Vera Peiffer - Stress Management - The only introduction you’ll ever need

I need to have everything ‘just so’.

I plan and carry out any work I do to the highest possible standard.

I greatly dislike it when my daily routine gets disrupted.

I am upset when things are not done as they should be done.

I get very agitated when I am prevented from finishing a job properly; I can only relax when all the ‘t’s are crossed and ‘i’s dotted.

My thoroughness makes me fall behind quite often.

I find myself mulling over how I could have done things better in the past.

When I have made only one small mistake, I have to do the whole job again, no matter how trivial the job itself is.

As soon as I have accomplished one task, I start on the next one.

How many points did you get in each section?

If you have four or more points in any one category, you have a strong tendency towards that personality type.

Very few people are a ‘classic’ specimen of any of the four types, but knowing which of the four you are most similar to can give you a good starting point for understanding what is driving you and how you can make adjustments to reduce your stress levels.

As mentioned in Chapter 1, there are of course many different causes of stress, and what is stressful to one person will not be to another. While it is beyond the scope of this book to describe all the possible causes of stress, this chapter outlines some of the most common culprits.

Stress is most commonly associated with a heavy workload or with having to shoulder great responsibility; the underlying cause of one’s reaction to stress may involve many other factors as well. Both home and the workplace can become the scene of many triggers for physical and mental tension which can gradually build up and, if left unchecked, can develop into a serious health risk.

The work environment is a veritable breeding ground for stress, for a variety of reasons. Wherever several people get together on a regular basis, tension becomes a possibility. Personalities can clash and roles within a group can be unclear and consequently adversely influence the effectiveness of the group as a whole. Rivalries often develop which lead to wranglings that have nothing to do with the job in hand, and general dissent about aims and procedures can mar the successful completion of an assignment or project.

Time pressure and deadlines are often part of a job, with projects having to be completed by a given date. In theory this should work well, provided everyone involved pulls his or her own weight. Unfortunately, things do not always run smoothly. Deadlines are sometimes set by people not directly involved in a project, which means they may be unreasonably tight, or even impossible to meet. The result? Everyone involved ends up feeling frustrated and angry.

Unless you work for yourself, most people have to report to someone in a higher position, and a lot of stress can arise if the boss is not a good leader or communicator. People are often promoted to leadership positions only on the strength of their professional skill and knowledge. Whereas they may have been excellent members of staff, they may not make very good heads of a department or sector. Very often, an inability to communicate effectively is at the root of the problem.

Then there are the difficult colleagues … Anyone who has ever worked with or for a difficult person will know how exhausting it can be. If there is friction between people in an office (be it open or implied) anger and resentment can fester, making you stressed out and, eventually, ill.

There are three main types of people who can create upheaval in the workplace – the Bully, who hassles anyone below him or her in the pecking order; the Backstabber, who has an inferiority complex and is nice to your face and puts you down when you have left the room; and the Shirker, who disappears whenever the going gets tough, leaving everyone else to sort out the problem. (We shall look at these three in more detail in Chapter 14.)

Unfortunately, women in particular are still often at the receiving end of bullying and harassment. Even though things have improved over the last few decades, woman are still not treated as equals in many work environments. Certain professions will only reluctantly allow women into their top ranks and, if they do, women still have to work doubly hard and are often paid less than their male counterparts. For the female employee, all this strain is often in addition to the responsibility of having to look after her family when she gets home in the evenings …

Stress can also evolve directly from your working environment. If you have to work with inadequate equipment this can affect you just as greatly as having to do a day’s typing on an uncomfortable chair that makes your back hurt so much you cannot concentrate after a while. Physical stressors can also include bad lighting, poor ventilation, and pollutants (such as cigarette smoke) in the air. An unpleasant or unsuitable environment can cause you not only to feel ill, but does little to boost morale among the members of the workforce who have to put up with it.

Then of course there is the situation of working on your own. It is a fairly modern phenomenon for people to run their own businesses from home or from modest office premises. It takes a dedicated and disciplined person to make working alone a success. You need to be highly motivated and have a strong sense of direction to get through the times when job-related matters do not progress as well as you would like them to, and when there is no one there to discuss things with you can easily end up feeling lonely and isolated.

As mentioned regarding work stressors, wherever there are people there is the possibility of stress. Just because at home the people around you are related to you does not mean that there are no power struggles going on!

An obvious cause of stress is disagreement or tension among family members. This can arise from a basic incompatibility between partners. When children are involved, an untenable marriage is often kept going in the belief that this will be better for the children. In reality, children suffer just as much, if not more, by living in a strained atmosphere at home than if they lived with one relatively happy parent.

Any instability in family life, be it rows or frequent absences of one partner, causes stress. Maybe one parent is away from home a lot because of business or the nature of his or her job, leaving the other to cope. Any decisions concerning the children have to be made by this parent, and in addition he or she has to shoulder all the responsibility if things do not work out and the children get into difficulties. With bullying, truancy and racism rife at many schools, and with the increased availability of drugs even in rural areas, it can be incredibly difficult – and stressful – bringing up children today.

If it is stressful to have healthy children, it is even more so when you have a child who is disabled or severely ill. Special children need help to do things which other youngsters can do unaided, and as there are only 24 hours in a day, loving parents will often end up neglecting themselves in the process. This can cause serious health problems for the parents, the stresses manifesting themselves both physically and mentally.

Of course, actual crises such as seeing your child or anyone else close to you die of an incurable disease or losing a baby through cot death are among the most tragic life situations you can be faced with.

But it is not just one’s immediate family who can be the cause of stress. What happens if your parents are no longer able to look after themselves, when they become too frail or unwell to run their own household? Some very difficult decisions have to be made, and these decisions are not only dependent on personalities but also on finances and circumstances. Considerable change is brought about by having one or two extra people in the house, people who have their own ways of doing things, their own habits and routines. This situation is not only stressful for the children, but also for the ageing parents who are trying to adapt to their new environment.