Joseph O’Connor - Leading With NLP - Essential Leadership Skills for Influencing and Managing People

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Title Page LEADING WITH NLP ESSENTIAL LEADERSHIP SKILLS FOR INFLUENCING AND MANAGING PEOPLE Joseph O’Connor

INTRODUCTION: THE LEADER’S JOURNEY

1 STARTING THE JOURNEY

first steps

vision

sharing your vision

leaders in perspective

2 LEADERSHIP SUBSTANCE, STYLE AND SHADOW

the three pillars of leadership

leadership style

the shadow side

pacing and leading

your leadership credentials

3 VISION AND VALUES

values

organizational vision

4 ON THE ROAD

motivation

rewards and penalties

values and integrity

signposts to the future

reluctance

the dark side of change

5 GUIDES AND RULES OF THE ROAD

mentors

unpacking skills

leaders and losers

balancing task and relationship

the rules of the road

roman law and common law

learning

solutions and resolutions

organizational learning

6 GAMES AND GUARDIANS

rules, laws and boundaries

trust

the prisoner’s dilemma

games and meta games

beliefs and assumptions

the channel of experience

7 CHANGE AND CHALLENGE

systems thinking

perspectives

cause and effect

thinking in circles

boundaries and horizons

blame and responsibility

change and balance

scylla and charybdis

the edge of chaos

the power law

8 CONCLUSION

RESOURCES

training and consultancy

Bibliography

Index

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Also by the Author

Copyright

About the Publisher

Two people died in the same week in August 1997, Princess Diana in Paris and Mother Teresa in Calcutta. They could hardly have been more different on the surface. Princess Diana was rich, famous, beautiful and controversial. Mother Teresa was an elderly Albanian nun who slept on a hard bed and worked with the poor and sick on the streets of Calcutta. Yet both touched people’s hearts; they were loved and respected as well as being international figures. They were leaders. When they died, people who had never met them mourned them. Why?

Because both were not perfect icons but real people with human frailties that others could identify with. They were like us, yet they expressed something of the best in us – something of what we are and could be. These two people were in the public eye, like many others we regard as leaders – politicians, artists, musicians and businessmen – but leadership is more than a job description. Leadership is a way of acting and a way of being that we all can have, not something ‘out there’, something for other, famous people. At every level leaders have the ability to help people, express their hopes and carry their fears. I would like this book to demystify leadership, taking it down from its high pedestal and making it a natural part of life.

In the past, leaders were the rich, the powerful and the famous, great kings, warlords, scientists and thinkers, outstanding artists or craftsmen, or giants of commerce. Literature and history hold them up as examples and it seems we can only aspire to be pale copies. Over the twentieth century there has been a profound democratization in almost every aspect of human life, except leadership. At first sight this seems to make sense – after all, we can’t all be leaders, can we? No. Not if we continue to accept a narrow definition of leadership based on power, high profile and wide authority.

Let us reclaim leadership to its original meaning: taking a path or going on a journey. Leadership is the journey itself, the activity, not the destination – a stimulating and fulfilling journey where planning and preparation are also important and enjoyable in their own right.

I see leadership skills as the most important resource we have to develop to deal with the capricious times in which we live. That we live in times of rapid change is a truism – we have to adapt to the sort of breakneck changes in one lifetime that previously would have taken generations. In the world of business, markets and strategies change fast. We are on a high-technology carousel that never seems to slow down. The carousel spins with bewildering speed as we strive to deal with the present and shape the future but with systems and organizations designed to cope with the past. We have more information, but knowledge – information that matters and makes a difference – is as hard as ever to acquire. We take a sieve to the torrent of information that drenches us every day and hope to catch something of value.

How can we pin down leadership, one of the most talked about and written about subjects in business? Is it charisma? Influence? Inspiration? Stewardship? Yes. It may be. Because the reason you set out on your journey, your chosen destination, who you travel with and how you travel may all vary. That’s what is so infuriating and valuable about leadership. There are many roads, many destinations and many ways to travel.

So why learn to be a leader? To be involved in what really matters to you. To be able to do what inspires and moves you. To have companions on your journey. In any area where you want more influence you must be a leader.

Leadership has a paradox at its centre – while greatly prized, you cannot grab it for yourself directly. It is a gift which can only be given by others. Being a leader has no meaning without others who choose to travel with you. A leader all alone is like the sound of one hand clapping.

So this book represents a journey in three senses. First it has travellers’ tales from leaders on their path. What was it like for them? What did they find? Where are the pitfalls and the dragons on the path? What essential travel equipment do we need? These tales come from all over the world. Secondly, this book is a practical tour guide for you to prepare in your imagination what you want to do in reality. Thirdly, this book is itself a journey. I have a plan and a vision of what it will be about and what it will do. I have my map, but the writing has a momentum and direction of its own and right now I do not know exactly what route we will take. I know where we need to arrive, but there are many fascinating sights to see, sounds to hear and places to explore on the way. We do not know what exactly we shall find in them and there may be some unscheduled stops on the way.

This is a personal view of leadership. For me, three areas of leadership stand out: self–development, influencing and communication skills, and systemic thinking.

First, being a leader means developing yourself. You need to be strong and resourceful in order to make the journey. As you become a leader, you find resources in yourself you did not know you had. You become more yourself, because a leader’s greatest influence comes from who they are, what they do and the example they set. Secondly, a leader inspires others to join them on the road, so leadership involves communication and influencing skills. Otherwise you are a lone traveller, not a leader. Thirdly, a leader must look towards their destination, as well as paying attention to where they have been and where they are. Without such a road map, however strong they may be and however many companions they may have, they may get lost down a cul-de-sac or stuck in a swamp. A leader needs to understand the system they are part of, to see beyond the obvious, beyond the immediate situation, to sense how events connect to deeper patterns. So leadership is a combination of who you are, the skills and talents you have, and your understanding of the situation or the context you are in. While these elements are universal, you will put the pieces together in a way unique to you.