Shine. Shine. Shine. Flick. Flick. Flick.

Chapter 47: I’m a guinea pig, for crying out loud

Chapter 48: Stronger than the north pole

Chapter 49: Hello? HQ?

Chapter 50: What aliens?

Chapter 51: Very loud, and thudding

Chapter 52: A human shape

Chapter 53: Don’t swear in front of my children

Chapter 54: A camping trip

Chapter 55: Wobbly and windy and swaying and frightening

Chapter 56: Just hold on

Chapter 57: Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One …

Chapter 58: Nothing

Chapter 59: Birthday Two (The real one)

Chapter 60: Case successfully closed

Chapter 61: He’s always going to be here

Chapter 62: Once a week, at night

Chapter 63: Dash Dash Dash. Dot Dot Dot. Dash Dash Dash.

Coda

Acknowledgements

Keep Reading …

Books by David Baddiel

About the Publisher

Sam Green was really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really looking forward to his eleventh birthday.

I mean: really . He couldn’t wait. In the days leading up to it – his birthday was on the eighth of September – he simply wouldn’t talk about anything else.

“Have you sorted your school bag, Sam?” his mother, Vicky, would say in the morning.

“I’m thinking an A dventure T ime cake this year, Mum,” Sam would reply. “With Finn, Jake and Ice King figures. What do you think?”

“I think you should get your school bag sorted,” she’d answer.

“Do you want to play football?” his friends would say to him at break-time.

“What about a magic party?” he would reply. “You all come, having learnt a different magic trick, right, and then we each perform it in turn – me last, of course – and then … where are you going?”

“To play football,” they’d answer. “Break’s nearly over.”

“What would you like for dinner?” his dad, Charlie, would say to him and his younger sister, Ruby, in the evening.