Kitty Flanagan - 488 Rules for Life - The Thankless Art of Being Correct

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488 Rules for Life is Kitty Flanagan's way of making the world a more pleasant place to live. Providing you with the antidote to every annoying little thing, these rules are not made to be broken. 488 Rules for Life is not a self-help book, because it's not you who needs help, it's other people. Whether they're walking and texting, asphyxiating you on public transport with their noxious perfume cloud, or leaving one useless square of toilet paper on the roll, a lot of people just don't know the rules. But thanks to Kitty Flanagan's comprehensive guide to modern behaviour, our world will soon be a much better place. A place where people don't ruin the fruit salad by putting banana in it … where your co-workers respect your olfactory system and don't reheat their fish curry in the office microwave … where middle aged men don't have ponytails … Other rules to live by include: 1. Men must wear shorts over leggingsThe gym is no place for people to discover whether or not you are circumcised. That’s a private discussion for another place and time. 2. Team bonding activities should be optionalSome people love it when management decides that an afternoon of bowling or paintballing or (god forbid) karaoke will help everyone work better as a team. Others would rather be dead. 3. Don’t ever mention your ‘happy place’To me, this sounds less like a pleasant, fun state of mind and more like some kind of utopian wank palace you’ve had built in the basement. What started as a personal joke is now a quintessential reference book with the power to change society. (Or, at least, make it a bit less irritating. ) What people are (Kitty Flanagan is) saying about this book: 'You're welcome everyone. ' 'Thank god for me. ' 'I'd rather be sad and lonely, but right. ' 'There's not actually 488 rules in here but it sure feels like it'.

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97

Know when the small talk well is running dry and bail out

‘Got any travel plans?’ is an acceptable question when you’re struggling to sustain a floundering conversation; however, if you then follow it up with ‘Oh that’s nice … so, when do you go away?’ the conversation is officially dead in the water. So make an excuse and exeunt. Unless you’re planning a burglary of their house, there is nothing to be gained by garnering the exact dates of an acquaintance’s holiday.

98

Recounting a TV series to someone in great detail does not constitute good conversation

I do this a lot. Sorry everyone.

99

Have a few emergency ‘go - to’ questions for when the conversation stalls

Basic conversation starters like:

‘Who do you fancy in the Australian Open?’

or

‘What’s your favourite soup recipe?’

or

‘Would you rather be deaf or blind?’

or

‘If you could ask Jennifer Aniston one question, what would it be?’

or

‘Hand on heart, if you’d had an attic, would you have let Anne Frank hide in there?’

PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES FOOD RELATIONSHIPS & DATING PARENTING FASHION AT THE MOVIES AT THE SHOPS TECHNOLOGY SPORT PARTIES & CELEBRATIONS HOLIDAYS & TRAVEL ART & ENTERTAINMENT THE FINAL RULE Acknowledgements About the Author Other Books By About the Publisher

A word about air travel

I admit I seem to have an excessive amount of rules pertaining to planes and airports, but that’s because I do a lot of touring and I spend an excessive amount of time on planes and in airports.

I realise there are many people who only fly occasionally and when they do it’s almost always for the purpose of a holiday. That puts you in a completely different mindset to those who travel for work purposes. Being in holiday mode means you are far more likely to be in a good mood

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