James E. Loehr - Leading with Character

To live a successful life and achieve a meaningful leadership legacy require a deep connection to a purpose focused outside oneself and intentional, ongoing investment in the strengthening of one's character. This book will expose the character vulnerability that lies below the surface in each of us and take you through training exercises designed to strengthen your Character Muscle – or collection of muscles, really – so that vulnerability is vanquished. It will guide you through the most important moments and decisions in your life, critical episodes we may be ill-equipped to manage if we haven't done the character work necessary to meet those moments. Grandiose as it may sound, this book can help you to achieve a personal legacy that will transcend your time on this Earth.

Caren Kenney

Only one kind of leadership can successfully respond to a moral crisis: moral leadership. It's especially in times of crisis that people naturally look to authority for truthful answers, wise guidance, courageous action, and hope.

– Dov Seidman, author of How

Somehow, against all odds, you were born. You were granted the gift of life. The actual probability of your being born is beyond comprehension. Regardless of the jaw-dropping unlikelihood, you made the cut and won the lottery we call life. You are here.

So why you? You had no hand in making it happen. Through no effort of yours, you simply appeared. What have you done with this gift?

Three facts are immutable: You were born. You will die. And between your birth and death is the opportunity for impact.

What is your impact so far? What has happened, for better or worse, because you are here? Have you represented yourself well? Have you proven worthy of the sacred gift?

To help answer such questions, fast-forward to just beyond the end of your life. Even though you have passed away, let's imagine you get to witness a very special happening: your own memorial service. But this service is different in a couple of ways (aside from the most obvious – that you're able to witness it): For one, all of your loved ones and meaningful connections are there, even those who pre-deceased you – family members including parents and grandparents; friends from childhood through old age; coworkers and those above and below you from all your professional endeavors; mentors and mentees; classmates, neighbors, teammates, military brothers and sisters, fellow congregants, local merchants – in short, anyone whose life was touched by yours. And this service is unlike most in another way: Everyone there has been summoned to tell their absolute truth about you. That's not to say that people at non-imaginary funerals don't tell the truth … but let's face it: Some of them don't. They tend to gloss over the not-so-good stuff. And people who might not have glowing things to say about the deceased are often not in attendance.

In the case of this special service that you get to witness, even those who were not so fond of you will be in attendance and invited to speak. Everyone is gathered there to express, with complete frankness, what impact your life had on theirs: what happened to them because of you .

As the attendees reflect, one by one, it becomes clear to you that, despite the fact you are no longer physically present, you endure in their lives in a quite tangible way.

This is your legacy.

Legacy is the trace you leave. Every life leaves a trace, a trace that may exist for generations. Your legacy is the sum total of the impact your life made on the lives of others – and, in many ways, the trace that their life makes on others.

To best comprehend your impact, you listen very carefully to what each person at your funeral says about you. (After all, you're dead, so it's not as if you have something else to do.)

You listen as your mother and father describe what happened to each of them because of you. What was the net effect of your life on theirs?

Next to speak is your partner, spouse, or significant other. What was your impact on and contribution to that relationship? Did he or she feel truly loved and valued? Did he or she get your best energy when you came home at the end of the day, and your full attention when you were together?

If you have children, what is each son or daughter saying as they describe how your influence exists in them, for better or worse? What are they saying about how your life impacted who they are now and what they have become? Are they expressing the belief they are better human beings because of you? What part of your legacy's impact on them are you not proud of? Makes you wince? Makes you sad? Makes you smile or tear up with joy or burst with pride?

Next up: your friends. What do they begin with? Were you always there for them? Did you show compassion for them, and step up and lend a hand when life turned against them? Did you do that all the time or only some of the time? Did you do it only when it was convenient for you or always when it mattered to them? Were you loyal? As they talk, what are the traits that they share that seem to repeat, from one friend to the next to the next? Are the memories they share the ones you would have guessed?

Last to speak are all those associated with your life at work. It's a big lineup. Bosses, clients, direct reports, co-workers, assistants, support staff, and so on. Even valets, janitors, and security will be asked to remember. Each one will describe your impact on them individually, how you treated them in good times and bad, even when you were stressed, tired, or unhappy. Listen as they speak about your respectfulness, your kindness, your generosity. What does each have to say about your integrity, your honesty, your trustworthiness? How often do they comment on your humility, your moral courage, your empathy?

It's interesting, isn't it, that as all these people describe your legacy, not a single one, from any part of your life, spends significant time referencing your intelligence, titles, competence, wealth, power, achievements, academic credentials, or celebrity. From all they say, it's clear that what mattered most was simply your treatment of them, and your treatment of those who mattered to them. For each person whose life you touched, your legacy was not about your money but your kindness; not about your prominence or even fame but your integrity; not about your intelligence but your caring and respect.

That simple, undeniable, profound truth is the purpose of this book. Leading with Character establishes the true meaning of legacy, connecting it directly to your ethical and moral character. Ethics typically refers to a set or code of guidelines that define accepted practices and behavior for a certain group. Morality refers to the judgment as to whether an action is right or wrong. The two words will be used interchangeably throughout the book. Leading with Character provides a practical, daily pathway for you to build character – and, just as important in our complicated and harsh world, it provides protection against regular and formidable onslaughts.

After reflecting on all the feedback you may have received from individuals in every dimension of your life, how do you rate yourself on your character/legacy scorecard? This book was written to help current and future leaders excel on this scorecard, the scale of measurement that matters most in life.

Based on the decades I have spent studying character and legacy, and nearly 30 years coaching and training global leaders at the Institute, here are some truths we have learned:

The morality system shared by leaders – virtually all leaders – is deeply flawed, placing their legacy at serious risk.

Most leaders have very little idea just how much the moral grounding of their judgments and decision-making is often contaminated, hijacked, or corrupted (often all three).