Cathy Glass - A Life Lost

Certain details in this story, including names, places and dates, have been changed to protect the family’s privacy.

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First published by HarperElement 2021

FIRST EDITION

© Cathy Glass 2021

Cover design Claire Ward © HarperCollins Publishers 2021

Cover photograph © Kelly Sillaste/Trevillion Images (posed by a model)

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

Cathy Glass asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN: 9780008436612

Ebook Edition © February 2021 ISBN: 9780008436629

Version: 2021-01-19

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Page numbers taken from the following print edition: ISBN 9780008436612

A big thank you to my family; my editors, Kelly and Holly; my literary agent, Andrew; my UK publisher HarperCollins; and my overseas publishers, who are now too numerous to list by name. Last, but definitely not least, a big thank you to my readers for your unfailing support and kind words. They are much appreciated.

‘For life and death are one,

even as the river and the sea are one.’

Kahlil Gibran

1 Cover

2 Title Page

3 Copyright

4 Note to Readers

5 Acknowledgements

6 Epigraph

7 Contents

8 Chapter One: A Difficult Start

9 Chapter Two: Tragic

10 Chapter Three: Jackson

11 Chapter Four: Get Into Trouble

12 Chapter Five: A New Day

13 Chapter Six: A Mixed Weekend

14 Chapter Seven: Challenging Behaviour

15 Chapter Eight: On Tenterhooks

16 Chapter Nine: Hard Work

17 Chapter Ten: Another Difficult Evening

18 Chapter Eleven: The Blink of an Eye

19 Chapter Twelve: Abused

20 Chapter Thirteen: Evil

21 Chapter Fourteen: Confused and Upset

22 Chapter Fifteen: Say Goodbye to Mummy

23 Chapter Sixteen: A Long Day

24 Chapter Seventeen: Back at Square One

25 Chapter Eighteen: Decision

26 Chapter Nineteen: Are We Going to Prison?

27 Chapter Twenty: A Worrying Wait

28 Chapter Twenty-One: The Reason I Foster

29 Chapter Twenty-Two: Life After

30 Chapter Twenty-Three: Two Children, Different Needs

31 Chapter Twenty-Four: Because I Didn’t Tell …

32 Chapter Twenty-Five: Another Hurdle Overcome

33 Chapter Twenty-Six: Incident

34 Chapter Twenty-Seven: Connor

35 Chapter Twenty-Eight: Going Home

36 Chapter Twenty-Nine: A Life Lost

37 Suggested topics for reading-group discussion

38 Cathy Glass

39 Moving Memoirs

40 Praise for Cathy Glass

41 About the Publisher

Landmarks CoverFrontmatterStart of ContentBackmatter

List of Pages v vi vii ix 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 282930313233343536373839404142434445464748495051525354555657585960616263646566676869707172737475767778798081828384858687888990919293949596979899100101102103104105106107108109110111112113114115116117118119120121122123124125126127128129130131132133134135136137138139140141142143144145146147148149150151152153154155156157158159160161162163164165166167168169170171172173174175176177178179180181182183184185186187188189190191192193194195196197198199200201202203204205206207208209210211212213214215216217218219220221222223224225226227228229230231232233234235236237238239240241242243244245246247248249250251252253254255256257258259260261262263264265266267268269270271272273274275276277278279280281282283284285286287288289290291292293294295296297298299300301302303304305306307308 309

Chapter One

I knew it was going to be difficult, so I waited until my family had left the house that morning before I began to clear out Lucy’s room. Armed with cardboard boxes, bags, wrapping paper, sticky tape and a good dose of courage, I went upstairs and into her bedroom. Or rather, I should say, what had been her bedroom. Lucy, aged twenty-five, the elder of my two daughters, had moved out and was now living with her partner, Darren, and their baby, Emma. Of course, that’s the natural cycle of life. Children grow up, leave home and start families of their own. Fine in theory, but I wasn’t finding it so easy to accept in practice, even though I saw Lucy often.

She had come to me as a foster child many years before and stayed permanently to become my adopted daughter. We’d been through a lot over the years and now, at very short notice, I was having to clear out the last of her belongings to make room for Jackson, a ten-year-old boy I’d been asked to foster. Lucy had already taken what she needed, so her shelves, drawers and wardrobe contained only those items she didn’t require at present or had grown out of. She’d said a few times she’d come over and sort out her belongings, but she was busy with her baby and I’d told her there was no rush. There hadn’t been a rush until Joy, my supervising social worker (SSW), had told me the day before that they needed to move Jackson from his home very quickly and had asked me to look after him.

My first reaction had been to say no, but as a foster carer that’s very difficult when you’re aware a family is in crisis and a child needs a home quickly. So I’d asked Lucy, my son Adrian, my other daughter Paula and Tilly, the young lady I was already fostering, what they thought about having Jackson stay with us. Lucy had said she was fine about him having her old room, as her home was with Darren now. Adrian, aged twenty-seven, had concerns I might be taking on too much, which I’d secretly thought too. While Paula, aged twenty-three, wasn’t overjoyed we’d be fostering another child with behavioural issues, as we’d had plenty of experience of that before and knew it wasn’t easy. (Jackson’s behaviour was the main reason his mother was putting him into care.) Tilly said yes and offered to help look after him. That was very kind of her, although I doubted she knew what it was like to live with a child who was continually kicking off and challenging you.

So, with no one in my family really objecting, and aware that there was always a shortage of foster carers, I said I would take Jackson. Lucy’s was the only free room, so I now needed to get a move on and clear it, for, if all went according to plan, he would be with us later today.