Tara Pammi - Scandalous Sins

His gaze went to her mouth as if he couldn’t help himself. ‘It’s not awkward.’ His voice came out so husky it sounded like it had been dragged along a rough surface.

‘I could go to a hotel or stay with a—’

‘No.’ The word was delivered with such implacability it made Violet blink. ‘You’ll stay here as long as you need to.’

How about for the rest of my life? Violet took another sip of her chocolate before setting the mug down. She had to stop this ridiculous habit of imagining a future with him. She was being a silly romantic fool, conjuring up a happy ending because she was almost thirty and Cam was the first man to treat her the way she’d always longed to be treated. It was her hormones...or something. ‘I guess it kind of makes sense, me being here, since we’re supposed to be engaged.’

‘Yes, well, there’s that, of course.’

Violet slipped off the stool and took her mug over to the sink, rinsing it first before putting it in the dishwasher. She turned and found Cam looking at her with a frowning expression. ‘I’m...erm...going to bed now,’ she said. ‘Thanks again for everything.’

He gave her a semblance of a smile that softened the frown a smidgen. ‘No problem. Hope you can get some sleep.’

Violet was about to turn for the door when, on an impulse she couldn’t explain let alone stop, she stepped up to where Cam was standing and, rising on tiptoe, pressed a soft kiss to his stubble-roughened cheek. His hands went to her hips as if he too couldn’t stop himself, drawing her that little bit closer so her body was flush against his. His eyes searched hers for a long moment before dipping to her mouth. ‘We really shouldn’t be doing this, Violet. It only makes things more—’

‘More what?’ Violet said, pressing herself closer, feeling the hardened ridge of him against her belly. ‘Exciting?’

His hands tightened on her hips but, instead of drawing her closer, he put her from him, dropping his hold as if her body was scorching hot. His frown was severe but she got the feeling it was directed more at himself than at her.

‘You’re upset after the break-in,’ he said. ‘Your emotions are shot to pieces. It would be wrong of me to take advantage of you when you’re feeling so vulnerable.’

Take advantage! Take advantage! Violet knew he was being the sensible and considerate man she knew him to be, but the fledging flirt in her felt hurt by his rejection. Why shouldn’t they have a fling? It was the perfect chance for her to let go of her past and explore her sensuality without shame, without fear, with a man she not only trusted but admired and cared about. Why couldn’t he see how much she needed him to help wipe away the past? ‘I’m sorry for misreading the signals. Of course you wouldn’t want to sleep with me. No one wants to sleep with me unless I’m coma-drunk. Why am I so hopeless at this?’

Cam took her by the shoulders this time, locking his gaze on hers. ‘You’re not hopeless at anything, sweetheart. You’re a beautiful and talented young woman who deserves to be happy. I’m trying for damage control here. If we take this further, it will blur the boundaries. For both of us.’

Violet planted her hands on his chest, feeling the thud-pitty-thud-pitty-thud of his heart beneath her palm. The battle was played out on his features: the push of pulsating desire and the pull away of his sense of duty. Push. Pull. Push. Pull. It was mirrored in the rhythm of a muscle flicking in his jaw. ‘But you want me...don’t you?’ she said.

He brought her up against his body, pelvis to pelvis, his eyes holding hers. ‘I want you, but—’

‘Let’s leave the “but” out of it,’ Violet said. ‘If I were anyone else, you’d have a fling with me, wouldn’t you?’

He let out a short breath. ‘You’re not a fling type of girl so—’

‘But what if I was? What if I wanted to have a fling with you because I’m so darn tired of being the girl without a date, the girl who hasn’t had proper consensual sex? I’m sick of being that girl, Cam. I’m turning thirty in January. I want to find the courage to embrace my sexuality and who better with than you? Someone I trust and feel safe with.’

It was clear she had created a dilemma for him. His expression was a picture of conflict. His hands tightened on the tops of her shoulders, as if torn between wanting to bring her closer and pushing her away. ‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ he said. ‘That’s the last thing I want.’

‘How will you hurt me?’ Violet asked. ‘I’m not asking you to commit to anything permanent. I know that’s not what you want and I’m fine with that.’ Not exactly true, but still. ‘We can have a fling for as long as our pretend engagement lasts. It will make it appear more authentic.’

He cupped her face with the broad span of his hand while his thumb stroked back and forth on her cheek. ‘Looks like you’ve thought all of this through.’

‘I have and it’s what I want. It’s what you want too, isn’t it?’

His frown hadn’t gone away but was pulling his brow into deep vertical lines between his eyes. ‘What about your family?’

‘What about them?’ Violet said. ‘They already think we’re...together. Why shouldn’t we therefore actually be together?’

‘There’s something a little off with your logic but I’m not sure what it is.’

‘What’s logical about lust?’

His frown was back. ‘Is that all this is?’

‘Of course.’ Violet suspected she might have answered a little too quickly. ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you.’

His eyes did that back and forth thing that made her feel as if he was looking for the truth behind the screen of her gaze. ‘The thing is...good sex can make people fall in love with each other.’

Violet cocked her head. ‘So, I’m presuming you’ve had plenty of good sex. Have you ever fallen in love?’

‘No, but that doesn’t—’

‘Then what makes you think you will this time?’

He blinked as if he was confused about her line of argument. ‘I’m not worried about me falling in love, I’m worried about you.’

Violet raised her brows. ‘What makes you think you’ll be immune to falling in love?’

He opened and closed his mouth, seemingly lost for an answer. ‘Sex for me is a physical thing. I never allow my emotions to become involved.’

‘Sounds like heaps of fun, just getting it on with someone’s body without connecting with them on any other level.’

His brows snapped together and he dropped his hands from her hips. ‘Damn it. It’s not like that. At least I know their names and make sure they’ve given full and proper consent and are conscious.’

Violet wasn’t going to apologise for her straight talking. In her opinion he was short-changing himself if he stuck to relationships that were based on mutual lust and nothing else. What about sharing someone’s life with them? What about growing old together? What about being fully present in a relationship that made you grow as a person?

All the things she wished for but hadn’t so far been able to find.

‘You remind me of Fraser before he met Zoe. He was always saying he’d never fall in love. Look what happened to him. A chance meeting with Zoe and now he’s married with twins and he couldn’t be happier.’

Cam blew out a frustrated-sounding breath. ‘It’s different for your brother. He’s had the great example your parents have set. He’s had that since he was a baby—all of you have. I had a completely different example, one I wouldn’t wish on a partner and certainly not on any children.’

Violet studied his tense expression, his even more rigidly set body and the way his eyes glittered with bitterness. And the way he had put some distance between their bodies as if he didn’t trust himself not to reach for her. ‘What exactly happened between your parents that you’re so against marriage?’