Stuart Harrison - Aphrodite’s Smile

He didn’t seem to be too concerned. He was losing his job and I knew he must have leveraged everything he owned to make himself a partner in the deal he’d done with the owners of the site. He stood to make a lot of money if things worked out. He would have quit his job with me eventually anyway, but he wanted the security of a salary for as long as possible.

When he had packed up his things he looked around the office. ‘I’ll send somebody around for the rest of this stuff.’ He looked as if he were wondering whether to offer to shake hands.

‘You should know that after I spoke to David I had him make an offer on the building,’ I said. ‘Twice the original price.’

Tony’s face fell. ‘You can’t be serious. It isn’t worth that much.’

‘You’re right, it isn’t. But the way prices are going, in a couple of years I’ll be able to sell it on. Until then, I’ll just sit on it and pay the interest.’

He smiled. ‘You wouldn’t do that. You still stand to lose a lot of money.’

He was right about losing money, but I had found that all lessons in life come at a cost. In business I wouldn’t make the mistake of trusting anybody the way I had trusted Tony again. When I didn’t say anything he realised that I was serious. He looked ashen.

‘Your shareholding in this company of course reverts to me for the price you paid,’ I reminded him. ‘There’s a loyalty clause if you remember.’

Since he hadn’t actually paid anything for his shares, in effect he had to gift them back. It was all legal and above board. He probably hadn’t even read the small print when I had made the transfer. At the time he hadn’t been planning to try to cheat me. ‘You can’t do that,’ he said desperately. ‘I’ll contest it. You won’t fucking well get away with it.’

‘That’s your right,’ I said calmly. ‘But I’d consult a good lawyer if I were you. Now get out.’

He wavered, indecision raging in his expression. I thought for a moment he would try to plead with me, invoke our friendship and the years we’d worked to build the company together. But there was no friendship any more. As far as I was concerned he didn’t exist.

My father sounded tired when I spoke to him at the end of the week. But underneath his fatigue I detected a spark of his old resilience.

‘The gods haven’t finished with me yet, Robert,’ he said when I asked him how he was feeling. ‘They work in mysterious ways. In the face of peril they struck me down. A peculiar method of saving my wretched life, but effective nevertheless.’

I had no idea what he was talking about but I assumed that he was referring to his heart attack being a wake-up call. ‘The doctors told Irene you were lucky,’ I said. ‘You have to listen to their advice.’

‘Yes, yes. Don’t eat this, don’t drink that. I know all about it. A life of medicines and abstinence awaits me.’

Despite the curtailments he faced he sounded cheerful enough. I thought he wasn’t taking it seriously, which annoyed me because it was Irene who would have to take care of him. I told him how worried she had been and that he should think of her instead of himself.

‘Of course,’ he said, sounding suddenly regretful. ‘Poor Irene. I’ve put her through a lot. But I’ll make it up to her now. I’ve always loved her you know. She’s a remarkable woman.’

He was rambling, I thought. I wondered if it was the effect of his medication.

‘She tells me that you’ve been phoning,’ he said. ‘That’s very good of you.’

‘I was concerned about her,’ I said pointedly.

‘Yes, yes, of course,’ he murmured, the hurt evident in his voice.

I regretted being cruel, but my father had always brought out the worst in me. I tried to make amends by telling him that I was glad that he sounded better. We spoke for another minute or two and then, preparing to hang up, I said, ‘I should let you rest.’

‘Irene mentioned that you might come out some time soon,’ he said quickly.

The hopeful note in his tone made me uncomfortable. ‘When I can get away,’ I said.

‘It would be wonderful to see you. It’s been quite a long time hasn’t it?’

‘Maybe in a few weeks,’ I said. ‘I’ll let you know. In the mean time just remember to do what the doctors tell you.’

‘Yes, of course. You know, Robert, it’s funny but it’s true what they say you know. While I’ve been lying here I’ve had a lot of time to think. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. Things I regret. I’ve always wanted to try to explain.’

‘You can do it when you’re stronger,’ I cut in, but he wasn’t listening.

‘I thought I was doing the right thing when I left England. I never meant to leave it so long before I wrote to you. I suppose I thought it was for the best …’

‘It was a long time ago,’ I said. I had heard this before, but it hadn’t made any difference then and it wouldn’t now. What was done couldn’t be undone. ‘We can talk when I come over.’

‘I understand what you must have felt,’ he went on, as if he hadn’t heard me. ‘I didn’t at the time of course, but in retrospect …’

‘No!’ In the startled silence that followed I took a deep breath to calm myself. ‘You don’t know how I felt,’ I said quietly.

‘No, of course.’ He sounded suddenly exhausted. ‘Perhaps you’re right. This isn’t the time.’

‘You should rest,’ I said. ‘Let me speak to Irene.’

He said goodbye and handed me over. She must have been right beside him. I could hear the concern in her voice as she told him to lie back and rest, and when she came on the phone she spoke quietly.

‘You must try not to upset him.’

‘I’m sorry. Look, maybe it’s better if I don’t call for a few days.’

I wasn’t about to let the wounds of the past intrude on the present. I’d planned that Alicia and I would go away for the weekend and so I’d booked a cottage in the Cotswolds. She loved the country and I’d reserved a table at a restaurant that I knew she liked. I’d bought her a ring. I was going to do the whole corny thing of proposing and then I’d open the little box and put it down in front of her.

The night before we left, she got up from her chair and kissed the top of my head. ‘Sleepy?’

I’d been brooding, my thoughts occupied with Tony and my father. I knew from her tone that Alicia wasn’t thinking about sleep. Suddenly I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to feel close to her. A kind of reassurance.

I turned out the lights and followed her upstairs. When I went into our bedroom I glimpsed her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She was completely naked which was a sight that never failed to arouse me. Alicia took care of herself. She ran and worked out at the gym and it showed. As I began to turn away I saw her pop a birth control pill into her hand and then she dropped it into the sink and I heard the rush of water as she turned on the tap.

For a second I couldn’t move. I was shocked. Then I went back downstairs before she came out of the bathroom. I wondered how long she’d been throwing her pills away. When I thought about it, our sexual relationship had been fairly active recently even though Alicia had been working so hard. I couldn’t believe that she was trying to get pregnant. I thought I knew her, but I suddenly felt as if I didn’t know her at all.

When I went back upstairs again she was in bed and when I slipped in beside her she cuddled up to me, but I caught her hand as she slid it across my chest.

‘It’s been a difficult week,’ I said.

She hesitated in surprise but then she kissed me. ‘Go to sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.’

I turned my back on her and lay in the darkness with my eyes wide open. Alicia snuggled against me, her arm draped across my hip. She shifted position and I felt the soft warmth of her breasts against my back as her fingers trailed against the top of my thigh as if by accident. I didn’t respond. I breathed slowly and evenly so that she would think I was asleep, and eventually she fell asleep herself. After a while she turned over and I raised myself on one elbow to watch her. Her lips were slightly parted, her hair had fallen over her cheek.