Knowledge house - Oscar Wilde - The Complete Works

Oh! I am not at all romantic. I am not old enough. I leave romance to my seniors.

sir robert chiltern

Lord Goring is the result of Boodle’s Club, Mrs. Cheveley.

mrs. cheveley

He reflects every credit on the institution.

lord goring

May I ask are you staying in London long?

mrs. cheveley

That depends partly on the weather, partly on the cooking, and partly on Sir Robert.

sir robert chiltern

You are not going to plunge us into a European war, I hope?

mrs. cheveley

There is no danger, at present!

·20· [ She nods to Lord Goring, with a look of amusement in her eyes, and goes out with Sir Robert Chiltern. Lord Goring saunters over to Mabel Chiltern .]

mabel chiltern

You are very late!

lord goring

Have you missed me?

mabel chiltern

Awfully!

lord goring

Then I am sorry I did not stay away longer. I like being missed.

mabel chiltern

How very selfish of you!

lord goring

I am very selfish.

mabel chiltern

You are always telling me of your bad qualities, Lord Goring.

·21· lord goring

I have only told you half of them as yet, Miss Mabel!

mabel chiltern

Are the others very bad?

lord goring

Quite dreadful! When I think of them at night I go to sleep at once.

mabel chiltern

Well, I delight in your bad qualities. I wouldn’t have you part with one of them.

lord goring

How very nice of you! But then you are always nice. By the way, I want to ask you a question, Miss Mabel. Who brought Mrs. Cheveley here? That woman in heliotrope, who has just gone out of the room with your brother?

mabel chiltern

Oh, I think Lady Markby brought her. Why do you ask?

lord goring

I hadn’t seen her for years, that is all.

·22· mabel chiltern

What an absurd reason!

lord goring

All reasons are absurd.

mabel chiltern

What sort of woman is she?

lord goring

Oh! a genius in the daytime and a beauty at night!

mabel chiltern

I dislike her already.

lord goring

That shows your admirable good taste.

vicomte de nanjac

[ Approaching .] Ah, the English young lady is the dragon of good taste, is she not? Quite the dragon of good taste.

lord goring

So the newspapers are always telling us.

vicomte de nanjac

I read all your English newspapers. I find them so amusing.

·23· lord goring

Then, my dear Nanjac, you must certainly read between the lines.

vicomte de nanjac

I should like to, but my professor objects. [ To Mabel Chiltern .] May I have the pleasure of escorting you to the music-room, Mademoiselle?

mabel chiltern

[ Looking very disappointed .] Delighted, Vicomte, quite delighted! [ Turning to Lord Goring .] Aren’t you coming to the music-room?

lord goring

Not if there is any music going on, Miss Mabel.

mabel chiltern

[ Severely .] The music is in German. You would not understand it.

[ Goes out with the Vicomte de Nanjac. Lord Caversham comes up to his son .]

lord caversham

Well, sir! what are you doing here? Wasting your life as usual! You should be in bed, sir. You keep too late hours! I heard of you the other night at Lady Rufford’s dancing till four o’clock in the morning!

·24· lord goring

Only a quarter to four, father.

lord caversham

Can’t make out how you stand London Society. The thing has gone to the dogs, a lot of damned nobodies talking about nothing.

lord goring

I love talking about nothing, father. It is the only thing I know anything about.

lord caversham

You seem to me to be living entirely for pleasure.

lord goring

What else is there to live for, father? Nothing ages like happiness.

lord caversham

You are heartless, sir, very heartless!

lord goring

I hope not, father. Good evening, Lady Basildon!

lady basildon

[ Arching two pretty eyebrows .] Are you here? I had no idea you ever came to political parties!

·25· lord goring

I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don’t talk politics.

lady basildon

I delight in talking politics. I talk them all day long. But I can’t bear listening to them. I don’t know how the unfortunate men in the House stand these long debates.

lord goring

By never listening.

lady basildon

Really?

lord goring

[ In his most serious manner .] Of course. You see, it is a very dangerous thing to listen. If one listens one may be convinced; and a man who allows himself to be convinced by an argument is a thoroughly unreasonable person.

lady basildon

Ah! that accounts for so much in men that I have never understood, and so much in women that their husbands never appreciate in them!

mrs. marchmont

[ With a sigh .] Our husbands never appreciate ·26· anything in us. We have to go to others for that!

lady basildon

[ Emphatically .] Yes, always to others, have we not?

lord goring

[ Smiling .] And those are the views of the two ladies who are known to have the most admirable husbands in London.

mrs. marchmont

That is exactly what we can’t stand. My Reginald is quite hopelessly faultless. He is really unendurably so, at times! There is not the smallest element of excitement in knowing him.

lord goring

How terrible! Really, the thing should be more widely known!

lady basildon

Basildon is quite as bad; he is as domestic as if he was a bachelor.

mrs. marchmont

[ Pressing Lady Basildon’s hand .] My poor Olivia! We have married perfect husbands, and we are well punished for it.

·27· lord goring

I should have thought it was the husbands who were punished.

mrs. marchmont

[ Drawing herself up .] Oh, dear no! They are as happy as possible! And as for trusting us, it is tragic how much they trust us.

lady basildon

Perfectly tragic!

lord goring

Or comic, Lady Basildon?

lady basildon

Certainly not comic, Lord Goring. How unkind of you to suggest such a thing!

mrs. marchmont

I am afraid Lord Goring is in the camp of the enemy, as usual. I saw him talking to that Mrs. Cheveley when he came in.

lord goring

Handsome woman, Mrs. Cheveley!

lady basildon

[ Stiffly .] Please don’t praise other women in our presence. You might wait for us to do that!

·28· lord goring

I did wait.

mrs. marchmont

Well, we are not going to praise her. I hear she went to the Opera on Monday night, and told Tommy Rufford at supper that, as far as she could see, London Society was entirely made up of dowdies and dandies.

lord goring

She is quite right, too. The men are all dowdies and the women are all dandies, aren’t they?

mrs. marchmont

[ After a pause .] Oh! do you really think that is what Mrs. Cheveley meant?

lord goring

Of course. And a very sensible remark for Mrs. Cheveley to make, too.

[ Enter Mabel Chiltern. She joins the group .]

mabel chiltern

Why are you talking about Mrs. Cheveley? Everybody is talking about Mrs. Cheveley! Lord Goring says—what did you say, Lord Goring, about Mrs. Cheveley? Oh! I remember, that she was a genius in the daytime and a beauty at night.

·29· lady basildon

What a horrid combination! So very unnatural!

mrs. marchmont

[ In her most dreamy manner .] I like looking at geniuses, and listening to beautiful people.

lord goring

Ah! that is morbid of you, Mrs. Marchmont!