Catherine Miller - All That Is Left Of Us

So the weekend after the Geoffrey is not Elvis saga, Dawn took a step back. She watched from the bench just across from him. He did his headcount of the family as usual, then took a note of each of them, meticulously keeping a record of what each meerkat was up to that particular Saturday. At the end of Archie’s study, he would come to her and file away his findings in her handbag, ready for the next week. It was an altogether happier arrangement for both of them and, as the weeks went on, Dawn felt reassured enough to bring her sketchpad along to jot down rough designs and ideas so they were both occupied.

Glancing over at him now, his gangly limbs similar to her own, Dawn could tell he was making a note of which meerkats had eaten, who’d scrapped with who and who’d taken their turn at lookout. She doubted the zoo kept such thorough records as the ones her son did. If they were ever in need of a backup, the bookcase of notepads Archie had would certainly help.

Someone sat next to her on the bench. Why was it, when the zoo was full of places to sit, someone would choose to come and park next to her?

‘Not popped yet, then?’

Dawn turned to see who was talking. It was Caitlin, her husband in the distance, rocking their pram.

‘You can’t be here.’ The words escaped before she was able to stop them. She didn’t want to connect the past with the present. There were good reasons for keeping Archie’s father a secret and she didn’t want to introduce anyone who might connect the dots.

‘Pardon?’

‘Sorry.’ She’d not meant to come across as rude. ‘It’s just my son has a hard time meeting new people and being out of routine.’

Dawn watched Caitlin catch sight of Archie in the distance, just as Dawn had easily spotted Caitlin’s husband.

‘Should I go?’

‘He just needs his routine.’ Dawn didn’t know how to explain it without giving an actual demonstration of why it was best to stick to Archie’s boundaries.

‘I’ll go then.’

This wasn’t how she’d wanted this to happen, but then she’d been caught unawares. She should never have mentioned the fact they came to the zoo. ‘He’s normally better if he knows when he’s going to meet new people. Maybe after the baby we can sort something out.’

Out of the corner of Dawn’s eye she saw Archie stop his note-taking to get up and speak to the keeper, contradicting everything she was saying about meeting new people.

‘I’ll be in touch another time, then?’ Caitlin got up to leave.

‘Another time,’ Dawn said, too distracted by Archie’s interaction with someone she didn’t know to focus on any goodbyes with Caitlin.

The keeper was new. This was only the third time she’d seen him and, for all her talk of him not taking to change, Archie appeared to be happily chatting to this guy. Caitlin would think she’d made up what she’d said as an excuse.

She hoped she hadn’t come across as rude. She was too busy concentrating on Archie as he had a tic. It was all it took for her to know he might be irritated and any second now she might have to intervene. Archie freaking out was never a pretty sight.

Somehow, rather than go into meltdown, Archie was now opening his notepad and showing the keeper, obviously giving him a rundown of everything he needed to know. If Archie was happy to share his notes, the keeper was likely to be stuck there for some time.

Dawn attempted to get back to the sketch she hadn’t started, but really she was keeping a close eye on what was happening. Archie was pointing into the enclosure, then referring to his book, the keeper concentrating on every detail. The knowledge Archie was sharing was as in-depth as any zoologist’s. She was glad to see someone might be finding that information useful.

Archie was only halfway through the notebook and, as he seemed so happy with a captivated audience, it would be a shame to ruin the moment, so she left them to it for a while longer.

As the bench became more and more uncomfortable, Dawn decided to get up for a stretch and waddled in Archie’s direction to check he was okay. Or if the keeper needed to escape.

‘Gosh, that bench is uncomfortable,’ Dawn said, as a way of interrupting their chatter.

‘This is my mum,’ Archie introduced her. ‘She can’t tell who any of them are.’

‘Well, it is pretty complicated. Hi there!’ The keeper waved. He must have been around forty and was a tad old to be sporting dreadlocks, but he seemed friendly enough.

‘Mum is going to have a baby, but we can’t keep it.’

It was nice to know her son was as eloquent as ever. ‘My name’s Dawn,’ she said, somehow preferring her version of introductions.

‘Hello, Dawn. I’m Joel, and so far I can tell you who Elvis and Evelyn are. You’ll have to give me a bit longer to figure out the rest.’

‘He’s going to photocopy my notes if that’s okay, Mum?’

‘Of course.’ It was nice to think that Archie’s obsession would actually be useful for someone.

It was only the following day, when they were heading to David and Rebekah’s house for Sunday lunch, that she realised it was the first time Archie had initiated communication with someone off his own back. People would often talk to him, but that didn’t mean he would ever reply, not without a lot of persuasion over several meetings. It was refreshing to think it had happened without her intervention.

When they arrived Rebekah embraced Dawn and held on to her for longer than was comfortable, but she got that it wasn’t just her she was hugging. ‘Any signs that today’s the day?’

‘Nope. Honestly, I’ll let you know as soon as I have the slightest suspicion.’

‘Hey, sis,’ David greeted her from the kitchen where he was putting the finishing touches to dinner. Roast beef if her sense of smell was anything to go by. That was one bonus of her current status. Most of the time it was her cooking their Sunday roasts while Archie saw to his pet, Norman the tarantula. It was always David and Rebekah coming to their flat, but the more pregnant she became, the more they realised she needed a rest rather than cooking dinner for all four of them. So, with gentle persuasion, Archie had allowed a change of venue until the baby arrived.

‘The nursery is finished now. Do you want to come and see?’

Archie wouldn’t be interested, so Dawn sent him off to be entertained by Uncle David while she followed Rebekah up the stairs. The house was semi-detached with four bedrooms, so they had ample space for an extra addition. The house was pristine and in every empty corner there seemed to be a sense of waiting. Wanting, even.

‘We’re pretty much finished. Obviously Junior will be in with us at first, but I’ve got a fold-out bed for the nursery if I need it for when David goes back to work.’

In the nursery everything was perfect. They’d gone with a jungle theme so it was stone-coloured walls with those clever stickers that meant colour was added in moments. There were giraffes and lions and everything matched. The curtain material, the bed lining, even the nappy bin, were adorned with a sticker to fit in with the rest of the furniture.

It wasn’t anything like how it had been when Archie arrived. After securing the flat, it was David who’d sourced all the second-hand furniture and non-matching fittings. It was flung together rather than planned like this space was.

Dawn wanted to look in the wardrobe. She wanted to admire the tiny neutral outfits she knew were waiting in there, but just seeing the room was enough to know this child was so wanted and would be so loved.

It was nice to see that, now the day was nearly upon them, they were starting to embrace the idea of parenthood being only a few steps away. And it was hard to see how much better off this little one would be compared to all the second-hand stuff she’d always needed to get Archie. But then this wasn’t just about fulfilling Rebekah and David’s dream; it was also giving her the chance to achieve her own. With the maternity leave she was entitled to, she would have the opportunity to turn her artistic skills into a more practical job. Her artwork had been spotted by the local tattoo artist and he’d offered her an unpaid apprenticeship, one she never thought she would be able to take advantage of. But for once in life the planets seemed to have aligned, and helping out her brother was allowing her the chance to do the training. She was hoping to bolster her TA wage with some extra part-time work once she was finished. If it all worked out well, hopefully, in the end, it would provide a better future for her son. She just needed to work out if it was the right thing for her.