Cathy Glass - Daddy’s Little Princess

‘I’ll put him under my pillow,’ Beth said. ‘That’s what I did when my daddy was in hospital before.’

‘Oh, when was that?’ I asked. I wasn’t aware Derek had been in hospital before.

‘About a year ago, I think,’ Beth said, kissing the photograph and then sliding it under her pillow. ‘He had to have an operation on his tummy. It was called ernie. When he came home he wasn’t allowed to lift anything heavy.’

‘That would be a hernia,’ I said. ‘So who looked after you while your daddy was in hospital?’

‘Marianne,’ she said, pulling a face. ‘She stays at our flat sometimes. She’s horrible. I hate her.’ It was the first time I’d seen Beth scowl. ‘She loved my daddy, but he didn’t love her. He sent her away. It’s much, much better with just the two of us. I love my daddy and he loves me.’

‘I know, love.’

The following evening, Friday, John returned home for the weekend. As soon as Adrian and Paula heard his key in the front door they rushed down the hall with shouts of ‘Daddy! Daddy’s home!’

I stayed in the living room where I was listening to Beth read as John let himself in and then hugged and kissed Adrian and Paula. ‘We’re in here!’ I called from the living room.

John came into the living room, an arm around Adrian and Paula, and I kissed him and introduced Beth. John knew that Beth was staying; I’d told him when he’d telephoned the evening before. John was as committed to fostering as I was, but now he was working away he could only help at weekends.

‘Hi, Beth,’ he said. ‘How are you settling in?’

‘My daddy’s ill in hospital,’ Beth said. ‘I miss him.’

‘I’m sure you do,’ John said. ‘But the doctors will make him better.’

John sat on the sofa with Adrian beside him and Paula on his lap, making a fuss of the children and generally catching up on their news. Beth was sitting beside me and I saw her expression change and grow gloomy. I could guess why. Now that John was home, the children’s situation was reversed: Adrian and Paula had their daddy with them, which highlighted that Beth’s father was absent. I would try to make it up to her by giving her extra attention.

John ate his dinner with Adrian and Paula seated at the table watching him, while I read Beth a story in the living room. Once John had eaten we played a game together and then I suggested to Beth that she might like to come and help me put Paula to bed. I thought it would give her something to focus on and it would also be nice for Adrian to have some one-to-one time with his father. But Beth didn’t want to come. She said she wanted to stay in the living room, so I left her with John and Adrian. Twenty minutes or so later when I came down to tell John that Paula was in bed and ready for a goodnight kiss, Beth was on the sofa snuggled into John’s side. Adrian, sitting upright, was on the other side of him. Both children were gazing at the book John had open on his lap and was reading from. I told John that Paula was ready for her goodnight kiss and Beth said to John: ‘Do you have to go?’ Taking hold of his arm she snuggled closer into his side.

John hesitated.

‘Yes, he does,’ I said.

‘I won’t be long,’ John said, and gently moved Beth away.

I’d discovered early on in fostering that it was very important (but not always easy) to get the balance right between the attention we gave our own children and those we fostered, to ensure that everyone felt loved, cherished and special.

That night, as I tucked Beth into bed, she asked if John could give her a goodnight kiss, as he had with Paula. ‘Yes, of course,’ I said without hesitation. I called to John, who was in Adrian’s room.

John came into Beth’s bedroom, said goodnight and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

‘Thank you,’ she said sweetly.

‘You’re welcome,’ John said, and I could tell he thought that Beth was as sweet and uncomplicated as I did.

That weekend was bitterly cold and on Saturday we mainly stayed indoors. The children played – sometimes together, sometimes separately and sometimes with John or me. I thought that early afternoon was probably a good time for Beth to telephone her father, so after lunch I left John, Adrian and Paula in the living room and I took Beth to use the telephone in the main bedroom where it would be quieter. Beth perched on the edge of my bed and waited as I dialled the number for the hospital and then asked for Ward 3. Once I was through to the ward I gave my name, explained who I was and that Beth would like to speak to her father, Derek.

‘Just a minute,’ the nurse said. The telephone clunked as it was set down. There was a wait of a minute or so and then the telephone was picked up and a male voice said: ‘Hello, Beth, is that you?’

‘Derek, it’s Cathy,’ I said. ‘Beth’s foster carer. Beth is here beside me.’

‘Oh, thank you so much,’ Derek said. ‘Thank you for phoning. That is kind of you. I can’t begin to tell you how much I’m missing Beth.’ Softly spoken, his voice broke. I could hear the emotion in his voice and my eyes immediately filled.

‘I’ll put her on now,’ I said. I passed the telephone to Beth.

‘Hello, Daddy,’ Beth said in a small voice. ‘When are you coming home?’

‘Soon, baby,’ I heard him say. ‘As soon as I can, my princess. But Daddy’s not well right now. I have to get better first.’

‘How long until you get better, Daddy?’ Beth asked. ‘I miss you so much.’

‘I miss you too, princess. Every minute of the day. Have you been to school?’

‘Yes. Cathy took me.’

‘Good. Thank her for me.’

Beth lowered the telephone and, looking at me with round, sad eyes, said: ‘My daddy says thank you.’

‘That’s OK,’ I said, loud enough for Derek to hear.

‘How long before you can come home, Daddy?’ Beth asked again.

‘Soon, princess. As soon as I’m better,’ Derek said.

‘What’s the matter with you, Daddy?’ Beth now asked.

Derek fell silent and I thought it was a difficult question to answer – to explain mental health to a young child.

‘Things have been getting on top of me,’ he said after a moment, his voice trembling. ‘I keep crying. You saw me. That was wrong. It made you cry too.’

‘I know. I don’t like seeing you cry, Daddy. It makes me upset. I wish you were here with me and I could make you better.’

It went quiet again, and then Beth said: ‘Don’t cry, Daddy. Please don’t cry.’

I heard a stifled sob on the other end of the telephone and then Beth passed the telephone to me. ‘Daddy wants to speak to you.’

I took the phone. I could hear Derek’s muffled sobs. ‘It’s Cathy,’ I said gently. ‘Try not to upset yourself. Beth’s fine. I’m looking after her.’

‘I know you are,’ he said, his voice catching. ‘But I can’t talk to her right now. Hearing her little voice is too upsetting for me. Can you telephone me tomorrow, please? I promise I won’t cry.’

I swallowed hard; the poor dear man, I thought. ‘Yes, of course we’ll telephone tomorrow. Is this time all right for you?’

‘Any time is good,’ Derek said, his voice faltering again. ‘Thank you. Please give Beth my love. I’ll be all right tomorrow, I promise.’ Unable to say any more, he hung up and the line went dead.

I replaced the receiver and looked at Beth. Her eyes glistened and her bottom lip trembled. I took her in my arms and held her. ‘Daddy is a bit upset,’ I said. ‘But he’ll be all right soon. He said to tell you he loves you lots and we’re to telephone again tomorrow.’

‘I love him too,’ Beth said. ‘So, so much.’

Sometimes, fostering can break your heart.