Gael Lindenfield - The Positive Woman

Start now to correct your negative outlook by reading the following typical positive comments from people I have known who have taken the risk of inspecting the hidden depths of their hearts and minds.

‘I didn’t realize how exciting self-exploration could be.’

‘I found out that I was a much more interesting person than I ever dreamed I was.’

‘I’d forgotten how much I had already achieved in my life – remembering gave me the courage to keep on trying.’

‘It was wonderful to rediscover my hidden strengths.’

‘Finding out what was really important to me in life was the first step towards getting it!’

‘It felt so good to become aware that I had simply slipped into a rut for the safety I once so desperately wanted but now no longer need.’

‘Understanding the cause of my faults helped me like myself better – and helped me to become more tolerant of those weaknesses in other people.’

If you are suffering from a particularly bad attack of negativity, read the above section again and again. You could even photocopy it, paste it in your diary or hang it up in the kitchen to give you an extra-strong dose of corrective reconditioning! Now, with a positive, optimistic approach, try completing the following exercises.

Answer the following questions. In the first instance respond quickly and spontaneously. Then, at a later time, review the exercise at a slower pace, noting whether you would want to change or modify your first responses and if so, why?

1. The six adjectives which best describe me are …

2. When I was a young child I dreamed of …

3. When I was an adolescent I dreamed I would be an adult who …

4. The best that could happen to me would be …

5. The worst that could happen to me would be …

6. I feel at my best when …

7. I feel at my worst when …

8. The five greatest heroines I admire are …

9. The five greatest heroes I admire are …

10. My six great strengths are …

11. My six great weaknesses are …

12. I feel good when I think of …

13. I feel bad when I think of …

14. I feel hopeful when I am doing …

15. I feel despairing when I am doing …

16. I give of my best in situations where …

17. I hold myself back when …

18. I would end a personal relationship if …

19. I would give up my job if …

20. I would risk my life for …

21. Most people think I am …

22. When I die I would like to be remembered for …

Now ask yourself:

Who would I be prepared to show this to?

What might be their response?

Tick the response which is nearest to your own reactions in these ‘everyday’ situations.

1. When I get up in the morning, most days:

a) I feel excited about the day ahead.

b) I don’t feel anything in particular.

c) I have a feeling of dread or anxiety.

2. When it comes to planning a holiday:

a) I feel excited and interested.

b) I don’t mind if others make the arrangements.

c) I wonder whether it’s worth all the trouble.

3. I think television these days …

a) nearly always has something interesting/ amusing/ relaxing to watch.

b) is OK to watch if you have nothing better to do.

c) is just full of depressing news and badly made programmes.

4. A friend from long ago is trying to contact you:

a) You’re longing to tell her all about your life today and find out about hers.

b) You don’t think either of you will have changed but it could pleasant to talk over ‘the old days’.

c) You wonder why she is bothering because you’re unlikely to have anything in common, and anyway you are very busy.

5. You are about to go shopping for a new dress:

a) You are excited and wonder what new styles are around.

b) Your mind becomes immediately preoccupied with practical issues such as time factors, parking, which shops you should confine yourself to, etc.

c) You worry that you’ll never find anything you like or that most won’t fit and that you’ll either return home without a dress or with one you have been ‘conned’ into buying – or, perhaps, that the dress won’t really cheer you up in the way that you hope.

6. You are glancing through the job advertisements in the paper:

a) You notice all sorts of interesting positions which start you thinking about possibilities.

b) You think that the situation is much the same as it ever was; you’re better off staying where you are.

c) You think that there is no point in applying because the job’s either bound to be ‘spoken for’ or you wouldn’t stand a chance against all those people who are better qualified/more pushy/older/younger/ prettier.

7. You unexpectedly catch sight of yourself in a shop window:

a) You are pleased and satisfied with the image you see.

b) You think (yet again), ‘I must do something about my hair and get around to buying a new coat – and learn to stick to my diet …’

c) You quickly avert your eyes, wishing you hadn’t seen what was reflected there.

8. You are on your way to collect the morning’s post:

a) You wonder who will have replied to your letters or if there will be any surprises.

b) You doubt there’ll be anything in the pile for you.

c) You warn yourself that it’s bound to be all junk mail and bills.

9. It’s your birthday next week:

a) You can’t believe you’re that age because you feel so much younger – you wonder how you can best celebrate it.

b) You don’t really want a fuss made of it, perhaps because you are too busy or would prefer to forget time passing.

c) You know that you are likely to get presents that you don’t want and receive cards from people that are only ‘doing their duty’ by you – the only good thing is it’s an excuse for ‘getting plastered’.

10. You are given short change in a shop; you complain and the assistant apologizes profusely:

a) You accept the apology, thinking it was most likely to have been a mistake, but will remember to count your change carefully in future.

b) You feel very sorry for the assistant; you seem to have upset her so much that you wished you hadn’t bothered, and anyway what will people think of you, making a fuss over small change.

c) You accept the apology very reluctantly, inwardly convinced that it was no accident because they are all ‘at it’ these days’ …

11. You hear there are plans to build a road through the children’s park and the local sports centre:

a) You decide to find out more about the plans and join or start an action group to ensure the residents’ rights are protected.

b) You are upset but suppose they must have looked at all the alternatives and just hope that someone makes sure they replace the facilities.

c) You have a good moan about how planners are all the same – either thick or easily bribed. You know there’s certainly no point in trying to fight ‘that lot’ and the politicians are only out for the votes anyway!

High scores in category:

‘a’ indicates a positive, flexible and energetic outlook. You enjoy life, and value both yourself and your time. You like challenge and are ready and willing to look at ways of changing your life. You know how to reward yourself and have fun. You see the world as full of interesting possibilities and are able to enjoy meeting and relating to different kinds of people.

‘b’ indicates that you are in a lethargic, bored frame of mind and run the risk of slipping into negativity. Your life is probably stuck in a safe, even peaceful, rut but there is a danger that you will one day realize that life is passing you by! You are too eager to please and probably the kind of person whom everyone likes but few would get passionate about. You are in danger of ending up in the classic female martyr position – wondering why people are not grateful for all that you have done for them and why life has let you down.