Cathy Glass - Happy Adults

We are only limited by the extent of our imagination and no act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.

Cover

Title Page

Introduction: Why?

Chapter One: Let Go of Anger

The Turning Point

Chapter Two: Take Responsibility for Your Life

What You Gain from Taking Responsibility

Chapter Three: Think Positively

How to Think Positively

Chapter Four: Act Positively

How to Act Positively

Chapter Five: Develop a Positive Philosophy

Chapter Six: Set Goals and Have a Vision

Goals

How to Set and Achieve Goals

Vision

Chapter Seven: Look After Your Body

Diet

Water

Sleep

Exercise

How Exercise Encourages a Positive Mind

Chapter Eight: Be Body Positive

Body Language

Clothes

General Presentation

Weight

Chapter Nine: Be an Optimist

How to be an Optimist

Chapter Ten: Be Decisive

How to be Decisive

Chapter Eleven: Use Intuition

How to Make the Best of Your Intuition

Chapter Twelve: Create a Positive Environment

Home Environment

How to Live with Others

Work Environment

Chapter Thirteen: Reduce Stress

How Not to Feel Stressed

A Quick De-Stress

Chapter Fourteen: Live in the Present

How to Live in the Present

Chapter Fifteen: Express Your Feelings

How to Express Negative Feelings

Chapter Sixteen: Become Self-Reliant

How to Become More Self-Reliant

Chapter Seventeen: Develop Your Self

An Individual Development Plan

A Simple Guide to Self-Development

Chapter Eighteen: It’s Ok to be Sad (Sometimes)

A Happiness Boost

Conclusion: I O It 2 Me

Remember

Acknowledgements

Copyright

About the Publisher

Why do I think I have found the secret to achieving lasting happiness and contentment? Simply because I know my formula works. I have the proof.

Let me explain.

After the publication of my fostering memoirs, in which I tell the often harrowing stories of the children I’ve looked after, I received thousands of emails and letters from around the world. Some were from readers who had been abused as children and, having found comfort in my books, wanted to share their own stories with me. I often felt truly humbled by their courage – the strength that had allowed them to put their suffering behind them and make a success of their lives. However, although many of these adults had managed to move on from the cruelty of the past – having successful careers, enjoying loving long-term relationships and raising children – others had not.

While I truly sympathized with their ongoing pain, I began to wonder why some survivors of abuse had managed to move on with their lives and others, years later, were still suffering, stuck in a really cruel and frightening place of depression, flashbacks, mental illness, suicide attempts, personality disorders, nightmares and self-harm. Was it just luck, I wondered, that had allowed some people to overcome their suffering and achieve happiness and contentment? Or were there other factors – for example, the extent of the abuse or the amount of time that had elapsed since? I discovered it was nothing like this.

As the emails continued to pour in I also heard from readers who confided that they were unhappy with their lives for no good reason. Having read your books I know I should be grateful for my life but I seem to be fed up, bad tempered and down most of the time was typical of many of these emails.

So what was it? I wondered. What magic wand had been waved over some people’s lives to grant them happiness and contentment, and was this magic available to everyone? Could we all benefit? For even if we haven’t suffered, life can sometimes seem an uphill struggle.

The answer I discovered was yes: there was a magic being worked and it could be available to all. So I began to look more closely to find a way to harness it.

I was soon able to tell from the opening lines of a letter or email into which category a person fell. Something in their language, their positivity or lack of it, said they were happy and contented with life, or the opposite. As the correspondence grew I began to see common threads appearing – in attitude and way of life. The magic was something that often the person was not even consciously aware of but had intuitively stumbled on and followed. So I extracted all the bits that had been proved to work and came up with Happy Adults: a formula for guaranteeing happiness and contentment.

Being angry – at ourselves or others – is responsible for the vast majority of our negative behaviour and feelings. While feeling anger and then letting it go is good for our mental health, hanging on to anger past its ‘use by’ date, or internalizing anger, can produce or aggravate all manner of physical and psychological illnesses – from stomach ulcers and migraines to severe psychosis. There is even evidence to suggest that cancer is more prevalent in people with angry negative dispositions than calmer more positive people, such is the interaction between mind and body.

Having said that, you do have the right to feel angry sometimes, and in some situations it is appropriate and healthy to do so.

It is right to feel angry if you accidentally hurt yourself – for example, cutting your finger while opening a can of beans. Ouch! That hurt! How stupid of me! Then the pain subsides and you let go of the anger and continue with what you were doing.

It is right to feel angry if someone treats you unfairly or unkindly – for example, your boss is highly critical of you in front of a less senior member of staff. Or a less able colleague is promoted over you. How dare he treat me like that!

You will feel angry if you discover a close friend and trusted confidante has been criticizing you behind your back. Wait till I see him! I’ll show him what I think of him!

You will feel anger (and sorrow) if a loved one dies prematurely. It’s not fair: my mum was only thirty-nine. Why did she have to die and leave me?

You will feel angry (and vulnerable) if someone has harmed you – physically or mentally. I didn’t do anything to him. Why me?

It is appropriate to feel angry in all the above situations (and many others like them which crop up as part of normal life), but it is essential to know when to let go of the anger. While no one is likely to still be angry a month after cutting his or her finger on a tin, many of us can still be seething from being humiliated in front of a work colleague or gossiped about by a friend months, even years, after the event. But holding on to anger in this way will gnaw away at your confidence and self-esteem, making you depressed and bitter.

Compare these two extracts from readers’ emails. They are both talking about their mothers.

I’ll never forgive her as long as I live. Although she only lives three miles away I haven’t seen her in nearly twenty years. I won’t have her near my house. My brother sees her so I don’t see him either. I have no family. Ms A.

I wasn’t going to let her ruin my life so I told her I still didn’t understand why she hadn’t believed me, but I was willing to move on. She now visits and sees her grandchildren. They love her dearly. Ms B.

Both of these emails were from women in their mid-thirties. Both had been sexually abused as teenagers by their stepfathers. Both had told their mothers at the time what was happening and neither had been believed. Which of the two had the happier life? The second writer, Ms B. She had instinctively recognized that to hang on to her anger would ‘ruin my life’. She was able to tell her mother that while she would never understand why she hadn’t believed her when she’d told her she was being assaulted, she wanted to put the past behind them. By letting go of her anger, not only was Ms B more contented and happier but she had allowed her children to enjoy a relationship with their grandmother which they wouldn’t otherwise have had.