Kitty Flanagan - 488 Rules for Life

Neither the author nor the publisher has any connection with either Jordan Peterson, the author of 12 Rules for Life , or the publisher of that book, and readers must not interpret anything in this book as giving rise to any such connection.

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First published in Australia by Allen & Unwin 2019

This edition HarperCollins Publishers 2019

FIRST EDITION

© Kitty Flanagan 2019

Cover design by Tohby Riddle © HarperCollins Publishers 2019

Cover illustration © Tohby Riddle

Internal illustrations by Tohby Riddle

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

Kitty Flanagan asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN: 9780008391836

Ebook Edition © November 2019 ISBN: 9780008391843

Version 2019-11-12

For Marmee

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

A word from the author

How to use this book

THE FUNDAMENTAL RULE

AROUND THE HOME

HEALTH & LIFESTYLE

AT THE OFFICE

LANGUAGE

PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES

FOOD

RELATIONSHIPS & DATING

PARENTING

FASHION

AT THE MOVIES

AT THE SHOPS

TECHNOLOGY

SPORT

PARTIES & CELEBRATIONS

HOLIDAYS & TRAVEL

ART & ENTERTAINMENT

THE FINAL RULE

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Other Books By

About the Publisher

A word from the author A word from the author How to use this book THE FUNDAMENTAL RULE AROUND THE HOME HEALTH & LIFESTYLE AT THE OFFICE LANGUAGE PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES FOOD RELATIONSHIPS & DATING PARENTING FASHION AT THE MOVIES AT THE SHOPS TECHNOLOGY SPORT PARTIES & CELEBRATIONS HOLIDAYS & TRAVEL ART & ENTERTAINMENT THE FINAL RULE Acknowledgements About the Author Other Books By About the Publisher

This book started out as a five-minute segment on ABC TV’s The Weekly program, it was inspired by the bestselling book 12 Rules for Life and it was a joke. I took issue with the fact that author, Jordan Peterson, only had twelve rules. Twelve? For life? That’s madness, I have more than twelve rules just for the bathroom.

After the segment aired, I kept being stopped by people wanting to know where they could buy this book (that didn’t actually exist) called 488 Rules for Life . It was suddenly apparent that I wasn’t the only crackpot out there who loves rules. So I decided to do the book for real. But it’s still a joke. Even I admit that 488 is a lot of rules and obviously no one will like all of the rules, but I’m pretty sure everyone will like some of the rules. And when you do hit a particular rule that resonates, it will make you feel really good—you’ll enjoy the fact that someone else gets as annoyed or outraged or exhausted by the same things you do.

If, by some chance, you manage to read the entire book and don’t find a single rule you agree with and instead keep thinking, I don’t get why she’s so irritated by people? Why can’t she just live and let live? that’s okay, that’s your prerogative … as long as you understand you are probably really annoying a lot of people around you with your unbearable positivity and your ‘I love everything’ attitude.

I think, deep down, people are crying out for rules. Once it was commonplace to look to published guides for advice on behaviour, protocol and etiquette. Guides produced by recognised authorities, such as Debrett’s in the United Kingdom and Emily Post in the United States. Even in Australia we had our very own Miss Manners, the formidable June Dally-Watkins—I met her once, she didn’t say hello, she just looked me up and down and told me in no uncertain terms I should never wear a white bra under a white shirt. ‘Always nude, dear, always nude.’

But these days there is no such guide in circulation, and I believe the rise in rude behaviour and the lack of basic courtesy we are witnessing in the modern world is quite possibly due to ignorance. If you don’t know the rules, how are you supposed to abide by them?

Which is why I say, thank god for me. Now, with this comprehensive reference book at your fingertips, there can be no excuse for bad behaviour. Whenever you’re unsure about the right way to behave, whenever you want to know what not to do in any given situation, simply turn to 488 Rules for Life . The answer is bound to be in here somewhere.

How to use this book How to use this book THE FUNDAMENTAL RULE AROUND THE HOME HEALTH & LIFESTYLE AT THE OFFICE LANGUAGE PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES FOOD RELATIONSHIPS & DATING PARENTING FASHION AT THE MOVIES AT THE SHOPS TECHNOLOGY SPORT PARTIES & CELEBRATIONS HOLIDAYS & TRAVEL ART & ENTERTAINMENT THE FINAL RULE Acknowledgements About the Author Other Books By About the Publisher

This book is divided into sections and within each section you will find a range of rules. Some are fairly basic, things that everyone should already know; others are more specific and are for the people I call genuine rule enthusiasts. And occasionally you will come across rules so particular and persnickety that only absolute zealots like myself will be able to get on board. I have separated these into special sealed sections so that the more tolerant reader can avoid them easily.

Whatever level of rule disciple you are, know that reading this book and observing these rules will definitely make the world a nicer place. I also guarantee you will be better looking and better informed; in fact, you’ll be a better human overall. So think of it as a self-help book, only you don’t have to give up sugar, buy expensive exercise equipment or keep a diary of your dreams. All you have to do is speak up when you see someone breaking the rules. A gentle but friendly reminder is all it takes: ‘Hey buddy! Rule number 266—no sunglasses on the back of your neck, cheers mate, just letting you know.’ There’s no need to be rude or confrontational about it, keep it light—remember, like me, you’re here to help.