David Brown: Dealing with Difficult People

• Where do you add value, and where do you add little value?

• How well equipped are you to do your job?

• When might you need to be more decisive or inclined to take risks?

• When do nerves inhibit your performance? When does your body language betray you?

• When do you ever feel the need to cover up a lack of confidence?

“People become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I can do things I acquire the ability to do it.” Mahatma Ghandi

• Do you harbour any self-limiting beliefs about yourself? Do you contribute as fully as you should?

• Do you feel in control of your life at work?

• Are you overly concerned about what people think of you?

Reflect on your answers to the questions. They can be connected with many things – meeting the ‘big boss’ for the first time, speaking to 30 people, an unpleasant experience or a lack of key skills. The trick is to look for clues and patterns, and then do something about it:

• Remind yourself of your successes.What are you good at?

• Treat yourself.Maximize your time spent with people who appreciate you and in situations in which you excel.

• Address your development needs.Share your ideas with a trusted colleague. Consider training, coaching or mentoring.

• Visualize being successful.Top sportspeople do this; it breeds success!

• Open an achievement bank.Create a log of your successes.

• Learn from your mistakes.But don’t be inhibited by them.

• Set achievable goals.Recognize that you can’t be good at everything.

In short – take stock of yourself; know what you are capable of; keep learning; be prepared to develop your capability by stepping outside your comfort zone and live with ambiguity.

For others to have confidence in you, develop your own confidence.

If only we could be as honest with ourselves as we are with other people, we would see ourselves as others do. Then, armed with an accurate perception of how others see us, we would be better able to get on their wavelength and bridge the gaps between us.

Everyone sees you differently, but it is helpful if your perception and theirs line up. Consider a set of personal qualities that are important, such as those listed in the chart, opposite. Rate how people see you on a scale of 0 to 10 (the numbers don’t imply any relative merit, such as good and bad, only difference).

Have a conversation with someone about how they see you, and reciprocate by offering your view of them. Start with someone you trust, before moving on to someone with whom you have problems. Ask for specific examples that support their views of you. The result should be a constructive, honest sharing of perceptions that leads to development needs that can be worked on. You will get to know each other better, and should find each other less difficult.

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