David Brown: Dealing with Difficult People

Collins

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First published in Great Britain in 2010 by HarperCollins Publishers

Published in Canada by HarperCollins Canada. www.harpercollins.ca

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Published in India by HarperCollins PublishersIndia. www.harpercollins.co.in

Copyright © HarperCollins Publishers 2010

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Source ISBN: 9780007346776

Ebook Edition © MAY 2010 ISBN: 9780007360390

Version: 2017-06-30

Cover Page

Title Page

Copyright

Work successfully with difficult people

Understand what makes us tick

1.1 Define what you mean by difficult

1.2 Accept that we are all different

1.3 Ensure communication is two-way

1.4 Manage change

1.5 Understand assertiveness

1.6 Find the causes of discord

Look in the mirror

2.1 Develop your emotional intelligence

2.2 Understand your own reactions

2.3 Check your confidence levels

2.4 Ask yourself, “How do I look to others?”

Step into their shoes

3.1 First take off your own shoes

3.2 Be specific

3.3 Ask yourself how they are different to you

3.4 Accept some differences

3.5 Focus on what motivates

3.6 Establish trust

3.7 Allow for different cultures

3.8 Tailor relationships to suit the need

Give difficult people a chance

4.1 Display leadership

4.2 Define clear outcomes

4.3 Define clear roles and measures

4.4 Reward the right activities and results

4.5 Reinforce appropriate behaviour

4.6 Communicate with a clear purpose

Use the right tool for the situation

5.1 Dig out the data

5.2 Diagnose the problem

5.3 Decide if there is a task-related issue

5.4 Form a psychological contract

5.5 Use third-party feedback

5.6 Use 360-degree feedback

5.7 Create a common framework

5.8 Promote dialogue

5.9 Understand conflict

5.10 Use psychometric profiling

Develop your skills

6.1 Visualize success

6.2 Give helpful feedback

6.3 Encourage feedback from others

6.4 Know the significance of body language

6.5 Get results from meetings

6.6 Look at timelines

6.7 Get personal

6.8 Share information with those around you

6.9 Complain effectively

6.10 Use both power and influence

Resolve conflicts effectively

7.1 Learn together

7.2 Check your own qualities

7.3 Check the situation

7.4 Check if it’s the other person

7.5 Move forward together

7.6 Keep working on the differences

Jargon Buster

Further Reading

About the Author

Author’s Note

About the Publisher

If someone is being difficult in a business situation, the end result is that individuals, teams or the organization as a whole will find it difficult to function effectively and be as successful as they otherwise might. This book gives you the skills to address difficult people and difficult situations.

I have been in many situations where someone has been widely considered ‘difficult’. It can make life frustrating and even deeply unpleasant. Whilst this book will offer you lots of tips about how to handle such people, we will also look a little deeper at what makes people difficult. You will be asked also to consider situations in which you might be the cause of difficult behaviour – I know that I have sometimes been considered to be the difficult one, when I was quite sure that others were being difficult!

Once you understand the root of the difficulty, you can work out a remedial strategy to suit the situation. This book captures 50 secretspresented in seven chapters that provide the key to you dealing with difficult people. You need to decide which tip will help you in which situation.

• Understand what makes us tick.If you are to manage difficult behaviour successfully, you need to understand behaviour! Consider what shapes our behaviour, what behaviours you can realistically expect to change – and what you can’t.

• Look in the mirror.You may be the problem. This chapter helps you to understand yourself and to consider how you appear to others.

• Step into their shoes.If you are to help people see the need for change, you need to understand those people and discover why they are different to you. In this chapter you will be offered tips on how to create trust and rapport before attempting change.

• Give difficult people a chance.There is a need for you to display leadership, even though sometimes you may not be the line manager. We will look at clear outcomes, role clarity, reinforcing appropriate behaviour and helpful communication.

• Use the right tool for the situation.There are many tools that can help you manage difficult behaviour and difficult situations. Here are some of the globally accepted tools, including some psychometrics, with tips on when to use them.

• Develop your skills.This chapter draws on the previous Secrets to develop your all-round ability to deal with difficult people.

• Resolve conflicts effectively.We conclude with a series of checklists which will help you decide how to move forward with your ‘difficult person’.

If you find yourself saying, “that person is difficult”, don’t condemn them before you have exhausted all the possible strategies for dealing with difficult people covered in these secrets.You may not be able to change their personality, but you can change their behaviour.

Use these secrets to promote harmony and deliver results.

People that we label‘difficult’ appear so because they behave differently to us – in a manner that we may even deem unacceptable. If we are to deal successfully with difficult behaviour, we need to understand some of the fundamentals of human behaviour. This chapter offers an understanding of how we are all different, and why these differences exist. We will look at assertiveness, different communication styles, and how we all see the world through individual eyes.