Martin Fieber - He Who Returned

For today she was done with baking, but it was only completed when she had said her daily prayer which she loved so much and which every Jewish child learned from early on. The boys at school, the girls from their mothers. Sarah prayed: “You, Lord, are my shepard. I will suffer no want, you lead me onto green pastures and to fresh waters and you lead me through life safely for the sake of your name. Even if I have to pass through dark valleys, I am not afraid for you Lord are with me and comfort me. You always give my enough bread, you bathe my head with oil and my cup is always full. Happiness and good fortune accompany me in my life and I am allowed to live in your house as long as I live. Amen.”

Miriam had often come over to her lately, in order to bake the bread for both families together with her. Her talks with Miriam were so powerful that she created visions of a better world in the presence of her friend. They often spoke about the greatness of God, about the wonderful love which he gave to humanity. She was not allowed to tell Samuel about this, for according to his opinion, women were not supposed to be concerned with God but rather the household. And especially not her, Sarah, the wife of the rabbi of Nazareth.

Sarah observed her two daughters. She smiled again. She loved Esther just as if she were her own daughter. She was a nice child, but it seemed as if a certain sadness was in her which was not tangible and often hid itself well. For example today, how she was playing with Judith and frolicking with her in the courtyard. The bread was finished, they needed to a few moments of playtime right now.

Sarah didn’t notice Bealja, until he was standing directly in front of her. He bid her farewell and disappeared toward Sepphoris, where he still had to tend to some business. Shortly thereafter Samuel appeared and told her that they would be departing for Ephesus within a few weeks time. He would be informed of the exact date in due time. That was all. Thankfully, for she had no use for his presence at the moment. Then he proceeded to the synagogue, in order to – as Sarah suspected – give an offering of thanks to God. Generally she was full of admiration for her husband, who was a good rabbi. But his hypocrisy and the bad husband and father he was caused her heart to turn to ice toward him. She had learned to protect it long ago. Yet just a few days ago she had had to acknowledge to herself that it had not been completely invulnerable yet. Samuel had never before been that brutal. He had never caused her so much physical pain. Her heart had never been wounded so badly before. She had raised a higher and thicker wall around herself these last few days, which hopefully could not be torn down anymore. She had built in a small door so that her children could always enter her innermost sanctum, as well as Miriam, Jesus and other kind people whom she might meet in the future. But Samuel was never to find a place in her heart again. Now, simply too much had happened for that to ever be allowed again.

∞

“Woman, where is my son?”, Samuel shouted loudly. “Where is Joshua now again?”

“He is playing outside in the alley with Rachel.” Sarah could guess that Samuel wanted to teach him again.

“Tell him that he is supposed to appear here immediately.” Samuel went back into the house while Sarah searched for her son.

After a short period of time Joshua showed up in the house. “You called for me, father?”

“Yes. Since class had to be cancelled today I want us to read together in the scriptures first and then you can do your writing exercises. I don’t want to see you wasting your free time, but rather you ought to keep in mind that only by mastering the art of writing you will be able to gain a good reputation as a scribe later on and become a rabbi..”

Joshua bit his tongue instead of replying.

Samuel fetched his private torah scroll from his chamber. It was not as pretty as the one in the synagogue, but it was well suited for daily use.

“Joshua, what should we read?” It seemed as if Samuel was in a good mood. He had enjoyed the talk with Bealja. He seemed happy about the prospect of leaving Nazareth.

“Let’s read the part from the first book of Moses, where Jacob meets Laban’s daughter Rachel in Charan.” Joshua always associated ‚his’ Rachel with this and then it was easier for him to read the passage because he could vividly imagine the scene. And he could not imagine a more beautiful image than Rachel.

“Good, let’s read that passage, Joshua“. Samuel was amazed again at how easily his son could remember the various name and sections when he concentrated. Charan and Laban were not exactly everyday names and one had to have some talent in order to be able to recall them so readily. Right now he was a little proud how well his son – who after all was only seven years old – was able to remember the history of his ancestors! If only he wouldn’t daydream so often!

Samuel unrolled the torah until he reached aforementioned passage. Joshua read very fluidly and calmly, he rarely had to pause in order to pronounce a difficult word. He loved this chapter, in which Jacob wooed Rachel and had to work for her father for many years. But in the end his patience and humility had paid off.

Today Joshua could concentrate well, even though he would have rather played with the other children. But he relaxed as he reminded himself that he could do that tomorrow again, for his father would not always have time to study with his son.

“Then she became pregnant again and gave birth to a son and said: ‚This time I want to pr .. praise the Lord.’ and thus they called him Judah. She did not have any further children.” The chapter was finished.

“Well done, Joshua.” Samuel was very happy about Joshua’s work today. “Now we will do the writing exercises. I will read a few passages, and you are to write them down. Let us begin.” Samuel knew that it was not allowed to copy from the torah, unless it served the purpose of teaching. If one considered things carefully, this was also a teaching which he was passing on to his son. Hence he was able to ignore the rule this time. After all a future rabbi was in training here, he thought to himself. It was clearly visible that his on would at some point step into his footprints and become the rabbi of Nazareth.

Time always passed quickly, for Joshua also noticed that he was making progress with his writing.. But after another hour he had become tired.

“Joshua, that was enough for today.” Samuel noticed how tired he had become. No wonder, for Joshua had worked for along time with utmost concentration.

“I can tell that you are beginning to make more and more mistakes now. I am happy with your development. We will work together often in the future. I also want you to do your writing exercises when I am gone on occasion for a few days.” Samuel fixed his gaze on Joshua. “An hour every day. If you think I won’t be able to tell, then you are making a big mistake. Don’t even try to trick me. It is important, believe me. You are destined for something greater than tending sheep or harvesting barley. Have you understood?” His voice took on a threatening tone.

“Yes, father.” Joshua had frozen, for he had not expected that tone of voice after having just been praised a moment before.

“I will probably have to spend some time in Jerusalem soon. I will take a look at your exercises in that time. I know how much you can write in an hour.” Satisfied with his cleverness, Samuel smiled. With one last glance at his son he left the room and went over to the synagogue.

Joshua remained seated fro a while and thought about his tough individual lessons with Samuel sadly. On the one hand he was grateful for being able to improve his writing skills more and more, but on the other hand the rules and regulations of his forefathers sometimes seemed to crush him under their weight. Especially this ridiculous ‚hear oh Israel’ with the demand among other things that the tefilin had to be worn on arm and forehead, restricted him so much that it was enough to drive him up the wall. There were strips of parchment containing passages from the torah within the leather cases. As if it would make any difference whether one wore them or not. In this regard he could not comprehend adults and the teachings of his forefathers. Or whether one fastened a capsule with torah passages on parchment on the doorpost or not. What was that supposed to effect? He had to endure the wise-cracks of Simeon for wearing these stupid things. Simeon on the other hand refused to wear them whenever he could. That idiot could not even fasten the tefilin on his arms properly. But the worst thing, and which proved the lack of any effect of those containers, was that the words on parchment could not prevent his father, a man of God, from hitting him and injuring his mother. He had learned that it was his religious duty to respect his father, but in reality he despised him. And that is why God had to be angry at him, Joshua, he thought.