Knowledge house - Oscar Wilde - The Complete Works

·10· sir robert chiltern

Good evening, Lady Markby! I hope you have brought Sir John with you?

lady markby

Oh! I have brought a much more charming person than Sir John. Sir John’s temper since he has taken seriously to politics has become quite unbearable. Really, now that the House of Commons is trying to become useful, it does a great deal of harm.

sir robert chiltern

I hope not, Lady Markby. At any rate we do our best to waste the public time, don’t we? But who is this charming person you have been kind enough to bring to us?

lady markby

Her name is Mrs. Cheveley! One of the Dorsetshire Cheveleys, I suppose. But I really don’t know. Families are so mixed nowadays. Indeed, as a rule, everybody turns out to be somebody else.

sir robert chiltern

Mrs. Cheveley? I seem to know the name.

lady markby

She has just arrived from Vienna.

·11· sir robert chiltern

Ah! yes. I think I know whom you mean.

lady markby

Oh! she goes everywhere there, and has such pleasant scandals about all her friends. I really must go to Vienna next winter. I hope there is a good chef at the Embassy.

sir robert chiltern

If there is not, the Ambassador will certainly have to be recalled. Pray point out Mrs. Cheveley to me. I should like to see her.

lady markby

Let me introduce you. [ To Mrs. Cheveley .] My dear, Sir Robert Chiltern is dying to know you!

sir robert chiltern

[ Bowing .] Everyone is dying to know the brilliant Mrs. Cheveley. Our attachés at Vienna write to us about nothing else.

mrs. cheveley

Thank you, Sir Robert. An acquaintance that begins with a compliment is sure to develop into a real friendship. It starts in the right manner. And I find that I know Lady Chiltern already.

sir robert chiltern

Really?

·12· mrs. cheveley

Yes. She has just reminded me that we were at school together. I remember it perfectly now. She always got the good conduct prize. I have a distinct recollection of Lady Chiltern always getting the good conduct prize!

sir robert chiltern

[ Smiling .] And what prizes did you get, Mrs. Cheveley?

mrs. cheveley

My prizes came a little later on in life. I don’t think any of them were for good conduct. I forget!

sir robert chiltern

I am sure they were for something charming!

mrs. cheveley

I don’t know that women are always rewarded for being charming. I think they are usually punished for it! Certainly, more women grow old nowadays through the faithfulness of their admirers than through anything else! At least that is the only way I can account for the terribly haggard look of most of your pretty women in London!

sir robert chiltern

What an appalling philosophy that sounds! To attempt to classify you, Mrs. Cheveley, would be an ·13· impertinence. But may I ask, at heart, are you an optimist or a pessimist? Those seem to be the only two fashionable religions left to us nowadays.

mrs. cheveley

Oh, I’m neither. Optimism begins in a broad grin, and Pessimism ends with blue spectacles. Besides, they are both of them merely poses.

sir robert chiltern

You prefer to be natural?

mrs. cheveley

Sometimes. But it is such a very difficult pose to keep up.

sir robert chiltern

What would those modern psychological novelists, of whom we hear so much, say to such a theory as that?

mrs. cheveley

Ah! the strength of women comes from the fact that psychology cannot explain us. Men can be analyzed, women … merely adored.

sir robert chiltern

You think science cannot grapple with the problem of women?

·14· mrs. cheveley

Science can never grapple with the irrational. That is why it has no future before it, in this world.

sir robert chiltern

And women represent the irrational.

mrs. cheveley

Well-dressed women do.

sir robert chiltern

[ With a polite bow .] I fear I could hardly agree with you there. But do sit down. And now tell me, what makes you leave your brilliant Vienna for our gloomy London—or perhaps the question is indiscreet?

mrs. cheveley

Questions are never indiscreet. Answers sometimes are.

sir robert chiltern

Well, at any rate, may I know if it is politics or pleasure?

mrs. cheveley

Politics are my only pleasure. You see nowadays it is not fashionable to flirt till one is forty, or to be romantic till one is forty-five, so we poor ·15· women who are under thirty, or say we are, have nothing open to us but politics or philanthropy. And philanthropy seems to me to have become simply the refuge of people who wish to annoy their fellow-creatures. I prefer politics. I think they are more … becoming!

sir robert chiltern

A political life is a noble career!

mrs. cheveley

Sometimes. And sometimes it is a clever game, Sir Robert. And sometimes it is a great nuisance.

sir robert chiltern

Which do you find it?

mrs. cheveley

I? A combination of all three. [ Drops her fan .]

sir robert chiltern

[ Picks up fan .] Allow me!

mrs. cheveley

Thanks.

sir robert chiltern

But you have not told me yet what makes you ·16· honour London so suddenly. Our season is almost over.

mrs. cheveley

Oh! I don’t care about the London season! It is too matrimonial. People are either hunting for husbands, or hiding from them. I wanted to meet you. It is quite true. You know what a woman’s curiosity is. Almost as great as a man’s! I wanted immensely to meet you, and … to ask you to do something for me.

sir robert chiltern

I hope it is not a little thing, Mrs. Cheveley. I find that little things are so very difficult to do.

mrs. cheveley

[ After a moment’s reflection .] No, I don’t think it is quite a little thing.

sir robert chiltern

I am so glad. Do tell me what it is.

mrs. cheveley

Later on. [ Rises .] And now may I walk through your beautiful house? I hear your pictures are charming. Poor Baron Arnheim—you remember the Baron?—used to tell me you had some wonderful Corots [ E:Corots.]

·17· sir robert chiltern

[ With an almost imperceptible start .] Did you know Baron Arnheim well?

mrs. cheveley

[ Smiling .] Intimately. Did you?

sir robert chiltern

At one time.

mrs. cheveley

Wonderful man, wasn’t he?

sir robert chiltern

[ After a pause .] He was very remarkable, in many ways.

mrs. cheveley

I often think it such a pity he never wrote his memoirs. They would have been most interesting.

sir robert chiltern

Yes: he knew men and cities well, like the old Greek.

mrs. cheveley

Without the dreadful disadvantage of having a Penelope waiting at home for him.

·18· mason

Lord Goring.

[ Enter Lord Goring. Thirty-four, but always says he is younger. A well-bred, expressionless face. He is clever, but would not like to be thought so. A flawless dandy, he would be annoyed if he were considered romantic. He plays with life, and is on perfectly good terms with the world. He is fond of being misunderstood. It gives him a post of vantage .]

sir robert chiltern

Good evening, my dear Arthur! Mrs. Cheveley, allow me to introduce to you Lord Goring, the idlest man in London.

mrs. cheveley

I have met Lord Goring before.

lord goring

[ Bowing .] I did not think you would remember me, Mrs. Cheveley.

mrs. cheveley

My memory is under admirable control. And are you still a bachelor?

lord goring

I … believe so.

·19· mrs. cheveley

How very romantic!

lord goring