Jenne Davis - The Clitical Guide to Female Self-Pleasure - How to Please Yourself So Your Partner Can Too

A Fish by Any Other Name

Another reason that you may feel discomfort when talking about, or looking at, your own genitals is that rarely are our genitals referred to by their correct names. Instead they are referred to as ‘private parts’, or worst still, ‘fish’, ‘star fish’, ‘love taco’, ‘meat curtains’, ‘twat’, or some other equally demeaning name. None of which helps us to get comfortable with them in any way, shape, or form. Many of these names came from an era when talking about sex was frowned upon. It could be said that this is still true, but things are getting better and by learning the correct terms to use when it comes to your own anatomy, you are part of the solution, not part of the problem, so to speak.

More than the Sum of Four

Many women only think of sex in terms of our breasts, buttocks, and, of course, our vulvas as being the sexual part of our beings and that is something of a shame. As we will see in the next chapter, the biggest sexual organ we have is, in fact, our brain, but when we turn our mental thoughts into physical actions amazing things can happen and our entire bodies can become our very own playgrounds of pleasure.

So, let’s start by taking a look at our anatomy from top to bottom – so to speak! For the exercises I've included in this chapter you might find that a hand-held mirror will come in handy, so now would be the perfect time to find one.

Skin

Your skin is, in fact, the largest organ in your body and it contains at least five types of receptors that respond to both pain and touch. An average adult's skin spans 21 square feet, weighs nine pounds, and contains more than 11 miles of blood vessels. Your skin releases as much as three gallons of sweat a day in hot weather. There are a couple of areas that don't sweat and these are the beds of your nails, the margins of your lips, the tip of the penis (if you have one), and your eardrums. Who knew, right?

We tend to take the fact that we have skin as it's, well, just always been there. If you take a minute to look at your skin in a slightly different light you will realize what an important part it can play when it comes to both solo and partnered sex.

Exercise:

In blind people, the brain's visual cortex is rewired to respond to stimuli received via touch and hearing. This allows the blind person to actually ‘see’ the world through touch and sound. If you don't believe me, try this simple experiment and 'see' the world and your skin in a different light.

Begin by either turning the lights off or simply placing a blindfold over your eyes, making sure you really can't peek out. Now take some time exploring your own skin. Notice the touches you make. What do you see? By applying more or less pressure you can experiment with the results of one study that revealed that the Meissner corpuscles – touch receptors that are concentrated in the fingertips and palms, lips and tongue, nipples, penis and clitoris – respond to a pressure of just 20 milligrams, or the weight of a fly. Science is amazing, isn't it?

Hair

As silly as it might sound, your hair is an important part of your identity and though we rarely think of it as being sexy, nothing could be further from the truth. We tend to think of hair and sex in terms of partnered sex, but it doesn't have to be that way. Try this simple exercise to see what I mean:

Experiment:

Take a small clump of hair and run your fingers through it, over it, and even give it a gentle tug. Now do this with your eyes closed and see if the feelings it produces change. I'm willing to bet that it will. The chances are it became much more sexual when you closed your eyes than when they were open.

Ears

We rarely think of our ears in terms of sexuality, but the truth is your ears can be a huge part of your solo sex repertoire if only you would let them. Some women can get turned on simply by touching their own ears, but this is not true in all cases. However, it's worth trying, as they say – nothing ventured nothing gained – and the outcome might surprise you. Of course, the thing we generally use our ears for is to hear what is around us. The things that surround us can often be surprisingly sexual, if only we listen to them.

Exercise:

If you watch porn, start by finding your favorite scene. Now watch it without the sound. Now watch it again with the sound on and your eyes closed. Notice the differences between the experiences. You could also try investing in an audio erotic book and listen to it with your eyes shut (unless, of course, you happen to be driving at the time of listening.)

Lips

Our lips are packed with nerve ending that send many signals to our brains – some sexual and others not. It's not easy to kiss yourself, but it's not impossible, if you think about it. You can kiss your own hand – you can even kiss your own breasts if the mood so takes you. After all, it's your body and you are free to explore it any way you like.

Exercise:

Try simply running your tongue over your lips: slowly, now very slowly. Notice the way your body reacts as you do this. Does it turn you on or have no effect? Everyone has different reactions to everything and especially to the way you touch it.

Tongue

We are what we eat, as they say, and eating something can be a very sexy experience. Our tongues are packed with taste buds that allow us to feel and interrupt the sensations caused by sweetness, bitterness, saltiness, sourness, and umami. Different tastes can, in fact, cause our bodies to react in sexual ways. I'm sure you are familiar with the saying ‘sex is better than chocolate’, but are all too aware that there are times when the opposite is true. By discovering which tastes you enjoy when you are solo it is possible to turn what you eat into a sexual experience.

Exercise:

Try eating some ice cream. Pick a flavor that you know you enjoy, or if you are feeling a little more adventurous, pick one that you have never tried. Now settle down and use a spoon – feed yourself that ice cream, slowly…very slowly. Concentrate on the sensations that the taste produces within you. You are likely to react to the coolness of the ice cream at first, but now try licking the ice cream from the back of the spoon. Again, move slowly and deliberately. It may help if you close your eyes as you concentrate solely on the sensations. I've had some great solo ice-cream escapades over the years. It's all about changing your perception of what you are doing. You're not just eating, you're tasting, enjoying, and – most of all – feeling.

Neck

There are times when I swear my neck is in some way directly connected to my vulva and clitoris. Whether I'm simply touching it gently with my hand or my partner is with their lips or hand, I can't help but get a little moister between my thighs and my thoughts turn to sex. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this connection, and you can find out whether your neck reacts the same way as mine does by trying this simple but effective exercise.

Exercise:

Try running your fingertips across the nape of your neck. Vary the pressure you use as you explore this often-neglected part of your body. You can try experimenting by using various objects such as silk scarves, feathers, and anything else you have at hand – to see the effects the sensations have on you. They might just surprise you!

Shoulders and Arms

Both of these items are rarely thought of as sexy, but they should never be discounted as such when it comes to solo sex.

Exercise: