Knowledge house - Oscar Wilde - The Complete Works

lady windermere

Nothing in the whole world would induce me.

lord windermere

[ Crossing to bureau .] Then I will! [ Rings electric bell, sits and writes card .]

lady windermere

You are going to invite this woman? [ Crossing to him .]

lord windermere

Yes.

[ Pause. Enter Parker .

Parker!

·32· parker

Yes, my lord. [ Comes down L.C .]

lord windermere

Have this note sent to Mrs. Erlynne at No. 84 a Curzon Street. [ Crossing to L.C. and giving note to Parker .] There is no answer!

[ Exit Parker C .

lady windermere

Arthur, if that woman comes here, I shall insult her.

lord windermere

Margaret, don’t say that.

lady windermere

I mean it.

lord windermere

Child, if you did such a thing, there’s not a woman in London who wouldn’t pity you.

lady windermere

There is not a good woman in London who would not applaud me. We have been too lax. We must make an example. I propose to begin to-night. [ Picking up fan .] Yes, you gave me this fan to-day; it was your birthday present. If that woman crosses my threshold, I shall strike her across the face with it.

·33· lord windermere

Margaret, you couldn’t do such a thing.

lady windermere

You don’t know me! [ Moves R .]

[ Enter Parker .

Parker!

parker

Yes, my lady.

lady windermere

I shall dine in my own room. I don’t want dinner, in fact. See that everything is ready by half-past ten. And, Parker, be sure you pronounce the names of the guests very distinctly to-night. Sometimes you speak so fast that I miss them. I am particularly anxious to hear the names quite clearly, so as to make no mistake. You understand, Parker?

parker

Yes, my lady.

lady windermere

That will do!

[ Exit Parker C .

[ Speaking to Lord Windermere .] Arthur, if that woman comes here—I warn you——

·34· lord windermere

Margaret, you’ll ruin us!

lady windermere

Us! From this moment my life is separate from yours. But if you wish to avoid a public scandal, write at once to this woman, and tell her that I forbid her to come here!

lord windermere

I will not—I cannot—she must come!

lady windermere

Then I shall do exactly as I have said. [ Goes R .] You leave me no choice. [ Exit R .

lord windermere

[ Calling after her .] Margaret! Margaret! [ A pause .] My God! What shall I do? I dare not tell her who this woman really is. The shame would kill her. [ Sinks down into a chair and buries his face in his hands .]

Act Drop



·37· SCENE—Drawing-room in Lord Windermere’s house. Door R.U. opening into ball-room, where band is playing. Door L. through which guests are entering. Door L.U. opens on to illuminated terrace. Palms, flowers, and brilliant lights. Room crowded with guests. Lady Windermere is receiving them.

duchess of berwick

[ Up C .] So strange Lord Windermere isn’t here. Mr. Hopper is very late, too. You have kept those five dances for him, Agatha? [ Comes down .]

lady agatha

Yes, mamma.

duchess of berwick

[ Sitting on sofa .] Just let me see your card. I’m so glad Lady Windermere has revived cards.—They’re a mother’s only safeguard. You dear simple little thing! [ Scratches out two names .] No nice girl should ever waltz with such particularly younger sons! It looks so fast! The last ·38· two dances you might pass on the terrace with Mr. Hopper.

[ Enter Mr. Dumby and Lady Plymdale from the ball-room .

lady agatha

Yes, mamma.

duchess of berwick

[ Fanning herself .] The air is so pleasant there.

parker

Mrs. Cowper-Cowper. Lady Stutfield. Sir James Royston. Mr. Guy Berkeley.

[ These people enter as announced .

dumby

Good evening, Lady Stutfield. I suppose this will be the last ball of the season?

lady stutfield

I suppose so, Mr. Dumby. It’s been a delightful season, hasn’t it?

dumby

Quite delightful! Good evening, Duchess. I suppose this will be the last ball of the season?

duchess of berwick

I suppose so, Mr. Dumby. It has been a very dull season, hasn’t it?

·39· dumby

Dreadfully dull! Dreadfully dull!

mrs. cowper-cowper

Good evening, Mr. Dumby. I suppose this will be the last ball of the season?

dumby

Oh, I think not. There’ll probably be two more. [ Wanders back to Lady Plymdale .]

parker

Mr. Rufford. Lady Jedburgh and Miss Graham. Mr. Hopper.

[ These people enter as announced .

hopper

How do you do, Lady Windermere? How do you do, Duchess? [ Bows to Lady Agatha .]

duchess of berwick

Dear Mr. Hopper, how nice of you to come so early. We all know how you are run after in London.

hopper

Capital place, London! They are not nearly so exclusive in London as they are in Sydney.

duchess of berwick

Ah! we know your value, Mr. Hopper. We ·40· wish there were more like you. It would make life so much easier. Do you know, Mr. Hopper, dear Agatha and I are so much interested in Australia. It must be so pretty with all the dear little kangaroos flying about. Agatha has found it on the map. What a curious shape it is! Just like a large packing case. However, it is a very young country, isn’t it?

hopper

Wasn’t it made at the same time as the others, Duchess?

duchess of berwick

How clever you are, Mr. Hopper. You have a cleverness quite of your own. Now I mustn’t keep you.

hopper

But I should like to dance with Lady Agatha, Duchess.

duchess of berwick

Well, I hope she has a dance left. Have you a dance left, Agatha?

lady agatha

Yes, mamma.

duchess of berwick

The next one?

·41· lady agatha

Yes, mamma.

hopper

May I have the pleasure? [ Lady Agatha bows .]

duchess of berwick

Mind you take great care of my little chatterbox, Mr. Hopper.

[ Lady Agatha and Mr. Hopper pass into ball-room .]

[ Enter Lord Windermere L .

lord windermere

Margaret, I want to speak to you.

lady windermere

In a moment. [ The music stops .]

parker

Lord Augustus Lorton.

[ Enter Lord Augustus .

lord augustus

Good evening, Lady Windermere.

duchess of berwick

Sir James, will you take me into the ball-room? Augustus has been dining with us to-night. I really have had quite enough of dear Augustus for the moment.

[ Sir James Royston gives the Duchess his arm and escorts her into the ball-room .]

·42· parker

Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Bowden. Lord and Lady Paisley. Lord Darlington.

[ These people enter as announced .

lord augustus

[ Coming up to Lord Windermere .] Want to speak to you particularly, dear boy. I’m worn to a shadow. Know I don’t look it. None of us men do look what we really are. Demmed good thing, too. What I want to know is this. Who is she? Where does she come from? Why hasn’t she got any demmed relations? Demmed nuisance, relations! But they make one so demmed respectable.

lord windermere

You are talking of Mrs. Erlynne, I suppose? I only met her six months ago. Till then, I never knew of her existence.

lord augustus

You have seen a good deal of her since then.

lord windermere

[ Coldly .] Yes, I have seen a good deal of her since then. I have just seen her.