Knowledge house - Oscar Wilde - The Complete Works

lord darlington

[ Smiling .] Ah! you are beginning to reform me. It is a dangerous thing to reform any one, Lady Windermere.

[ Bows, and exit C .

duchess of berwick

[ Who has risen, goes C .] What a charming, wicked creature! I like him so much. I’m quite ·16· delighted he’s gone! How sweet you’re looking! Where do you get your gowns? And now I must tell you how sorry I am for you, dear Margaret. [ Crosses to sofa and sits with Lady Windermere .] Agatha darling!

lady agatha

Yes, mamma. [ Rises .]

duchess of berwick

Will you go and look over the photograph album that I see there?

lady agatha

Yes, mamma. [ Goes to table up L .]

duchess of berwick

Dear girl! She is so fond of photographs of Switzerland. Such a pure taste, I think. But I really am so sorry for you, Margaret.

lady windermere

[ Smiling .] Why, Duchess?

duchess of berwick

Oh, on account of that horrid woman. She dresses so well, too, which makes it much worse, sets such a dreadful example. Augustus—you know my disreputable brother—such a trial to us all—well, Augustus is completely infatuated about her. It is quite scandalous, for she is absolutely inadmissible into society. Many a woman has a ·17· past, but I am told that she has at least a dozen, and that they all fit.

lady windermere

Whom are you talking about, Duchess?

duchess of berwick

About Mrs. Erlynne.

lady windermere

Mrs. Erlynne? I never heard of her, Duchess. And what has she to do with me?

duchess of berwick

My poor child! Agatha, darling!

lady agatha

Yes, mamma.

duchess of berwick

Will you go out on the terrace and look at the sunset?

lady agatha

Yes, mamma.

[ Exit through window L .

duchess of berwick

Sweet girl! So devoted to sunsets! Shows such refinement of feeling, does it not? After all, there is nothing like Nature, is there?

·18· lady windermere

But what is it, Duchess? Why do you talk to me about this person?

duchess of berwick

Don’t you really know? I assure you we’re all so distressed about it. Only last night at dear Lady Jansen’s every one was saying how extraordinary it was that, of all men in London, Windermere should behave in such a way.

lady windermere

My husband—what has he got to do with any woman of that kind?

duchess of berwick

Ah, what indeed, dear? That is the point. He goes to see her continually, and stops for hours at a time, and while he is there she is not at home to any one. Not that many ladies call on her, dear, but she has a great many disreputable men friends—my own brother particularly, as I told you—and that is what makes it so dreadful about Windermere. We looked upon him as being such a model husband, but I am afraid there is no doubt about it. My dear nieces—you know the Saville girls, don’t you?—such nice domestic creatures—plain, dreadfully plain, but so good—well, they’re always at the window doing fancy work, and making ugly things for the poor, which I think so useful of them in these dreadful socialistic days, and this terrible woman has taken a house in ·19· Curzon Street, right opposite them—such a respectable street, too. I don’t know what we’re coming to! And they tell me that Windermere goes there four and five times a week—they see him. They can’t help it—and although they never talk scandal, they—well, of course—they remark on it to every one. And the worst of it all is that I have been told that this woman has got a great deal of money out of somebody, for it seems that she came to London six months ago without anything at all to speak of, and now she has this charming house in Mayfair, drives her ponies in the Park every afternoon and all—well, all—since she has known poor dear Windermere.

lady windermere

Oh, I can’t believe it!

duchess of berwick

But it’s quite true, my dear. The whole of London knows it. That is why I felt it was better to come and talk to you, and advise you to take Windermere away at once to Homburg or to Aix, where he’ll have something to amuse him, and where you can watch him all day long. I assure you, my dear, that on several occasions after I was first married, I had to pretend to be very ill, and was obliged to drink the most unpleasant mineral waters, merely to get Berwick out of town. He was so extremely susceptible. Though I am bound to say he never gave away any large sums of money to anybody. He is far too high-principled for that!

·20· lady windermere

[ Interrupting .] Duchess, Duchess, it’s impossible! [ Rising and crossing stage to C .] We are only married two years. Our child is but six months old. [ Sits in chair R. of L. table .]

duchess of berwick

Ah, the dear pretty baby! How is the little darling? Is it a boy or a girl? I hope a girl—Ah, no, I remember it’s a boy! I’m so sorry. Boys are so wicked. My boy is excessively immoral. You wouldn’t believe at what hours he comes home. And he’s only left Oxford a few months—I really don’t know what they teach them there.

lady windermere

Are all men bad?

duchess of berwick

Oh, all of them, my dear, all of them, without any exception. And they never grow any better. Men become old, but they never become good.

lady windermere

Windermere and I married for love.

duchess of berwick

Yes, we begin like that. It was only Berwick’s brutal and incessant threats of suicide that made me accept him at all, and before the year was out, ·21· he was running after all kinds of petticoats, every colour, every shape, every material. In fact, before the honeymoon was over, I caught him winking at my maid, a most pretty, respectable girl. I dismissed her at once without a character.—No, I remember I passed her on to my sister; poor dear Sir George is so short-sighted, I thought it wouldn’t matter. But it did, though—it was most unfortunate. [ Rises .] And now, my dear child, I must go, as we are dining out. And mind you don’t take this little aberration of Windermere’s too much to heart. Just take him abroad, and he’ll come back to you all right.

lady windermere

Come back to me? [ C .]

duchess of berwick

[ L.C .] Yes, dear, these wicked women get our husbands away from us, but they always come back, slightly damaged, of course. And don’t make scenes, men hate them!

lady windermere

It is very kind of you, Duchess, to come and tell me all this. But I can’t believe that my husband is untrue to me.

duchess of berwick

Pretty child! I was like that once. Now I know that all men are monsters. [ Lady Windermere rings bell .] The only thing to do is to feed ·22· the wretches well. A good cook does wonders, and that I know you have. My dear Margaret, you are not going to cry?

lady windermere

You needn’t be afraid, Duchess, I never cry.

duchess of berwick

That’s quite right, dear. Crying is the refuge of plain women but the ruin of pretty ones. Agatha, darling!

lady agatha

[ Entering L .] Yes, mamma. [ Stands back of table L.C .]

duchess of berwick

Come and bid good-bye to Lady Windermere, and thank her for your charming visit. [ Coming down again .] And by the way, I must thank you for sending a card to Mr. Hopper—he’s that rich young Australian people are taking such notice of just at present. His father made a great fortune by selling some kind of food in circular tins—most palatable, I believe—I fancy it is the thing the servants always refuse to eat. But the son is quite interesting. I think he’s attracted by dear Agatha’s clever talk. Of course, we should be very sorry to lose her, but I think that a mother who doesn’t part with a daughter every season has no real affection. We’re coming to-night, dear. [ Parker opens C. doors .] And remember my advice, ·23· take the poor fellow out of town at once, it is the only thing to do. Good-bye, once more; come, Agatha.